03-31-05
Dear Falcon,
My parents don't know anything about me. They may think they do though. They think they own me and can make me do anything they want, when they want it. I am just a slave to them. They yell at me to get a job and when weeks go by and I haven't recieved any calls for interviews; They yell at me more for not having a job. I call the companies/businesses where I turned in the applications, to see about their status. When I call though, I get the cold shoulder and a response of "We're only looking at the applications right now and calling individuals up for interviews." Thats their way of saying "I'm sorry but we're not hiring right now." Even though they advertised that they were hiring.
My dad had the nerve to tell my mom tonight that he had called the mission up and that I was scheduled to move out in August because the mission wouldn't have any room until then and that he also told them that I need help physically and psychologically because I "couldn't find a job" on my own. I've tried looking and everyplace that I've applied to hasn't called me for an interview. It's not my fault that no one is hiring right now and those that are, want people who have x-number of years experience plus a degree.
I don't have a degree plus I can't go to college because I don't qualify for financial aid due to my mom making "too much money." If mom makes too much money, why aren't we seeing it? Why is there no food in the house? Why is it, that people say mom makes too much money when they have no proof. If she had too much money we would have food in the house.
I personally live on an emotional roller coaster. I am the blunt of all my familie's jokes that they think are funny. I can only do things because they "allow" it. If I could move out, I would but at this point in time, I can't afford it. I just wish I could die. I've tried commiting suicide. Only a select number of people in my life know this. (and now gaians too). My parents are not one of them. I have depression but hide it well. It takes a lot of effort to hide it, because this family hurts me soo deeply and painfully.
My parents don't know that I'm attracted to females. If they were to find out, they would waste no time into putting me into an insane asylum if not in the hospital for surveilance.
I don't care what they think about me. They can just go to hell for all I care. If they were to die, the world would be a better place and I wouldn't even go to their funeral because of the way they've treated me. When I do finally move out and into a place of my own, I won't tell them where I live nor give them my phone number. I'll cut them out of my life forever. I'm even going to change my name because I don't belong in or with this family.
I just wish that Death would come and get me soon because I don't know how much more of this family I can take. It just gets worse with each passing day.
-- Panther Nightwind
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Panther's Rants and what nots {(R) for Language}
Well, here is where one can see what my family does to me when they really piss me off or send me over the deep end. Yes, sadly enough I'm still alive. Suicide hasn't worked out yet. Maybe the Goddess doesn't want me to die yet.....
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New Kindreds, Gotta hatch 'em all!
New Kindreds, Gotta hatch 'em all!
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Chisa
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