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As those of you who actually read this well know*, I have Creepy Guy who likes to come into work and pretend he's my friend and bother the ever-lovin' piss out of me.

*Yes, I assume that means roughly two people, but bear with me.

Anywho, Creepy Guy came into work yesterday and in typical fashion, bought absolutely nothing. When he arrived, I made sure to try and look productive and busy behind a large object so that I wouldn't have to talk to him, as is my typical fashion. Well, Creepy Guy found me and proceeded to tell me about his new Yu-Gi-Oh game for his GBA and how hard the game was. He started rambling on about card types and Egyptian Gods and child pornography (It could have been game strategies, but I wasn't listening and it's close enough) before he finally starts asking me if I had ever played the game. Once I used my standard honesty of "Never have," he then proceeds to complain more about how hard the game is and how he could Really use a strategy guide.

Do we see where this is going? Oh, you bet we do.

So, Creepy Guy then proceeds to ask me if I have the internet at my house. Being the honest, upstanding citizen I am, I naturally say "Yes" instead of lying in order to make him shut up right there. Sadly, the lying thing just wasn't going to happen. Creepy Guy then proceeds to tell me that since he and I are such good friends, I should download a strategy guide for him from the internet if I can find one. Since my Retard ESP is quite keen, I was able to pick up on the question before he even finished and answered with a nice, abrupt "No."

Creepy Guy: Well why not?
Our Hero: Because I don't want to. It's your game and you should figure it out.
Creepy Guy: But it's hard and you're my friend, so you should help me out with this!
Protaganist: I'm not going to download you a strategy guide because I don't want to. Go buy one yourself.
Creepy Guy: Well fine, since you won't help me, I might as well just throw the game away since I'm apparently too stupid to finish it.
DemiGord: Seems so.
Creepy Guy: You know, you must be a pretty terrible friend if you won't even help a friend out who needs something. Friends are supposed to do things for their friends and if you're this kind of friend...Well, I bet you don't have many friends and you're a lousy friend. I guess you're not my friend anymore.
The Winner: Sounds good, sir.

After this little exchange, I walked away a happy man while whistling a jolly ol' tune that seemed to resonate in the air. Yes, I felt quite accomplished.

Why do people threaten to not be my friend when I don't like them and they aren't my friend to begin with? Am I supposed to feel bad you're latching onto a total stranger in order to get something for free? Am I supposed to feel bad at laughing at your grossly incorrect assumptions about me and my status in life?

It doesn't matter, because I can always the laugh.

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This morning also left me feeling quite accomplished. You see, a man came in this morning and threw down a DVD Player on the customer Service counter proclaiming how he had just bought the merchandise and it was defective. Naturally, neither our swearing friend or his small children had the receipt for the product in order to exchange it. Aside from that, it was a clearance item which specifically said "All Clearance Items Sales Are Final."

Our dear friend decided that telling the woman at Customer Service of an appropriate place for the DVD Player which he couldn't return was a good idea after she reminded him what his receipt said and also the fact that said receipt wasn't there. Since he claimed the product was useless to him in its defective state, he left the DVD player on the counter and stormed out of the store, vowing never to return.

As I watched this, I had this instinct that was welling up in my stomach, and it was not to be ignored. So, I went over to Customer Service, picked up the defective DVD player, hooked it up to a nearby TV and loaded a promo DVD to test what was wrong with it.

Can you guess the rest of the story yet? Oh, I bet a dollar you can.

'Lo, and Behold! The supposedly defective DVD player was playing the promo DVD without a single problem, and even responded to commands from the remote control with ease! Taking note of this, I informed the on duty manager of the situation and she had me place the poor soul's DVD player back on the shelf to sell. This made me feel quite villified and content for the rest of the day.

This story tells us that some people should really be less...What's the word for it?

Dumb.