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I never thought I would actually post TWO journal entried in one day but this one is heavily required....PLEASE, I implore you, PLEASE forgive my language but this is an emergency in the anger levels.


[********! ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********! HOW CAN IT GET ANY ******** WORSE?! HOW?! SON OF A b***h, MOTHER ******** s**t. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! THERE IS NO ******** POINT IN GOING ON! GRRRRR! SURPRIZED?! I BET THE ******** YOU ARE! YOU'RE ENJOYING EVERY ******** MINUTE OF THIS AREN'T YOU, YOU HORNED b*****d! NOT TO MENTION YOU MR. HIGH AND MIGHTY. THE BOTH OF YOU CAN'T ******** WAIT TO SEE ME, CAN YOU?! I DON'T CARE IF I GO UP OR DOWN BUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR ******** FACES YET. IF I WASN'T SO ******** SURE THAT YOU'RE TOYING WITH ME, I WOULD HAVE EMPTIED THESE VEINS YEARS AGO! ******** YOU! I HOPE YOU CAN SEE ME BECAUSE I'M DOING THIS AS HARD AS i ******** CAN!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********! YOU KNEW IT! YOU WANTED IT TO BE THIS WAY, DIDN'T YOU? YOU WANTED IT TO BE DIFFICULT. YOU JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT I COULD DO WITH THIS 'SILVER!' I DON'T WANT IT! IF THIS IS ALL I CAUSE, TAKE IT BACK. I'D ASK YOU TO TAKE MY WAY OF THINKING BUT I KNOW TOO MUCH TO WANT TO LOSE THAT SINCE ITS ALL I ******** HAVE LEFT! NOW TAKE IT BACK! TAKE BACK THIS 'SILVER!' I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T USE IT THE WAY YOU WANTED SO TAKE IT BACK!
I DON'T WANT IT!!

I DON'T WANT IT!!

I don't want it....

please...just take it away...
this isn't a gift. It isn't a favor. Its bringing me to my knees. Please take it back...its not...its in the wrong hands....mis...its so dark...its dragging me under....please...I can't even stand. There's nothing there. THERE'S NOTHING THERE! I've lost it! I understand what it means now...it really does set you free...so completely free that you can't possibly have anything to hold you back but your own shell...so free that you can feel, think, say, do what you want without the worry of punishment or pressure....so free that it doesn't matter whether you're blind, deaf or mute...so free that you have no need for such functions...this freedom is so free...so free that its the anchor that gives your soul license to soar...

so please I don't need it anymore...sever it from me...take my eyes, my voice, my very breath...the only thing I ask to keep are my artificial eyes. They're the only thing that allowed me to see beauty again for the first time since I was little. I can at least respect the small favor mankind offered me before he cast me into shadow...