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Terrible memories.

Okay, so some of you know I was gone for a week camping. I probably already told you what I did. If I didn't, please ask. I'm too tired to write it out on here right now. So anyways, While I was camping, I realized my family can be kind of... insulting... No offence or anything. But my mother called me a b*****d. It really brought back some memories.... When I was born my brother hated me. "I don't want her." he said. "Marina is a waste of space." he recenly said. "What is something useless that nobody wants that we could get rid of?" My mother asked. "How about Marina?" Said my brother. Memories started to pile up then. The anger and tension our family once had. My father was always angry... Yelling about things he was too lazy to fix himself... Father - Yelling. Anger. Cussing. Madness. My siblings and I - Tears. Pain. Hate. He never hit us though, that was good. I was always trying to stay positive. My mother was about to leave him. I went to counciling with my sister. Soon, my father realized he was being an a** and stopped yelling. Everything was good again. This brought me to another memory of mine. My friends. Well, some aren't as close as they were now.... But anyways.... Everyone picks on the weak one, right? That was me... The shy, weak being. They would take advantage of me. One day they hit me with plastic tubes for a while until I couldn't move. They would shove me to the ground... Jump on me and kick me until I could no longer stand. They would push me against walls and slap my face and punch me and hold me. I was useless. Too weak to do anything.... They would just randomly start hitting me... but they were the only people I could really call "Friends" Everyone else hated me. "What the hell is wrong with me??" I would think. I was always blaming myself. "Be good, Marina. Don't make them mad, Marina. Why are you so stupid, Marina?" I always thought. Eventually they stopped. They realized it was wrong. Of course I forgave them. I wasn't mad at them. I was mad at me. So... another memory soon came to mind. My ex boyfriend Tony. A day after we had been going out for 4 months he decided to break up with me. He said I was to crazy... Too wild... Too shy. I actually scared him... He also liked someone else. What a jerk he was. 5 minuts after he broke my heart he was going out with some other girl. At that time, I was in a huge fight with my friends because they hated him. They said he was so bad for me. I should have listened. They were right. I was so stupid. They were also mad because they thought My other friend and I were ditching them. We were'nt. So we arent friends anymore... Well... Sort of... We're not like best buddies, but we do talk to eachother and stuff. Anyways, as all that was going on I blamed myself for every bit of it. I deserved totally worse... Much worse...All I could do was hurt myself even further though... I tried to kill myself... but, being afraid of death, I was terrified. I'll never forget these memories... You might think I'm toally emo or something after reading this, but I don't care. I'm not emo... although I could be... Some people might think so. Oh well. If you are under the impression that I am, well, it's my fault... always is. This camping trip was a blast though!!! Though.... one more memory that really hurt. A dream actually...no, more like a nightmare. I would experience so much pain if this nightmare came true... More pain that my insulting family. More pain than my angry father. More pain than my abusive friends. More pain than my ex boyfriend. More pain than losing friends so close to me. More pain than me hurting myself. More pain than death.