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I have this theory of mine, i am prolly the only one who thinks this, but i don't seem to fit in today's world. Its like anywhere i go or what ever i do i never seem to do anything right and there is always someway that i don't fit in. Its like today's world or society as got its self into this funk that for some odd reason every one can live with. I am happy for the changes in technology and happy that the world is moving forward in that sence but no where else changes. Even when i am with my own people, the art people, they, i should say, seem to find something wrong with the way i do things. They also have a problem with my art work. So i just keep on living the only way i know and i just try to ignore how they are all treating me. The bad thing is that i feel that i treated a little too special at my work. I just started questioning my mental health when someone i have worked with for a while spoke to me in a tone that basically said that my mind was so simple that i am going to speak to you like a lil kid. Ever since then i have been questioning everything i do at work and actually my whole life. I have been thinking about all my schooling and the work ive done and past events with friends and family.
my family, i know, has already implied that i am not like the rest of my siblings who are soo smart and want to join the real world and instinctivly know how to handle every thing. You know i think i missed whatever it is every kid some how learns how to do everythng in life and knows and wants or accepts the way life is. I swear i somehow missed it and my three siblings caught on. I dont know if i should blame myself or maybe my schooling. I wonder if my whole life is going to be this way...
I only solution to this that i think would make things better would be for me to move to italy and sell my art work while working somewhere and live the rest of my life out there.
There are times i question myself especially when i am with people who i thought accepted me for who i was and liked me for me. I have only met one person who loved every thing about me, i never gave a second thought when i was with him. He made me feel like a real person and made me want to keep chugging through life. The only other times i feel like i want to keep going through this odd world is when those who are artisically inclined see my work and then they stare in awe. But then i think to myself that they just enjoy the pic that come out and the fact that i can draw and they can't. The one point in my life and i am thankful for is the fact that i took a page out of my brother and his beast friend's book to not care that much and just go with the flow of life. My brother who is a year older than i am, has been so understanding with how i want to live my life and i have come to understand and accept the way he and his roomates want to live. I used to hate how they lived and entertained but i realized that i did not actually care what they did, as long as i got to spend time with them and still have some fun in the process.
I see that i have written a novel again but oh well who cares, this is my journal and my vent space so it will go on as long as it needs to...