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Well I hate myself and I hate my life. That sums it up.

I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. In all honesty I try to avoid becca to a certain degree because something has happened to her and she went from having some anger issues to having major anger issues. She like gets pissed at me for breathing funny and wont talk to me until I say something or she decided shes not angry anymore then she apologizes. I know its not really her fault... but it still takes its toll on me. Ontop of that I hate 99.9999999% of the population of this pitiful planet. I really dont get along with anyone and everyone clashes with me.

I am an a*****e, I will admit it. I dont try to hide it. I dont try to get along with people, I gave up long ago. Me and beccas cousin, and my ex-girlfriend and current "friend"--though I have always suspected her of hating me--got into a fight. All I did was try and tell her why I didnt get along with becca very well and be honest about it with her and she flipped out and started calling me an immature a*****e for being horribly mean to her cousin. Well, I suppose in a sense she is right. And if becca were there she would attack me as well. The second reason is the reason I have given up on her. I love becca, I really do, but its time to let go of her and move on. I want it to work out and go on forever, but I dont see it happeneing anymore... Elizabeth showed me that just a few moments ago by her yelling at me. Her insults didnt get to me, but the realization that becca would back anyone up who was insulting me. The realization that becca would back up anyone who she knows against anything at all that I have, say, do, know, or anything else, just because she holds everything she owns so much higher than me.... I realized that I will not live the life out we planned together. I realized that I will never be together with her again. I realized that I am truely... alone...

Who do I have? Jason? I talk to him on the phone for a few minutes a day. He angers me more than anything else. We get upset with each other constantly. Cory? I love cory. He is one of my only true friends. But no, we are not true friends.... We have potentail to be, but we are not. I have talked to him on the phone, what? Twice? Online our convorsations are as dull as this rant.... Who do I have? Chuck? Chuck is a delusional b*****d. I love him, but he is crazy and he just wont admit it.

All I can say is that I have cheryl to some extent I do not know yet. I have not known her for very long, but she seems to be quite sencere.

So that is it. I cannot number the people who are close to me by but one hand, but by one finger. I have one person thats close to me, and that is assuming we grow closer over the coming time.

Yes... Me and becca are surely over.... As I said, lizz pointed that out to me well enough. I do not believe it will work... and that upsets me.


I took a depression test today. My teacher said that a 20-25 is severe depression. I didnt finish the test. I stopped at 35 and had at least 5 questions left. I suppose that means I am depressive afterall wouldnt it?

Anyway I apologize for this rant, and for the gramertherein. I will shut up now.