I'm posting this entry for every person who has ever felt down or like they can't do anything. For people who are depressed, not confident, or anything else related to the subject. I have felt that way, especially after I had to choose between two people to be my boyfriend, Joey and Corey. I chose Corey because he made a very good point, Joey lived in PA and Corey lived 10 minutes away from me. He said that I should have a boyfriend who can actually see and talk to in real life more often. I am sorry to say that Joey had to suffer. I felt guilty that I chose Corey for a while, I actually tried to make myself believe that I didn't love Corey, that Joey and I were meant to be. Corey showed me love and compassion, Joey showed me that I can't actually see and talk to him. He made me feel like I was worthless, Corey showed me that I was actually worth something, that life could be lived without continuously fighting for it. I have seen death. I have seen some of the brutal things my father did to my mother. The truth is, when I was a baby, my father tried to kill me. My father hated and despised me as his own child. For that, I am sorry to say, I hate him.
Now, my Grandmother tries to keep me captive, she doesn't like Corey because she doesn't know that, because of him, I got out of my depression. My Grandmother also says that I am stupid and insignificant in life, that I will turn out to be something that she doesn't want. She hates how I dress, because I am a tomboy (girl who dresses in guy stuff and plays with guys not doing what "normal" girls should do) I like wearing pants/shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. I am treated like crap because of how I act. Barely anyone likes me because of my nature. I am teased and hated at school and at home. If the people at school could, they would beat me, my brother and [sometimes] some of his friends beat me up. I hate how I live. No one trusts me except for Corey. I love him for that.
Kurtis [this guy in my neighborhood] is a big mouth. Because of that I can barely ever see Corey. Usually we have to meet in secrecy because of his parents feelings for me and my Grandmother's feelings for him [my Grandmother dislikes Corey and Corey's parents dislike me] I hate that we have to do that because, well, that way we don't have to keep secrets from our parents and some of our friends.
Because of the hardships I had to face since I was a baby, it has made me stronger emotionally and physically. I have something to fight for. What I am basically saying is: Don't give up. Just because you don't know the way in life doesn't mean you should give up. Ask yourself questions like: What will happen to my life if I do not accomplish this task? This is where I am going to end the journal entry. I hope I have made a difference on how you look at life and how much your life is worth and how much pain you have gone through compared to other people. You may have gone through many difficult situations, but have you ever been in a life or death situation?
I give all the credit to my boyfriend J-T and my friend Hailvane, I couldn't done this without you guys. I even thank my father and my Grandmother for all the pain you have caused me, because as I look into the past, all the pain you have caused me has made me stronger physically and emotionally. Thank you guys for everything.
Punkgaopher
Punkgaopher Community Member 
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