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okay so,
i went to erica's new years party last night.

...
it turns out i dont have a boyfriend anymore.

i started to cry, so i went to sit a corner and cry by myself so i wouldn't bring down the others, somebody said why do you cry during a party? you only do it for attention. so i said no if i cry it usually means i want to be left alone.

I turned up my music really loud, trying to drown out reality. it worked for a little bit, then it started to wear off .

so then erica was sad i cheared her up, i dont know why but im good at chesring most people up because of my stupidness

new years goal:
*explains from begining*
it made me feel like a hypocrite that i dont want to be people that are around me sad but im sad all the time. from this point on i will put a smile on no matter what, no matter ho wsad i am on the inside, i will be the stupid happy friend everbody want back. well at least i'll be like that in front of people, i can't promise anything when im not around people.

okay happy thoughts

i slept over at anna's house last night. we told secrets, i feel like i can tell her everything, and she wont judge me. i guess we became better friend last night.

i guess love doesn't like me, i decided that i'm going to attempt to wait for love to come to me, for somebody to ask me. just attempt, probually not very succesfuly though.*sigh* i'm going to try my best. i just like to have someone to talk to, to tell everything, someone to hold when im sad even when i dont show it, someone more. i know i have friend to do this i just want something more than friends.

and another thing, i drew a edward x bella pic at anna's i guess its okay. she said it was good. its theme was from new moon.

i was listening to evanesence they're really good favorite songs are bring me to life, and my immortal.

my immortal is a sad song but it made me happy does that mean that im crazy?

bring me to life is a good song i love it!!!

okay i celebrated x-mas at my grandma's house she got me a make-up kit *sighs* i had to pretend to like it the only thing i like in it was the mascara. but its not water-proof so i bleed mascara last night. yep

she also got me so much stuff i felt bad cus all i got her was a stupid picture frame

she gave me my birthday gift and i screamed it was:

to be continued

........

immediatly

she got me $25 to hot topic and $35 to walmart and black and green nail polish

im gunna get my nose peirced on wed after anna's party

then im guuna go to the mall

at hot topic im gunna get a wristwarmer, pins, wristbands, and maby some gir stuff heart
i love gir because yes

at walmart i think i'll get some shirts or drawing stuff or some more cd's
i really really really want the boys like girls cd and the other evanesence cd

yep so i think im done ranting

love you all

happy new years heart