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I miss my family a lot right now. I needed money this week and my dad desposited a lot. I was really releived he didn't criticize that I needed more. It was a big relief. Renji has been sleeping in my bed, which makes me want to cry because it means he misses me. I love him so.

My grandpa is doing worse. His blood pressure is already low because of his chemo but now he takes pills too so he collapsed recently. Grandpa ended up scaping up his arm and head pretty badly.

You're all very lucky I am writing this. I NEVER share this s**t, unless you are in my circle and even then I HATE talking about this stuff. You're lucky you are getting this much out of me.

I hate letting knowing that you will know this. I HATE IT! Right now I want to down a bunch of rum to erase the stupid s**t I am comencing now. I want to feel better about what I am doing but I won't. I am not going to result to rum to fix my problems. Instead I will sit here in my bed, cuddling my babes alone.

I have been closing people off even more lately. I hate making people worry and realize that not telling them makes them worry more but its not the only reason I don't tell. I also can't make myself tell. I don't feel comfortable even with the Unicorn talking about this stuff all the time. I get so weak. So weak.

My grandpa is my favorite of my grandparents. He has withstold so much s**t from my grandma and is so funni. He remind me of my dad but even more pure of that energy. My grandpa is my Gumpa. My dearest Gumpa. Gumpa is dying. Gumpa will die soon. Gumpa Gumpa Gumpa will never disappear. He may not be in this world at one point but in my heart he will never die. LMAO LMAO LMAO. I am crying so hard right now.

******** YOU!