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I'm feeling depressed again and it's for no reason this time! Well, I shouldn't say that, but it feels like I'm being a big baby about such little things that it makes me even more depressed and angry at myself.

First off, my mom's being a b***h again today (what else is new). There's too many things that I'm too lazy to type down and even one will take too long to explain. emo

Next, I feel totally worthless and fat (as always) emo I mean I know I'm over weight and all (more than half of america is!), but I don't see myself as ugly or horribly obese, just plain and blah. For some reason, though, it hit me extra hard today. I don't know why but my mind kept going back to this one event that went on at fanime between me and my friend Jerred. (I don't know how to spell his name)

We were waiting for my friend to come out of the bathroom with his hat (we were fooling around and he took my hat hostage in response to getting his hat taken) and I forgot how we got onto the subject, but he asked me how much I weighed. I told him to tell me his first and he told me. I replied "Two pounds more than you."

...I didn't think much at the time, since I've always been made fun of in the past or gotten strange expressions since, and I quote, I "Don't look that heavy." It's true, I agree. I really don't think I look that heavy and neither do other people around me, but what's fact is fact.

I've mainly been thinking about that little scene over and over in my mind all during dinner. Go figure. Then I thought about my eating habits. Yay go me (<---Sarcasm).

I don't eat that bad, usually. To be honest I hardly eat anything at all during the day, except what's brought to me. Like I'll go all day without eating and by the time my mom gets home from work she brings dinner and I'd eat that. Other times I eat all day, but by dinner I won't eat a thing because I'm not hungry anymore.

I almost forgot why I titled this whole entry "Sirius".

I fell asleep under the stars earlier. By accident, of course. It was so freaking hot in the house so I went outside and sat on the porch and fell asleep for a bit. When I woke up, it was already dark and I could see a lot of stars above me. I stared for a while and thought...

...

I wished is more the correct term. I wished that I could be sirius(the dog star people not the Harry Potter character!) and watch over the earth. I can't remember why I thought that now, but it's still there. I really wish I could remember why I thought that earlier....

emo