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It's true. I'm honestly starting to think that it's the soul reason as to why people lose all sanity.

It's start with questions. Seeing things, then wondering if it was your imagination. One of the subtle signs that you can always pass off as natural paranoia.

Of course the evidence becomes more apparent as the particular pattern of imagining things and pondering their reality breeches the abnormal. For instance, seeing a solid human being in front of you when nobody else does. Oh yes, you will be questioned by the professionals when that happens.

But ohhhhhh, no. That's the obvious scenario. That's the type of thing you can see coming from miles away. I have another, less noticeable path, in theory.

It's all about the control. You catch yourself off guard doing things that you know is unnatural for you normally. Then, you obviously try to get a hold of yourself. A mental slap, a quick splash of cold water, it doesn't matter. The point is that you didn't like or understand what you did and now you're trying to force it down so that it doesn't happen again, because it felt wrong. This is especially noted if the action was socially unsound.

Of course, all of the methods you may devise to hide away this abnormality will eventually prove fruitless. Despite hiding the first one, a second suddenly crops up. Then a third. It doesn't take long for you to find yourself up to your eyes in abnormality.

Here's where things start to really twist, though. In realizing that you are now pupil-deep in wrong, you start trying to give it a reason. Some sort of excuse to allow this wrong to be acceptable. However, nothing manages to hold long enough and you constantly find yourself crumbling down to the fact that it was, indeed, yourself and not just some freakish act that was drawn out due to stress or shock.

But if that was the case...if this was truly just you...what does it mean? The answer you try to ignore is quite simple: It's the real you.

You shake your head. No, that can't be right. If that was the real you, then why weren't you being you before now? How did that even make any sense?

The unpleasant thought tugs at the back of your mind once again, giving incredulous explanations that shouldn't make sense and yet you find yourself understanding them.

The you that you think you are is fake. It was simply an accidental product that formed in your earlier years to occupy your vessel until you were ready to take the wheel. That silly person doesn't matter, because this 'you' was always meant to be here.

Or.

This personality you use is a mask. You simply didn't want people to see the true essence of your ugly mug, because you were afraid of being prosecuted for it. But you are finally losing that fear. Now you just want to come out. That's all. You just need to rid yourself of that outer mask and cast it aside because you know that it was only a guise. It's nothing really.

Then you recoil. You jump back and start to push these terrifying thoughts away. They shouldn't make any sense!

But this doesn't stop you from questioning. You may have pushed them away, but even the idea that these thoughts were yours frightens you.

If this new you was really the true you, what would become of the current you? Would they die or would they become assimilated into the background of the new?

Oooooh, scary! Death cannot be taken lightly, even when dealing with the persona. We are creatures of survival and will therefore fight to keep our existence in this world. Whether or not this 'death' is real, it would still mean the end of something important. That's where the struggle begins. You're suddenly fighting to stay 'alive'.

Ah, self control. That's all it is, really. You don't want to lose yourself, so you simply keep a firm lid on things, right? Stay in check.

You wouldn't want to 'die' now would you? No pressure, really. This 'other' you would only swallow you whole and take hold of your vessel. You could even call it a 'mental mutiny'.

Ooh, nice phrase. Much like 'ethnic cleansing', you know? It really gives off a much more pleasing sound. And it just rolls off your tongue. Ohoo, I like that.

Now look at you. Such a mess! Weren't you supposed to be in control? You said it yourself, didn't you? It was just a matter of self control, it wasn't anything big. You were just going to keep on eye on that and make sure it didn't step out of line. Easy task. Too bad you fail. That old you...that 'mask'...it's cracked and falling away, but you're still trying to cling to it, how sad.

Why don't you drop it now, hmm?



Oh yes, that's about right. A simple thing that cascades into the confines of madness. That is how I imagine it. And the creepiest part is that it all happens quietly within the mind. It's barely visibly to the outside world until it is clearly too late.


...Yeah, I hate it when I act without thinking, it sucks. You can't tell that I should go to bed x_x Night guys. Hope you enjoyed that complete mess. Ooooooh yeah. Definitely need sleep...really friggin' tired...losing control of limbs...

*thunk*

G'niiiiiiiiiiiiight....