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Well, I'm bored and I've got nothing to do, so why don't a do a little public introspect and let you in on what's going on in my head.

Right now, I feel as if I don't have a sense of direction in life. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I've got plans, but for some reason, they seem too small and mediocre. They don't seem to inspire me, despite how big the dream actually is. I'm in desperate need of a life away from the computer in the outside world. I stay in my room all day either laying in bed, sleeping, or on the computer. I eat and excrete in between, like every other human being. But I need to do something with my life. It's one of the reasons why I'm so into school even though I don't do my best at it. Not anymore, at least. But anyways... School gives me something to do. Deadlines to look forward to. A chance to make use of my mind. And that's to start all over again in two weeks. And I'm scared out of my wits. I can just imagine how much worse it could be if I were to study at the capital, far away from home.

My grandmother's recently been in terrible condition. I never though cancer would take one of my close family members victim to its torture. And it hurts seeing her helpless and in pain; her mouth agape, a silent scream unheard but felt. It also hurts seeing my mother doing so much for her mother, giving all she can, even getting into fights with my father because of the expenses. Things have been falling apart, from my family to the world.

And I know that I'm more than lucky to have these minor problems compared to the burdens my parents carry, having to support three children, including me, with a mediocre salary that's losing money. Being 'incompatible' as my father put it ever since he read my astrology book. I always made it clear to my father that astrology is more of coincidence than reality, and good only for first-impressions. Things and traits that aren't entirely true. My parents are polar opposites in both Chinese and Western astrology, and coincidentally, they don't get along at all.

Humm. I guess this is all that's on my mind right now. I don't think I need to talk about my dear, sweet Hayato. Particular things, I wouldn't want to let out to you unless you have my full trust.