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As Copyed out of my LIVEJOURNAL.. Cause im too damn Lazy to type it up my self. >>
8/23/05 10:56 pm - Ok...
Emotional break downs major.
Its the stress i guess. @@; Now im leading my stupid little self to beleve that im even going "emo" But hell,wouldnt besupprised, i find my self crying everyother day at my self, exes and other sorts of people. o_o its sad.
i really shouldnt be.. but i am. Choir is a mess, i was hoping to mesh in with every one else fast, but.. like normal, most kids popular, or quite UBER social, now im not the social butterfly... but i do love meeting new people. worse that i have my ex there, and me still having feelings for him, DEFINATELY NOT HELPING. so... #$%^&* o_o Yeah.. and its not that sort of girly monthly thing yet either.. (not that you needed to know that.) but.. Its been quite an emotional month trying to juggle 2 jobs, Choir, Working out, Aunt/family time, and trying to do anything else that pops up along the way. @_@ At least i quit one job... Plus they didnt need me any more anywhos. thank god.
Praying for the End.
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8/24/05 10:35 am - From bad, to horribly worse.
It all started last night at about 1:30 AM, i recive a text from my (formaly now) beloved, and he breaks up with me through a text. That A: Scared the crap outta me, since i was half asleep, and B: didnt let me sleep untill around 3 AM. Oh and that depression "emo"-ness if you will has just gone a damn step down for the worse.
I might agree with some of the things he said, that i made most of our relationship about me, but how else am i supposed to do it? I have no brothers or sisters, This is only my 2 relationship ( this one MUCH more sucessfull than the first.) and how else am i supposed to go at it? I dont know how to make this about others?
Also theres the situation that i put school and work first and not him, well all i can say is this, i was braught up to put the important things first like school and work, because with out that, i cant get ina relation ship if i drop out of school to have some b*****d child (poor thing)or to run away with my <3 and afterwards what of a job? Money to survive? Food? anything? But If i dont keep up my studies and keep my job on going, then later one once everythings regulated then i can have a good steady relationship, get married have kids and do all of that mumbo-jumbo, But for now im only damn freakin 16, takeing everything as it comes, School work and Life. So.... I guess he didnt realize that. But que sera sera.
So to say, i give up for now.... i know im gonna have feelings for him for a while... then something is gonna happen between me and him as friends which is going to lead me to be b***h slaped and then crying some where alone... ;-; Ah.. what a future i have. Black cat am i once again. Lone and in the shadows. Nyaaa....
--------------------------------------------8/24/05 08:11 pm - Going From Worse to Just the Eppitemy of BAD
Thinking that being dumped was bad, now that i get the notice that Chamber Choir has been cancled due to schedual conflicts between the tennors... well ... !@#$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&* Im extreamly pissed. Ive been looking foward to this since freshman year. I saw them and i knew that one day i might be up there, but guess not. I was So excited when i got in... but now.. Cancled, but no the school cant flip flop classes they cant fix it.. they cant do squat! and frankly ... this is just making me bubble horribly inside. I guess it was just the school just giving me a kick in the a** just for trying to go for something good for junior year. but guess freakin not. I was LOVING school so excited for it to start but now... i cant do what i was looking foward to.
Then i have options- I can go to Mixed Choir.. But its full of Freshman who DONT know what theyre doing, and are not what you want to preform with( even i didnt want to preform with me when i was a freshman!) But its a mixed choir which i despratly want. But, now I could settle for 2nd and being in Womens Choir but.. i really dont want to sing with women again, it was ok, but i love hearing the basses and tenors sing along with the the womens part, but now... No chance in that. Also what i dont like is most times when its just women, i revert into a lone shell, i loath that because im alone, no one to talk to and usually TRYING to make small talk with the others and Then theres LAURA and Her Hoard of WHORES. I swear i can hear them constantly just bad mouthing me and other girls who they dont think are cool or pritty and dont forget mrs.east. They do that CONSTANTLY, and it hurts me to see that happen.
Then i have a 3rd Option. Not Singing at all. I could TA for mrs.east I love her so much, best choral director ive had so far, but it would kill me NOT to be inthere singing. So I really dont know what im going to do. Im in Such a bad position that i dont know what. I feel like i want to vomit, i want people around me talking to me and me to them, and just having friends that will want to sit there and just brush your hair. and I adore that, but not many will, I <3 emma for her doing that today, it saved me from serously breaking out into tears. but.. I have the largest lump in my throat which is probably the tears that are collecting up and then my chest is getting heavy from all of the breating im doing in my chest (Like your sposed to do diagfram not lung.. ) and im cold even though its hot and its JUST NOT FAIR. I ******** HATE ALL OF THIS. But i guess this is not my year to get things perfict. Or even near for that matter. Whyyyyy? *cry*
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9/11/05 11:20 pm - Im Such a Loser.
Im the ROOKIE OF THE YEAR with that TRACK RECORD that youve always loved, but now im that punkrockemoindycutie that youve made your Ex. So.. All i can say is this ANGST!!!!!
Yeah... So My Ex, i can definately tell is a total c**k sucker. hes sent OTHERS to say sorry, and the time he did try to say sorry i ran.. but.. >_> Motivation much to actually say sorry to me face to face???? loser. It breaks my heart though. It serously does. *is totaly crushed.*
I hate this.
Current Music: Emo!!!!!
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9/23/05 11:37 pm - Tell me
Jamie: you know...... people always say.... "you never know how good you had it till youve lost it" well ive lost paulette and you know what come to think of it i didnt have anything good so i didnt lose anything........... so now i walk by myself happy to be single again............ and if you wanna show the b***h this message i dont care shes dead to me anyways....... cause ive told her i can be your best freind or your worst enemy...... she chose option 2 worst enemy so GOTO HELL b***h your NOTHING!!!!! ill take revenge on you one day and ill be the last one laughing!!
Thats what my damn Ex Actually put in his profile.. If this isnt SMUT then i dont know what is.. right now im holding back a feirce Vomit action and you know what hope that what ever kills me one day, its going to be due to him doing this to me.
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AND isnt that EMO-TASTIC??? O____O Omg. Life sucks.
 KawaiiPlushieSakura · Mon Oct 03, 2005 @ 03:48am · 1 Comments |
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