Why?
Why is it I feel like this?
Why am i in love with 3 guys that I know i have no chance with - well more like a really really really slikm chance.
After all, nothing is impossible.
But the 3 of them live in their own world, and I live in mine.
So close yet so far; so many similarities, but even more differences that keeps me from that world and them from mine.
I know that this isn't fangirlism.
Just can't be if I feel like this.
Fangirlism means obssestion.
Having everything of theirs possible.
Going to their events when you can, even if i means skipping out on some big, pre-made plans.
Pictures, posters, heck some go as far as life-size cutouts of the people and buying stuff off of ebay like a used cup or pen.
One that really ticks me off is that they call these people their property.
I've hardly scratched the surface of fangirlism, but im positive that I feel love from my heart.
Yes, I want to have their stuff, but I wouldn't rip off his shirt if i saw him at the store.
I wouldn't stalk them if I saw them on the street...
...Okay so maybe I would but only cause i couldn't believe that it's him.
I'd try and talk to them so I could learn somthing form them, or so I could have another memory to look back on and smile aobut.
Who knows? something really good or really cool could happen.
The worst that cold happen is that they look at me funny and slowly back away from me.
Oh and another thing about fangirlism that I didn't think of earlier.
If they had a girl, then yeah I'd be sorta sad, but I wouldn't ever think of coming between them cause I'd rather they be happy with someone they're meant for, instead of with me and my selfishness.
Fangirls do come between them, or atleast try to.
But yeah, if they are happy then I can't argue with them.
I've no right to rule over them and their love lifes and nor does anyone else.
Well, if I was with one of them then yeah, I'd have a say in it.
Even then, I only have influence on one man, not all three.
But I'm not with any of them, so I don't.
There are some things about each of them that makes me feel this way, or from what I know of them.
Their talents, looks, but most of all their interest and dislikes, hobbies, and activites I can sometimes click with.
So I've gone through fangirlism, but why do I think it's more like love?
Well, when I can't hear them, I get sad and feel like something - someone - is missing.
But when I do, I'm calm and it's like that missing thing is back - like it was never missing, never gone.
But you know what? I did say i was scratching the surface of fangirlism, mostly cause I don't know a lot of about it.
I mean, for allI know this really is fangirlism and I just don't know it.
But I wouldn't mind it being true love, and one day ending up being with one of them for life, or till death do us part.
No, scratch that part about parting death - even after, I'm positive that we'd both go up to heaven and meet there once again.
~o_chibi_chan
