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advertisement Five-link Friday Is it Friday already? Time for another five-link day. Three of the five links I'm sharing this week were suggested by friends, and that inspires me to remind you: You're welcome to send in links, too. Just use the form at the bottom of today's update. • "Yo, yo, yo, grrrrl! You know, as a music producer, I can honestly say that performance was a little bit pitchy. But, you know, you joined the Dawg Pound, but I'm gonna say it was just aaa'iiight for me." If you recognize that comment as a Randy Jackson regular, you'll enjoy this link from Entertainment Weekly, which lets you generate a typical comment from each of the three "American Idol" judges, like this Simon-esque gem: "If I'm being honest, that sounded like a lounge singer in a outlandish Saskatchewanian drag bar." (Thanks to Jon for the link!) And if you liked that, be sure to check out MSNBC.com's own "Simon Says." • Yeah, another online quiz, but this one's a fun one for "Star Wars" fans: "What kind of Jedi Are You?" Jedi Master I am. (Maybe because I confessed to watching The Discovery Channel?) Thanks to Denise for the link! • This article is several years old, but I did not know that John O'Hurley, the actor who played J. Peterman on "Seinfeld," actually bought into the company and became a co-owner. I tried hunting around the J. Peterman site to see if he still is a co-owner, but couldn't find any info. This site seems to confirm that he is, though. And here's a fun page of J. Peterman blurbs from "Seinfeld," including my favorite: “The Rogue’s Wallet. That’s where he kept his card, his dirty little secret. Short, devious, balding. His name was Costanza. He killed my mother.” (Thanks to Scott for the original link!) • When I saw "Napoleon Dynamite," I was convinced that ligers, the lion-tiger cross Napoleon loved so well ("It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and tiger mixed ... bred for its skills in magic.") were fake. I'd better not tell this guy he's fake. The article quotes a zookeeper as saying “the lion and the tiger live in neighboring caves in the Novosibirsk zoo, and got used to each other. [This kind of cross-breeding is] practically impossible in the wild.” • Whenever "The Sopranos" eventually returns, it's just not going to be the same for me without Adriana. HBO is offering "Sopranos" themed ringers for your phone, from Paulie Walnuts and Meadow Soprano. My favorite is the first one, where Paulie announces "This phone's bugged. Don't say nothin' about the place. Or the other place. Or the guy. From the other place." Kroffts are still super, but please, no movies As a TV-watching kid in the 1970s, I didn't want to grow up to be Marcia Brady or Laurie Partridge (well, maybe a little). I wanted to be Joy from The Bugaloos. The Bugaloos were a British rock band made of, er, bugs. (Inspired by the Beatles, anyone?). Joy was the only girl, and she wore a frilly pink tutu-like dress and giant wings, and somehow that was the coolest outfit I'd ever seen. "The Bugaloos" flew from the deliciously demented minds of Sid and Marty Krofft, whose programs were a Saturday staple in the 1970s. I remember "Lidsville," a land of giant hats that walked and talked, terrified me. But "Electra Woman and Dyna Girl" may have eventually inspired me to go into magazine journalism. "Dr. Shrinker," "Land of the Lost," "Wonderbug," I loved all of the Krofft oeuvre, even before I knew what "oeuvre" meant. And of course, the Kroffts aren't immune to the modern Hollywood craze of remaking everything that was even remotely successful. (Do we really need a big-screen movie of "Dallas"?) According to this article, Sid and Marty Krofft are considering taking "H.R. Pufnstuf" and "Land of the Lost" to the big screen. Marty Krofft notes in the article that the kids who watched his shows as children are now working their way up the ladder at various studios, so they tend to look kindly on their old memories. Here's a message to those kids-now-grown: STOP! Preserve our memories by NOT making any Krofft movies! The charm of the show was its goofiness, the way it felt both cheap and slick all at the same time. In the article linked above, Sid Krofft says of brother Marty: "He was like Walt Disney without the budget. We did this thing with spit and cement, you know." We know, we know. And that's the reason we remember it so fondly. I know I don't want to see a high-tech version of something that was so adorably low-tech to begin with. I don't want to see Julia Roberts as Joy from the Bugaloos, or Ashton Kutcher as Sigmund. You can't go home again, except maybe by watching DVDs. The article notes that "Pufnstuf," "Lidsville" and "Land of the Lost" offer at least some of their seasons on DVD, and that "Sigmund and the Sea Monster" is coming next. While I'll likely buy some of the Krofft DVDs, my dream is still for someone to create a cable channel called Saturday Morning. It could feature all the Krofft goodies, mixed in with Schoolhouse Rock videos, In the News news segments, old candy and cereal commercials (Super Sugar Crisp, back before "Sugar" was dumped from the name), you know the rest. One problem with that, though: I might never leave the couch. • April 26, 2005 | 6 a.m. PT Comfort fiction I've written before about comfort pop culture, the kind of books, music, TV and movies you reach for when you need a soothing break from the myriad woes of the world. I've recently discovered a book series that fills that bill perfectly for me. Alexander McCall Smith's "No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" series tells the story of Botswana's only all-female detective agency, run by Mma* Precious Ramotswe. But these are not your typical detective novels. I'm not normally a reader of detective fiction, and I love these all the same. The cases Mma Ramotswe tackles are small ones. She rarely handles a murder, instead, she deals with cheating lovers, guilty consciences who want to set something right in their pasts, the quiet, low-volume problems of the world. It's not the cases that matter here, like Hitchcock's MacGuffin, they are just the means to an end. The true heart of the book is in Mma Ramotswe's charm, her cordial, old-fashioned attitude and formal way of speaking, her complete lack of cynicism, and her deep and abiding love for Africa, her family, and her late father. Yet she doesn't come across as a Pollyanna. Mma Ramotswe has made mistakes in her life (namely, a marriage to a violent trumpeter) and has suffered losses (her beloved father, an infant). While she sometimes reflects on the passing of old-fashioned morals and values, she also knows that much of life in Botswana is better thanks to modern times and advances. The New York Times Book Review this weekend devoted a huge amount of space to writing about the series. Janet Malcolm notes that while the books hint at the AIDS epidemic that has so tortured Botswana, they don't address it directly, calling it "this cruel sickness." At first that jolted me a little, but when we watch the brother of a major character die of the illness, I can't feel that the series has ignored it. It floats through the major characters' minds in the same way horrible things float through ours — terrorism, cancer — yet we do not let them conquer us, and nor does Mma Ramotswe. McCall Smith has begun another book series, "The Sunday Philosophy Club," set in Scotland. I've enjoyed the first book in that series, but I have to say the books I'm craving remain the "No. 1 Ladies" books. Philosopher-turned-detective Isabel Dalhousie is well-drawn, but she's a little too much like many other detective series out there, whereas no character I know of is like Mma Ramotswe. The latest book in the series, "The Full Cupboard of Life" came out last week and I tried to stretch out my reading of it to make it last. There's nothing better to send you through those last few minutes of reading before you put out the light, nothing better to help soothe and close down your mind for the day. In a perfect world, there'd be an unending series of Mma Ramotswe books, and if McCall Smith keeps cranking them out the way he has been (six in two years!), that just might happen. * "Mma" is a Botswanan title for "mother" or "Mrs.," as the author explains in a Q&A on the Random House Web site. • April 22, 2005 | 10:15 a.m. PT Five-link Friday Here's our Friday linkage: • Woke up this morning, got myself a Sopranos pinball machine. (Thanks to Jon for the link!) • Forget "Star Wars" for a minute: If you're going batty to get a sneak peek of "Batman Begins," which comes to theaters in June, mark your calendar for May 18 (the day before "Revenge of the Sith" opens). That's the day that an eight-minute preview for "Batman Begins" will air during the WB's "Smallville" season finale. You can already watch a shorter preview online. • "Deadwood" fans might find this site interesting. It offers up real history about the men and women portrayed on HBO's Western. Yes, there was a real Al Swearengen, and according to the site "he was every bit as ugly as the character portrayed in the 'Deadwood' series." • Coming soon: "Napoleon Dynamite" action figures. But will they make a Liger? • I pity da fool who doesn't read Mr T comics. • April 19, 2005 | 1:30 p.m. PT Your thoughts on ‘Push It’ commercial Readers were somewhat split about the use of "Push It" in the commercial I mentioned. Some agreed it was a bizarre choice, but others accused me of having a dirty mind and said the song was just fine. Others wanted to talk about the use of other popular songs in different commercials, especially songs where the meaning seems to have been lost on the advertising agency. Here are some of your thoughts. MOM SINGS ‘PUSH IT’ “Regarding “Push It”: It is quite conceivable that GM is ignorant about the sexual overtones to “Push It.” In high school, one of my good friends horrifiedly recounted at lunch how she came home from school the previous day to find her mother on the floor rearranging the furniture singing “Push It.” “Mom!” she cried, “What are you singing?!?” “Oh, that ‘Push It’ song.” “Do you have any idea what that song means?” “What do you mean? Isn’t it about pushing things, or testing limits, or something?” “No! It’s about... SEX!” “Oh.” So if my friend’s forty-something year-old mother didn’t realize what was going on in “Push It,” chances are that GM either doesn’t know or doesn’t think it matters. It just might work, too: middle-aged people won’t get it, and younger people just might find a coolness factor in the use of a song about sex. (For what it’s worth, I have to feel that the younger crowd will be turned off by a song 15-20 years old!)” --Chris HUG A TREE “Last I checked, this is the year 2005 and we live in America. You know, “land of the free and home of the brave” and then we have people like you that can find any little thing and knit pick it until it’s dead. It’s a commercial. No nudity, not one breast or butt shown, just a hot red button. Give it a rest. This is not a puritan society. It’s the modern day. NO BIG DEAL. Find an animal to save or a tree to hug. Stop messing up real T.V. .” --Michelle PUSHING IT “I agree that the GM commercial is ‘pushing it.’ What makes commercials even worse are the ones that take something not funny and try to make it funny—like the commercial where the surgeon says to his operating room staff “come on, like you didn’t think it was the spleen” after being told he had removed a healthy spleen.. This happens way too often in real life and is not funny.” --Ellen SPACE SHUTTLE “I think it’s certainly bizarre. But am I the only one who thought the GM space shuttle commercial was in bad taste? Considering we’re weeks away from launching our first shuttle since the Columbia, over two years ago? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me.” --Kara BEST COMMERCIAL “Nothing wrong with the song ... dirty mind or not ... they are targeting people in their mid-30’s who grew up listening (or doing other things) to that song. I would have to keep this in the “best” commercial theme category.” --Anna ANOTHER AD “I had the exact same thought about the GM commercial. But here’s another reason why it’s so (unintentionally) funny...that same song was used to hilarious effect in another recent commercial. I can’t remember what the product was (I think it was some kind of software product or other business solution) but it involves a manager checking up on his slacking team. He is concerned about their performance because they are dancing while listening to - you guessed it - “Push It”. Like I said, I can’t remember the product but the commercial was quite funny, due largely to the use of that song. So the GM ad evoked memories of that other ad.” --Lori INAPPROPRIATE “I believe I have seen that commercial a few days before the airing of Desperate Housewives, and I did find the song in the background to be a little inappropriate. I could not believe that they actually used that song!” --D GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER “Actually I think the song is fine given the circumstances. You PUSH a button to find out if you’re a winner. Maybe you should get your mind out of the gutter. Salt N Pepa’s PUSH IT is probably at least a ten year old song, so I really doubt that too many young children even know what the song is referring to. Or maybe your problem is with GM. Whatever the case, I saw the commercial, and I didn’t relate it to anything sexual until you brought it up!” --Jamie YOUTH AS BACKGROUND MUSIC “My wife, who is nine years younger than I, had a different reaction to the commercial. She has realized the songs of her youth are now background music for commercials. This ad along with the Old Navy ad currently airing drive her nuts! Myself, having already been through this stage, told welcome to my world.” --Rick '99 LUFTBALLOONS' “There was a commercial for something I can’t think of right now, but it had a too-sweet cover of Nena’s “99 Luftballoons” (well, the English version). What struck me was the inappropriateness of it. They focused on this pleasant scene with red balloons, forgetting the song was about NUCLEAR WAR!” --Charles NOTHING SURPRISES “When a major cruise line is using a song about heroin use in it’s commercials, is anything really surprising?” --Courtney GETTING DESPERATE “ ‘Desperate Housewives’? I think thats more disturbing than the commercial.” --David • April 18, 2005 | 10 a.m. PT GM pushes it So I'm sitting at home, watching "Desperate Housewives" last night, and one of those commercials comes on that makes me sit up straight and say "Did I just see that? Was that a real commercial, or have I stumbled onto a "Saturday Night Live" parody?" Maybe you saw it too. It's a General Motors commercial advertising a new contest called Hot Button Bonus Cash that the car company is having. Apparently you go to a GM dealer, sit in a designated car, and push the OnStar button. If you're a winner, the OnStar advisor will tell you. Not, in itself, a bad concept: It gets customers into the dealerships, gets them familiar with OnStar (assuming they haven't already seen the zillion commercials where people shout about how they've driven off the road and OnStar helps them). But how did GM decide to promote this contest in their nationally aired TV commercial, for which they bought space during one of the most popular TV programs in the country? With Salt N Pepa's "Push It" (push it real good!). How do you think that went over in the advertising meetings? I mean, all I know of commercial concept meetings is what I learned from "thirtysomething," but I'm having a hard time picturing even Michael and Elliott getting this one past the suits at GM. Is it possible they showed the rest of the commercial, and then just dismissively said "..and we'll layer some music over it here." Is it possible that they said "You know how we want to sell this concept? Graphic sexual innuendo, yeah, that's the ticket. No, forget innuendo, we want to be as blunt as children's safety scissors." Is is possible that the GM advertising department is filled with workers whose minds are as pure as the driven snow, and they just could not see anything else except a nice song about pushing ... buttons? Or maybe I'm the one with the dirty mind and the commercial is just fine. This all sets me to thinking: Remember last year's best/worst commercial theme? Where in the end, we declared the toe fungus commercials the worst, and the Citibank identity-theft ads the best? Let's do that again, this summer. So start mentally cataloging those commercials now. I'll let you know when to send in your lists. • April 15, 2005 | 10 a.m. PT Five-link Friday Here's our collection of linkage for Tax Day. • Tax Day is also the deadline to submit your Bulwer-Lytton entries. If you're not familiar with the contest, it's named for the author of the much-parodied line "It was a dark and stormy night," and it awards prizes to excruciatingly bad writing. Read through some of the past winners for a good groan. The 2003 winner is one of my favorites: "They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently. " • If Tax Day has you down, this might bring you up — it brought a smile to my face. Sing Along With Homer Simpson. I think my favorite is his "Mr. Plow Rap." ("I'm Mr. Plow and I'm here to say, I'm the plowingest guy in the U.S.A. I got a big plow and I move a lot of things ... like your cow, if you have one.") Via Monkeyfilter. • This just made me howl. Amy Forstadt has put online some of her childhood diary entries from 1977, and each one is read aloud (not all by Amy) and animated. Click on April 17 (audio) for the one that made me crack up. "TOILET WATER! Out of the TOILET!" • Fans of the great quirky comedy "Arrested Development" are mounting a campaign to "Save Our Bluths." I hope they succeed. • Here are the text crawls for all of the “Star Wars” movies, including "Episode III: Revenge of the Sith," due out in May. (“War” ! Yeah, and, uh, also “Stars”!) Click on the little icon in the lower right corner to make them legible. I have to say, I think the first movie had the most appealing crawl. And the most boring crawl award has to go to Episode II, for the snore-inducing line “There is unrest in the Galactic Senate.” Zzzz... • April 13, 2005 | 12: 15 p.m. PT Gone to the dogs: Last week, Andy Dehnart and I each named our top five underrated reality shows. But if I had to make that list today, I'd have a new #1: "Showdog Moms & Dads,"which runs new episodes Wednesdays at 10 p.m. ET/PT. You may remember the show's predecessor, "Showbiz Moms & Dads," about mostly pushy parents trying to make their young kids a success in acting, singing, beauty pageants and the like. Think the exact same show, only with dogs replacing the kids. It's brilliant, just brilliant. If "Best in Show" had been spun off into a TV series, this would be it. The most interesting dog-owner to me is Kyra, an incredibly nervous young woman who has a husband, but who appears to really be married to her Weimaraner, Chalcy. Bravo's site for the show notes that "Every night is spent at some sort of dog-related activity, whether it's lessons, or practice. Every weekend is spent at competition or doing live performances at fairs, corporate events or sporting events." (Sound like a soccer or hockey mom and dad you might know?) In the most recent episode I saw, Chalcy hurt her paw on the beach at Lake Isabella, and honestly, I don't think my mom was that freaked out when I got socked in the eye with a softball. Poor Kyra was about out of her mind trying to find a vet and get the dog to him or her as quickly as possible. I understand the true love one can have for a pet, really but there's a certain sadness in her dependency on the dog. As we all know, pets have a much more limited lifespan than humans, and it's hard to watch Kyra each week and imagine her surviving the eventual loss of Chalcy. Two of the couples profiled also intrigue me. Boyfriends Brandon and Ryan (Ryan runs a Seattle pet-accessory company, High Maintenance b***h) seem to fight nonstop, so much so that even their poor dogs look terrified. The two screamed at each other so much in the latest episode that one ended up calling the Issaquah (Seattle suburb) cops — yeah, like the police don't have better things to do than break up a nonviolent squabble between two spoiled adults. The two are hoping to train tiny Liberace (!) to be a show dog, but if they keep fighting like this, the dog may just commit suicide, a la Paris Hilton's pooches in a recent "South Park" parody. Another intriguing couple is Moira and Adam, mother and young son. Moira works full-time in the world of dog obedience teaching and judging, and is also tutoring Adam in dog handling. But what's hard to watch about these two is how vocally negative the mother is of her son, criticizing seemingly his every move. Yes, it's her world, but there's a point where a mom needs to stop judging and be a mom, with love filtering into her negativity. (That said, there was a touching moment when Adam wanted his mom to stop teaching her class and help him hunt for a lost tooth. She didn't, but her words were kind and loving nonetheless.) Maybe "Showdog Moms & Dads" feels like a safer show to watch than "Showbiz," because for the most part (sorry, Adam), young children aren't involved. The dogs may look ridiculous in some of the costumes they have to wear, but they're not scarred for life (well...maybe Liberace is). Everyone can relate to loving a pet, and that connection opens us up to try and understand these uber-devoted dog owners, even if we think we wouldn't react as they do. Bravo handles the show in the smart way the network handles most of their programming, rarely judging, only finding interesting people, turning the cameras on, and stepping back. Tune in now, because the show is a limited run, and it's just doggone fascinating. • April 8, 2005 | 10 a.m. PT Five-link Friday Let's leave the topic of "Lost" for today and get back to our Friday roundup of random fun links. (But a note to "Lost" fans: It looks like we'll have a long time to chew over recent events, a new show isn't scheduled until May 4.) • I have found the next "Spring Break Shark Attack." Set those VCRs and TiVos for "Locusts," about everyone's greatest fear, an attack of bioengineered super-locuts! Coming soon on ... yes, CBS again. • I don't really care if Charles and Camilla get married, live in sin, or run off and join the circus. And I don't actually have a Diana-Charles wedding mug (I have a Prince Harry birth commemorative mug though), and if I did, I certainly wouldn't replace Diana's face with Camilla's. Still, I found the site kind of funny. Congratulations, boring old gits! • I did so horribly in the NCAA brackets (Illinois! You were my one hope, and you let me down!) that even though I'm Catholic, I wouldn't even attempt the Pope brackets. (Note: Ireland's entry is the fictional Father Ted.) • Creepy and weird, but funny: The chilling final scene from the movie "Se7en," performed by stuffed animals (and one Boobah). QuickTime needed, audio/video warning. Via Metafilter. • I wanted to link to this the Friday before Easter, but the site wasn't working for me then. But now, feel free to enjoy Lord of the Peeps, a marshmallowy trip through Tolkien. • April 7, 2005 | 10:30 a.m. PT Reaction to ‘Lost’ Over? "Lost" fans say it's not over until we say it is. Many hold out hope that Boone will be back, and many believe another main character may be doomed before the May season finale. We shall see. WHAT'S LEFT? "So now that we have had a main character die, what will the finale be...that's going to be a real twist, I hope." —Cpoole SNIFF “Because of the aforementioned “visions” by Locke, the death of Boone didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was the reaction I had at the end of the show. “The Circle of Life” schmaltz is usually something I can see coming a mile away and am prepared for drippy emotional responses. You knew it was coming—Claire in labour, Boone slipping away (whole, thank god...could not have stomached what Jack was preparing to do). And yet there I was, curled up and misty as the camera panned the group. That caught me off guard.” —Pamela “Regardless of what the media says I say that was a brilliant performance on that episode for the actors. I cried, because I didn’t want “Boone” to die, even though I figured it out.” —Sondra ANOTHER DEATH TO COME? “I was shocked it was Boone. Way too predictable for the Lost we know and love! I too am relieved it wasn’t a character that I was more attached to. I don’t think we have seen the last death of season one! Maybe this death was not the one that all the spoilers were pointing to?” —Becky “I would have been surprised if Boone lived. He had horrible injuries and it would have been crazy if he actually recovered or was stable given the primitive setting Jack was working in. I don’t think this is THE death they are alluding to; I think there will be another before the finale.” —Kelley NOT DEAD? “[I’m] sitting here still wondering if Boone is actually dead. It’s hard to believe that someone in the show is even wanting to leave this great show. For me something is amiss. I have this feeling that Boone will be back somehow.” —Robert ISLAND NEEDS THE BABY “I guess the only thing I’m surprised by is that Locke was nowhere to be found while his “little buddy” lay dying. I don’t think he knew Boone would die. In his vision Boone was upright and bloody, mumbling about his nanny falling up and down the stairs. That Boone didn’t survive is going to weigh on Locke in a big way...for better or for worse. I think the island, or whatever power is making this all happen, needs Claire’s baby. A clean slate of sorts to manifest itself fully. Walt is young and has demonstrated a bizarre kind of power but he’s also old enough to resist if he chooses. Claire’s baby will not have that option. Am I the only one who finds it weirdly ironic that Boone survived an airliner crash only to die in an already downed small plane crash? Interesting writing.” —Nadine POLL "Your poll is not written well. The 'reasons" for yes and no seem to be reversed. It would do you well to correct it." —Jennifer [Editor's Note: Nope, it's meant to be that way. On this show, an obvious death is more surprising than a twist coming out of left field, hence we asked people if they were surprised that the death was obvious.] • April 6, 2005 | 9 p.m. PT Death comes to ‘Lost’ (Warning: "Lost" spoilers ahead, duh.) Talk about timing. When I started this discussion of who'd die on "Lost," I had no idea it was going to happen so soon. I figured the death, and the birth of Claire's mysterious baby, would wait until the dramatic two-part season finale, scheduled for sometime in May. Was I wrong. And am I ever glad we started the discussion before this happened. It's intriguing to see just how many people guessed what was coming, and yet how many thought Boone's injury was just too predictable. (Here's my feature story on the death; here's my weekly chart of what else happened.) I'm not sure yet how I feel about this plot development. In a way, I'm thankful it wasn't a character I liked more. I would have seriously had to consider a personal boycott of the show had they killed off my beloved Hurley, as was once rumored. And while I could do without Kate, I begrudgingly must admit she's got an interesting backstory that's only begun to be explored. While I figured a male character would be the one to die because there are so few females among the cast, I also wouldn't have been shocked had Claire died in childbirth. (Instead, she popped out that baby like a pro.) What troubles me about Boone's death is how deeply Locke, another of my favorite characters, must share the blame. He knew, based on his bloody vision, what he was leading Locke into, and he did it anyway. Wanting so much to know the island's secrets, he chose to be blind to its dangers. I don't know if I can forgive Locke for that, and I don't know if he can forgive himself. Share your thoughts on the episode and the future of the show, and I'll pull together a sampling. And be sure to vote in our poll about whether the death surprised you. • April 6, 2005 | 12:15 p.m. PT More on ‘Lost’ We were discussing which character is likely to get killed off on "Lost," and one reader's comments set viewers off on a completely different tangent. In Monday's entry, a reader who just signed his or her note "G" (it's not me, I swear), wrote in to say "enough backflashes, let’s get on with the plot.” Well! You touched a nerve there, G. "Lost" viewers recognize the flashbacks to each character's history as vital to the show's plot. Here are some of your comments on that, as well as more opinions on who's doomed. “The flashback scenes must stay. They are an integral part of the story. They show how the characters are tied to one another before the crash. It is obvious that they don’t realize the connection yet.” --Betsy “Get rid of the backflashes? That’s ridiculous! That is one of the attributes that makes Lost such a winner. If you watch closely, you can see in those backflashes how everyone is interspersed! Keep the backflashes!” --Anonymous “Get rid of the flashbacks? Those ARE the plot! Does this person even watch the show? Sheesh!” --Lindsay JIN “With “anything can happen” capabilities of the island, I don’t think Boone will die. Jin hasn’t had much of a storyline besides leaving Sun and I don’t see his character going anywhere else so my guess is Jin.” --Jesse CLAIRE “Claire’s baby will live. Claire’s character is however the most expendable. She seems to be on the island just for the sake of carrying her baby. Her flashbacks were all centered on the baby and I believed that her kidnapping was related to her being with child. However, once her child is born, I think she’ll kick the bucket and charlie will raise her baby.” --Lenn NOT CLAIRE “Not Claire! Claire can’t go because if she does, what happens to the baby? The palmreader sent her on that plane (knowing that she would end up on that island) to raise her baby by herself. If she goes, someone else would have to raise the baby. And that’s not good.” --Gab NOT BOONE “Boone won’t die - they did the same thing a couple of months ago, advertising that somebody was going to die, and it turned out to be someone we barely knew, if we’d known them at all. It’s a great show, but I, too, want them to move forward with the plot.” --Donna MICHAEL OR LOCKE “I think it will either be Michael and the boat, or it will actually be Locke of all people. It has been said that there will be a circle of life in this episode and I think that Locke was “special” just as the baby is supposed to be “special”. Out with the old, in with the new!” --Jarred CHARLIE “I think it’s going to be Charlie. Charlie took Ethan’s life and the island will take Charlie’s life in payment. We all know that Ethan went down too easy. And with Charlie’s interest in Claire and the baby the timing would be just perfect.” --Andrea LOCKE “Locke will find the enlightenment he is looking for, but he’ll pay for it with his life. In Locke’s final moments, he and the audience will see something none of the other characters will.” --Mike SHANNON “I voted for Shannon. I think Boone dying is too obvious and we haven’t seen much of Shannon lately.” --Bryan KATE “It won’t be Claire’s baby, after what the psychic said back in Austraila about him/her!!! Too much potential there...I think the baby is going to be a major part of the show along with Walt and Locke...Kate can go…shes annoying and frankly, NO FUN TO WATCH.” --Missy HURLEY “Either Hurley will be killed off or he will have to lose a lot of weight next season. I think it’s him.. with my second choice being Boone.” --Tim ALL OF THEM “They are all dead. They died in the crash. This is what Purgatory looks like.” --Cass • April 4, 2005 | 10 a.m. PT Is Boone doomed? Last week, I laid out my own personal odds for the character most likely to not survive the season on ABC's "Lost." Boone, Charlie and Jin were high on my list (and that was before Boone's bloody accident). Here are some of your thoughts on who's doomed. You can also vote in the poll to the right. BOONE OR JIN “I think Boone will bite the dust. This character isn’t really all that important to the show and his storyline—Gilligan to Locke’s Skipper—as Locke’s sidekick with an unhealthy and weird attraction to his sleazy sister isn’t doing anything to further the big story. Alternatively, Jin would be a good candidate for extermination. Perhaps he’ll find he just can’t live with his wife’s betrayal and commit hari kari with one of Locke’s bigass knives.” --Nadine “I think that Jin is definitely the most expendable, mainly because of the language barrier. I don’t see how he could become anything more than a minor character. It wouldn’t break my heart to see Shannon go, she drives me nuts. Hurley has to stay to help solve the mystery of the numbers, and for comic relief. Boone seems the weakest of the bunch, so my bet is it’s between him and Jin. Just please not Sawyer!” --Patti NOT BOONE “Boone being hurt so badly as we are nearing the season’s end makes him a blatantly obvious choice. And there is nothing blatantly obvious about ‘Lost’, except the continuing mysteries of the island.” --Mark MICHAEL “This is ABC/Disney—Walt has to be an orphan—Michael’s days are numbered. His death will involve the raft/boat.” --Anonymous ROSE OR CLAIRE “I think it will be Rose or Claire. Why Rose? Only because of the quote from Josh Holloway in his interview. Why Claire? Well, since last nights episode with the plane crashing and the discovery of the heroin, I kept thinking of Charlie and the only way he would probably get hooked again is if something major bad happens to him (i.e. Claire passing during childbirth. Why else would they bring heroin back into the picture?” --MD JIN “My vote is for Jin. Other than his leaving Sun his story seems mostly played out. His death could open the way for a developing relationship between Sun and Michael. All the others still seem to have more story to tell and secrets to reveal, even Boone. His relationship with Shannon and Locke still has potential. Plus, since when does a show the caliber of Lost, let the previews of the next show, reveal what actually will happen. I think Boone might be safest when he seems most likely to die.” --Tanya CHARLIE OR BOONE “I think Charlie or Boone [is] going to die. Although Charlie has a good storyline with the drug addiction and his romance blooming [with] Claire. I think Boone is more expendable.” --Lori CHARLIE “Charlie He will go back on drugs he found in the plane...too bad. But he will die a hero.” --Curtis CLAIRE’S BABY “I think it’s going to be Claire’s baby. I can’t see them killing off Boone right now when he has a major story line with Locke opening the hatch! I sure don’t want to see him go but his wounds looked pretty gory.” --Tiffany “I hope Boone isn’t the one to go. He’s a good looking guy for younger viewers to watch. He needs to be there for his stepsister. I would be glad to see Jin go. He hasn’t caught my attention as a good character. Claire’s unborn baby would be my choice. Just think how hard it will be to raise a newborn on an island.” --Amanda KATE “I am an avid fan of the show and a character I would most like to see go is Kate. Whereas I once was excited by her storyline I now find myself annoyed with her. I would much rather prefer seeing Shannon, a character with sass, or Claire so we can finally see her baby be born. We all know it will be a major character but a minor major character, someone we all like but the show can still go on with when they’re dead.” --Melody SHANNON “I think the character of Shannon may be the one to leave; she is seen in the previews of the new network series ‘Grey’s Anatomy’.” --Anonymous VINCENT “The dog!’ --Anonymous SPRING BREAK SHARK ATTACK? “I think someone will die trying to escape the island on the raft and then they’ll all be to afraid to attempt another escape. Maybe Walt will conjure up a giant shark or Moby d**k.” --Matt ALMOST ANYONE “Whoever plays Jin is a good actor. Keep him. If they get rid of the Iraqi guy, I will lose a lot of interest. Keep the funny (fat) guy, too. Everyone else, I can live without you. And enough backflashes, let’s get on with the plot.” --G NO ONE IS SAFE “If Maude Flanders can die, no one’s safe.” --Chris • April 1, 2005 | 11 a.m. PT Five-link Friday I'm a little late posting this week's five-link Friday, thanks to both oversleeping and a flat tire. Happy April Fool's to me, I guess. Also: Feel free to keep sending in your theories about "Lost," I'll publish some next week. • Famous April Fool's Day pranks. Ahh, the spaghetti harvest of Switzerland and the Taco Bell Liberty Bell. • As the new "Star Wars" movie approaches, perhaps it's time to revisit Han Solo in carbonite. (Thanks to Alan for the link!) • I'm a fan of the James Bond books even more than the movies, and I'm fascinated with the bitter, hard-bitten war veteran Bond who never comes through in the Hollywood version. Now Hyperion has started a young adult series of Bond books, the Young Bond series, looking at a teenage James Bond in the 1930s. • After I wrote an entry earlier this week about Crowded House and the song "Weather With You," which begins with the lyrics "Walkin' round the room singing 'Stormy Weather,' at 57 Mount Pleasant Street," my husband Rob sent me this link. Turns out 57 Mount Pleasant Street is the British registry office where John Lennon married Cynthia Powell in 1962, a marriage that he later tried to keep secret so as not to anger crazed teen Beatle fans who couldn't stand the thought of one of the Mop Tops being unavailable. • McSweeney's presents e-mail addresses it would be really annoying to give out over the phone. (Via Metafilter.) • March 30, 2005 | 6 a.m. PT Who'll get ‘Lost’? Warning: If you can't stand television spoilers or speculation about what may or may not happen in upcoming episodes, stop reading now. "Lost" cocreator J.J. Abrams has said that one of his plane-crash survivors will not survive the season. Who's it going to be? I don't know, but like everyone else, I can speculate. JACK: Personally, the doctor's plots have been a little dull lately, but he's the show's de facto leader -- he's not going anywhere. Plus, he still has to find out that Sawyer ran into his now-dead father in Australia. KATE: She's technically the show's lead actress, even though she's been reduced to a supporting role lately. She should be safe, although I wouldn't be crushed if she wasn't. SAYID: I'd think the former Iraqi soldier is fairly safe. He's been in all the action, and he's also got a new romance cooking with Shannon. Still, some have claimed that the departing actor is "sexy," and Sayid certainly fills that bill. And he's definitely one to put himself in harm's way. HURLEY: An early rumor that the departing character was a "big guy" had lots of people fearing the worst for the large millionaire, but I've since heard that rumor debunked. Let's hope the debunking is right: The show wouldn't be the same without Jorge Garcia's mellow dude. LOCKE: No way is he gone. It's Locke's island, the rest of them all just live on it. (Although ... I could envision a plot where it looks like Locke's killed, but he resurfaces safely later.) MICHAEL AND WALT: The father and son team are interesting. Other than Michael's work on the raft, they haven't had much to do recently. Walt's likely to stay since the show has only begun to explore his weird polar-bear conjuring powers, but Michael shouldn't feel so safe. CHARLIE: The rocker sure kicked drugs fast, didn't he? He's head over heels in love with Claire, so much so that if she and her about-to-be-born infant were in danger, he might gladly sacrifice himself for them. Charlie's a definite possibility. CLAIRE: Well, she could die in childbirth, since the only island medical facilities are Jack's doctor bag and any remaining drugs Charlie may have stashed ... and her baby may have a creepy secret anyway. But I don't think so. She's a prime player, baby and all. BOONE: Boone who? He's become Locke's sidekick, but except for the revelation about his creepy relationship with his stepsister, Boone's been relegated to wandering around guarding things. I wouldn't give him good odds to stay. SHANNON: I'd give her a better chance than Boone, thanks to her developing romance with Sayid and the fact that there aren't as many women on the show as men. SAWYER: The actor who plays the tough con man, Josh Holloway, is on the cover of next week's TV Guide, and he says "The someone-dying thing really breaks my heart. It's a very good friend of mine and that hurts...but who knows? I may be joining them next season." Now you might assume that Holloway was told to say that regardless of whether his character is the doomed one or not. When TV Guide asks him for clues as to the soon-to-be-dearly departed, he says only "Look at whose story lines have been developing and whose haven't." I think Sawyer's character is developing more than most, and I'm betting he'll stay around. SUN AND JIN: If one of these two were to go, it would probably be about the most crowd-pleasing move. Because Jin doesn't speak English and until recently, Sun didn't want people to know she spoke English, their roles have been limited. And Jin's been made out to be a bit of a bad guy, so fans might not be so sad to see him go — especially if he redeems himself somehow by his death. OTHERS: Well, Abrams has apparently specified that it will be one of the main 14, but if you don't buy that ... Frenchwoman Danielle Rousseau? Rose, the not-so-major character who refuses to believe her husband is dead? Claire's yet-unborn baby? The polar bear? (Or is he already dead ... an earlier show implied as much?) Have a theory on who will bite the dust? Send in your thoughts and I'll share them in an upcoming column. • March 28, 2005 | 9:45 a.m. PT Weather with you When I heard this morning that Paul Hester, the drummer for Crowded House, apparently hanged himself in a park, my mental radio switched on "Weather With You" and has been playing it in my head nonstop. I hesitate to call myself a Crowded House fan, because I could only name one of their songs, and I came to that one late. But it was one of those songs that carried a message I needed to hear when I heard it for the first time, and has stuck with me since. I was in western Ireland on a work trip, my first-ever time in Europe. Back in the U.S., my husband had moved from California to marry me and live in my home state of Minnesota, but we were considering a cross-country move of our own. I'd never lived anywhere else, never been away from my family, and the thought of moving, uprooting my life, weighed heavy on my mind. My group had gone to one of Ireland's famed pubs, but were shocked to find how early the pub closed. At 11:15, the bartenders were calling "Gentlemen, your glasses, gentlemen, your glasses!" But someone in our group knew of an after-hours dance club, and we all headed there. It was cold and rainy, but the dance club was huge and crowded, and in true junior-high-school fashion, we all threw our coats and bags in a circle and danced around them. Finally, at 4 a.m., with the club apparently continuing on nonstop, we decided to head back to the farm where we were staying. As we headed for the exits, Crowded House's "Weather With You" began to blast through the club, and one of the women with us shrieked with joy and dragged us all back to the dance floor. The lyrics of the song start small, in a room with a small china boat on a mantelpiece, but they swell into a crashing chorus. For someone who was debating a big move, a big life change, the chorus presented words I needed to hear: Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you, everywhere you go, you always take the weather. What those lyrics meant to Crowded House I don't know, but to me they meant that you're still you, wherever you go, and that if you carry with you a storm, you can't escape it by moving, yet if you carry with you a fierce spirit, you will always be at home. And suddenly the world just seemed so huge. In the darkness, all of Ireland stretched outside, all of Europe, all of the world. A cross-country move seemed doable, even worthy. I don't know what great sadness led Paul Hester to take his own life,. But I'd like to thank him, a man I never knew, for his part in producing that one song. Its message for me was simple and vital, and is still with me today, in my new life, 1500 miles away from home. • March 25, 2005 | 9:30 a.m. PT Five-link Friday More weekend linkage. • Is that a dagger or a donut I see before me? "Macbeth" meets "The Simpsons" in "MacHomer." • Back when movies became talkies, some actors' careers were ruined because they just didn't have good voices. Will the same thing happen as HDTV spreads? Because apparently some actors just don't look that great in high-def. Cameron Diaz and Britney Spears, we're looking at you. (Thanks to Kim for the link!) • Longing for products from the past? One of your best places to check is the Vermont Country Store, which offers such old favorites as My-T-Fine pudding, Adorn hair spray, Tabu lipstick and Walnettos candy. Sadly, they can't really bring back most of my favorite products since they're not made any more. Pepsi Lite and Marathon candy bars, we hardly knew ye. • Fun but frustrating: Try to make words with these refrigerator-magnet type letters, but beware: Someone else wants that "A" just as much as you do, or maybe more. (Link via Zannah.) • Yeah, I'm usually not big on the cutesy, but this rappin' Easter bunny was a little funny. Happy Easter, if you celebrate. We'll be having the traditional Easter lasagna. • March 23, 2005 | 9:40 a.m. PT ‘Idol’ blows it The one person you would not want to be today is whoever is in charge of the on-screen phone number captioning for Fox. As you've probably already heard, "American Idol" aired three incorrect phone numbers on last night's show and will be rebroadcasting a hybrid version of that same show tonight. Fox's Web site says the show "will combine new live elements with encores of Tuesday's performances." I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I visualize poor Ryan Seacrest standing in an empty auditorium, cracking lame jokes and pushing buttons on a remote control to show reruns of Tuesday's songs. (Naw, they'll round up another live audience ... maybe they can create a partnership with NBC and hire the Apprentices to recruit viewers ... Chris can dress in a clown suit and chew tobacco, since that worked so well for the mini-golf challenge.) Anyway, I suspect Fox is kind of making it up as they go along, because they definitely didn't plan for this. It's funny, but the numbers were listed incorrectly only because someone at Fox tried to be overly helpful when setting up the numbers originally. Someone thought it would be easier for fans to remember if part of the numbers spelled out IDOLS. But then in an extra-eager helpful gesture, in case callers are unable to make the number-letter transition, Fox reprints each number in all numerals. I'm all in favor of that, honestly — phone numbers spelled out with letters are a wee bit cutesy, and I'm usually capable of remembering 7 numbers long enough to plug them into a phone. If I were an "Idol" voter (which I am not), I'd have likely jotted down the all-number version of the phone number for my favorite crooner. And then, if my favorite crooner were Jessica Sierra (it is not) or Mikalah Gordon (it is most definitely not) or Anwar Robinson (it just might be), I'd have been one of however many viewers who dialed the wrong number. You could certainly build a conspiracy theory around Fox's goof. Yet that's ridiculous at its core. If the show wanted to keep certain singers around and ditch others, the names here are all wrong. Jessica Sierra and Mikalah Gordon are probably going to be among the very next singers booted anyway — Gordon almost bit it last week, and Sierra was also in the bottom three (although granted, Sierra was on this week). And even if you put your tinfoil conspiracy hat on and convince yourself that Fox wanted to throw votes to its favorites, note that the three singers whose numbers actually appeared in place of Gordon/Sierra/Robinson's were Anthony Fedorov, Carrie Underwood and Scott Savol. Fedorov is a Clay Aiken lookalike with a great double-punch backstory — born in the Ukraine, he had a tracheotomy as an infant and was told he'd never speak, much less sing. Carrie Underwood is the cleancut farmgirl who was told by Simon Cowell that she is likely to win it all, and to sell more records than other "Idol" winners. Fedorov and Underwood don't need any help. Sure, maybe chubby Scott Savol could use the votes, but come on. It'll be interesting to sit back and watch how the new vote unfolds. I bet Mikalah Gordon will get booted, but would that ouster be forever marked with an asterisks? It'll also be interesting to see how the Nielsen ratings reflect this week's shows. Last week, the performance show of "Idol" beat all other programs, and the results show came in second. With two performance shows and a Thursday results show this week, will "Idol" have the top three Nielsen shows? Because even if you're not a rabid enough fan to want to watch the exact same performances you already saw, you might want to tune in anyway just so you know when to vote. Say one thing for "American Idol," with first Mario Vazquez dropping out and now this, the show always keeps itself in the news. • March 22, 2005 | 10:15 a.m. PT Readers bite back Turns out I wasn't the only one who happened to catch "Spring Break Shark Attack!" (It needs an exclamation point, don't you think?) Here are some of your thoughts: HEY, WHERE’S ASHLEY? “I think the movie was a good reality check for spring breakers. If your friend doesn’t show up the next morning don’t assume they scored and shacked up. Half-a-dozen kids were eaten up early in the movie and no one seemed to worry too much.” --Brad DUMBING DOWN “Yesterday morning, my boss walks in and asks if I watched ‘Spring Break Shark Attack.’ I sheepishly admitted that I did, so he does the same followed by ‘and when it was over, I felt like I was a little dumber than before I watched’.” --Missy MOVIE OFFSPRING “This movie was the child of a marriage between ‘Bikini Beach Party’ and ‘Jaws.’ I remember both very well, but their child never matured.” --Robert GET BACK TO ‘GIGLI’ ”One day TV and movie producers will learn that, in the genre of shark attack movies, there is ‘Jaws’ and there is everything else. I await the day when these producers can tuck their egos in their pockets, realize they are not the next Spielberg, armed with a mechanical Great White shark, and get back to making cinematic masterpieces like ‘Gigli’ and ‘10.5’. –-Barry MOUNT MIAMI “I believe that the Kathy Baker’s assets were the only generous thing about the movie. And those mountains in Florida make that state the ideal year-round vacation spot. Swim with sharks in the summer, snow ski with retirees in the winter!” --Doc MANSQUITO “The cheesiest TV movie in the last two weeks by far was MANSQUITO on the Sci Fi Channel. That was truly awful.” --Rick TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES “Our personal favorite scene was the one in which the marine scientist/nerdy brother is pulling dozens of half eaten giant turtles out of the water...we were trying to figure out if the sharks thought the turtles looked like tasty, bathing-suited teens until they took that first bite...why else would there be so many with just one bite out of them...unless the back halves managed to swim away after the front halves got chomped...those sneaky turtle rears. Or maybe only the front halves taste good...” --Michael JELLO SHOT ATTACK “I believe that in ‘Spring Break Shark Attack” the underwater footage was stolen from my grandmother’s trip to Sea World 5 years ago when she went through the giant glass shark tube. At one point the heroine is fixing the electronic shark repellant thingees and we see these sharks behind her, which are looking to be about 5 feet long or so, pan up to the surface and BAM they are magically about 12-15 feet with huge fins. I would have been more scared if they made ‘Spring Break Radioactive Jello Shot Attack.” --Laura SUPPOSED TO BE CHEESY ”I think you missed the point—it was SUPPOSED to be cheesy—it was listed in TV guide as ‘a spoof on Jaws and classic bikini movies.’ If anything, it wasn’t quite cheesy enough, but I was laughing pretty hard at most of it. I loved how the shark fins were barely moving in the water and about 6 inches apart—Three 20 foot sharks in the area of a bath tub. Awesome. And the heroine goes right in the water at the end with sharks everywhere—no problem. Yes, it was indeed cheesy—I just wish it smelled even more.” --Dwight TALKING SHARKS “It’s like I could hear the sharks talking. They sounded like Homer Simpson and they said, ‘Mmm-coeds.’” --Anonymous • March 21, 2005 | 9:10 a.m. PT Spring Break Shark Attack! If you missed "Spring Break Shark Attack" on CBS last night, I don't really know what to tell you, except maybe you can hope for a rerun. This TV movie was the biggest helping of cheese I have ever seen, and I have watched "Iron Chef America: Battle Cheese," which featured a 100-pound wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano. OK, so I missed the very beginning of the movie, and maybe one bit in the middle, but I got the gist, which was that someone at CBS was sending their kids off on Spring Break this week and they started thinking ... sharks + bikinis + Spring Break + the best TV movie title outside of the New York Post = ratings! Or, maybe not, but how fun is it to say "Do you know my work? I produced 'Spring Break Shark Attack.' " Classic scenes include one where a windsurfer is sucked from about two miles away straight into a shark's mouth. There's another where a guy slides off a pontoon into the fin-filled water and a second later a massive geyser of blood erupts from the ocean. There's another where our three young heroes boat out to try and draw the sharks away from the swimmers and one of the sharks manages to harpoon one of the guys. And another where the sharks somehow start pulling our heroes' boat right towards them and one of the kids actually says "They're reeling us in!" Yes, these are brilliant sharks indeed. The movie also featured a slimy guy who was feeding roofies to the pretty women, as if to say "See, Spring Breakers? Not ALL the sharks are in the water!" And our lead actress wore some kind of ... swimsuit-corset combination that made her already generous breasts look like beach balls, and apparently the only acting direction she received was to keep her arms folded under her chest at all times, to keep her assets prominently displayed. She's lucky, though, her character actually got a name, unlike poor Miss Jessica Knight, listed in the credits merely as "Hot Girl." Never has a movie needed the 'Bots from "Mystery Science Theater" more. Last week's Test Pattern