Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You know.That staricase I talked about? I've always been afraid of that staircase because it ment that you'd have to let go of a lot of things.You family,Friends,dreams. You name it and you'll have to let go of it to take on bigger things such as a house,a job,kids,Collage. I dunno why people are so eager to let go of somethings for others. Maybe it's the pack rat in me that holds on to anything I keep a memory too, but I just like to. It like how I know people that hold on to every movie ticket they ever go to.When I ask them why,It's just a thing they do. Maybe I'm weird but when I see people going down these staircases I like to throw out these little threads of affiliation to people.Weather they hold on or not is up to them and it's also up to them how hard and tight they cling to it but All I know is that those little strings of mine are sticky and they cling to a part of you.I ghold on to you with all my heart just because you've met me. What makes me scared more then anything:The staircase,lose,and failure have nothing on this. Is that Tight feeling I have when someone jumps off the staircase and takes the express escalator to the bootom of being an adult. I've never understood pushing yourself to grow up. I've read all these horror stories about them and about the people who just,"Can't wait." I've been like that on things too and I hated were I ended up.Fighting off an eatting disorder,Depression,and a few other things I'm not proud off that I'll keep in my little secret little heart shaped box. I dunno. I ran into my problems when I tried to make myself something I wasn't.To grow up and stop being an awkward teenager.The only thing it did for me was land me in trouble and it makes me scared for the people around me that are quick to travel on faster then they maybe need to be going. I don't see what's wrong with being a little immature sometimes. It makes me feel a little better inside to think that I can just be me and not have to worry about fooling the people who are closest to me. I already do it enough sometimes so I hate it when I have to totally hide.
Well,That';s just me thinking again. I dunno. Bad ju-ju yas know? I dunno. Drugs,sex,and alcohol and all that jazz.Makes me think of bad things and all.It's just that pessimistic thing we all have I think.
Ahhh! It makes me worry so much and by tomorrow I'll be wondering why I was so worried and then suffer from horrible de-ja-vu.
I wanna be a pirate.If I was born about a few centuries earlier then I would be able to have awesome wenchy curly hair and carry a big sword and be nasty and stinky and dirty! I would run around on my little boat screaming,"I'm the scarlet Bandit!" and other random profanities.Who need edimacation? Just some sea and some breezes and some wenches and I'd be set. Who needs to bathe? I could always be an artist.Bout the same thing anyways. Stinky,Screams a lot.
Anyways,With all these random thoughs over clouding my worry.I feel the need to just become something that would be unexpected. I wanna just be to be you know? Not worry about being nice and all that. To just try something different for a change. I mean I can't change myself.Nope,I'm me and It'll stay that way for from here on out till the day I die unless there's a nuclear holocaust again and I turn into a mutant then I would be trying to be spiderman and pull off those tight smashing tights!

"Monkies so naughty there pretending to be Ducks!"

Ten facts of random interest:
-I hate the dark and Still run around at night
-Scared of dark water/Deep water.Still go swimming if someone's out there and not freaking me out o.O''
-Like cats more then Dogs
-Don't like girls who wear low cut tops when they do sports.
-Not getting dirty,I love getting dirty
-Don't like Insects. They freak me out.Can't help it.
-I like to watch things LOL Not like that.But I do like to watch people and stuff and just be still but when I'm with people I have to move or go crazy.
-Don't touch my huggle pillow.
-I think accents are hot.And so are suits and backs.
-ADVENTURE IS A WONDERFUL THING!Just give me a stick and let me go LOL


Well...That's it for my rant that had a meaning and Just somewhat disolved into me blabbing.I'm in a rather good mood because even though I have these fears.I know in my head that you never really forgot or move on even though you say you do. You always keep it somewhere in the back of your head like a little pin cushion that your subconsious looks back on.
PS:My grammie is okay for right now. I hope she's okay ^^~

"Welcome back my frisky Badgers!"