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First of all I've been quite depressed for a couple of weeks now. I used to think it was because of me having strong feelings for my ex-boyfriend still, but because of the ignorance of my family I've finally truly realized why. They were sitting there teasing me about my best friend who's a guy because he invited me to the mall and a movie tomorrow, but other friends are going to be there but still they had to tease me about how we were "dating". I kept on telling them that's not true and it's not how it is between us. As I said it I realized it more and more. Me and him are not like that and most likely never will be. That's what finally killed me, I want us to be like that. I've fallen for my best friend who I'll never have the chance to be with romantically. It's finally tearing into my soul that I love him and no one else has reached into me that far. I tell him everything and now I won't be able to tell him what's really eating at me because it would ruin everything between us. My friends will sit there and try to help me through it, but no one has ever been able to help as much as him. My family just teases me and will never know the truth behind my eyes. I'm losing the one person I can talk to about everything just because I had to fall in love with him.
He treats me as if I'm everything to him, but he always has to remind that he just always wants to be friends. He wrote me the first poem a guy has ever written for me and we're just friends. I hate this, it's eating me alive. Everything that we should...just isn't. I want to hate him so much right now, I want to stop loving him, I want the pain to stop, but it never will. He's so perfect and flawless...ironically the first guy that's right for me will never love me that way.
Oh my God, I'm having a breakdown. I didn't want any of this to happen and now I'm going to have to pretend to be happy every time I see him. I just want him to love me like I love him, but it's too much to ask for. It's already killing me inside...why...oh...God...why...it hurts so much...I really need an angel to save me right now...but no one will come...he's my Guardian Angel and I fell in love with him...now I have no one, but myself and my own tears to choke on.
When will it end...? God, send me an angel...