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I wondered "Gee,Today was pretty good. I got a passing grade and stuff when I tohught I didn't and I finished that Art for Twitter! I hope it makes her feel better...She's been having so many problems lately...."
Only to find that the whole plan had backfired into our faces like a retarded Child. So...yeah....Slightly Depressed...and Not even sure If she got my PM...I mean...She missed the point of the notice from all of us....If only I could talk to her about it........It just epic sucks.....Like nothing I posted even got through to her....I seriously ment the all the stuff I said about being there for her...Shoot! For al of you guys here on Gaia that I'm close to! Why is it that Gaia is always a ole of Drama and shtuff? *Sighs*

Am I the only one who rants then let's things go? Shoo, My sis and three of my Best friends all commit or tried to commit suicide on the same damn month O.O'' I continued to come on and get cheered up by you lovely people....Not ignore everyone. And even when I did take time for personal space (When I closed/ Hiatuses and shop, and that in it'sself caused some problems.) I got over those as well. I delt with it and it was over with.....I dunno...I just.....I wanted to help and it backfired. Is it so wrong to want to tell someone how you feel about there actions? I understand being upset to have someone tell you something but to end the friendship over all of us being worried about you? Tis slighty odd in my head.....

I've done my own things similar to thins in RL. I had my own problems (Which Wally Thinks I never had...Many people think Mine never existed hows that for making you feel sterotyped? I still love all of them though...) And I did leave my group of friends and I did quit Gaia never to return from my tiny isolated hole of injustice to the world ect. I had friends send me PM's that said,"Stop whining you *Insert String of Curse Words* and stop Bitching and being Emo!!" but still. Here I am. Still friends with all of them. In the end I pulled myself out of myself. What was the point of me being so mean to people who where just telling me they cared about me? Sure they were pissed off at me but if they didn't care they wouldn't of said two words to me......

So right now I'm sitting here. I'm trembling and possibly crying a little. I can't see the keyboard but I might also just be sleepy. Just numb at the moment......There's so much I wish to say to everyone. So Much I want to do and can't. Ah, the wonders of the internet, forming half friendships since 1999 XPP I can't touch nor talk to any of you. I can't smile and show you what My face looks like when you tell me your troubles and how much I really DO care about you. You may be pixels on a webpage but when I get to know you on here I just can't help but reach out to you....As Gaia's new slogan seems to be "Breaking Barriers" we seem to break some barriers but in the end the giant big one of "I can't see you,Touch you,Hug You,Get my emotions across with words alone, no sarcasm, no feelings whatsoever" wall still exists. It seems to get bigger all the time too.....
And yes I understand how werid 'touch you" sounds but I am a physical person and that's how I do things. Words only make up like 30% of communication.Not even, another 20% of that percent is if they are spoken or not. So in the end only 10% of what we say gets on paper.... the rest is left up to open interpretation.
I dunno now many times Fights have started over mis-communications or whatever over this very site!! Seriously!!! Gaia you be CURSED LOL
(I say that with all affection and joshin' Included) for I've figured out how to wrod myself a little better (When I'm sane enough to do so) to avoid SOME conflicts.

*La-sigh*
I just......very numb feelings.....Like ice.....In my head right now my little switch that makes me do things to cheer myself up is trying to flick on and sing "Cold as Ice" but I'm kinda forcing it off. I maybe insane sometimes and such and such (Wally saids it's what kept me from major depression LOL....Wait...Should I think that's so Funny? Truly O.O''))

So Fora reminder to whatever people wanna think. Here it is again. Because I have seem to forgotten to remind you enough or you just didn't hear it as clearly as I wanted you to.....
Even if It doesn't Help. And Even if It doesn't reach you. I just wish to say:

"Friendship isn't always easily described. The Eskimos, they say, have a hundred different words for snow. Unfortunately, the English language isn't quite as innovative, though it has vast opportunities to differentiate meaning. Certainly, Love is one of those opportunities. And so, too, is Friendship.

Instead of different words, however, we're stuck with simple adjectives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word.

Friends are special people. We can't pick our family, and we're sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life."

These are the best words that could describe how I feel at the moment. That and all the negative ones I'm choosing to leave out *Stabs Evil Vocab Monsters that want me to type angrily in bold red all over this page* But what will getting angry solve for me? All It wil do is drive a little deeper the wedge that has started.....

Woot....Umm....I dunno what else to say. I can keep repeating myself to myself a thousand times but what good will it do? I have so many broken records in my head already......Rambles....They always ramble......


"For love is weak.
It cannot stand before the storm.
It needs shelter from the winds of change,
Shelter from the world of rage.

When winter sets in love can die,
It ripens and withers,
leaving no tears left to cry.

But love will come back,
when the spring comes too.
Love will come back,
If you let it come to you...."

Neee....I'm no poet...I have the poetical mind of a five year old that still counts to twenty on his hands and feet....But I have no words. They seem to keep leaving me as the thoughts die out into embers in my mind.....All I can Do is repeat what I have heard(Silly Butterfly) and to me...It's the best I can do sometimes.

I love you guys.
Never forget that.
Any of you.....

I think that sums it up in the simplest terms.
So I will leave it at that.
Love.