• Prologue

    A sudden gust barreled its way through the throne room. Blown back into her seat, Josephine heaved her way through the counter-current to the window at the opposite end of the room. In vain did she reach for the open window, her child's frame straw in the frenzied blizzard winds. Running, nearly flying, back to her throne, she cried out,

    “René! Where in heavens did you go!? René, close the window! Close the window! René! CLOSE THE BLOODY WINDOW!” René was nowhere in sight. For a moment. Seconds later, a rather gawky Frenchman ran out from the corridor. Unaware of the chaos of the throne room, his piercing scream was heard all around the castle as he was blown and pinned against the wall.

    “Why is the room so full of wind, My Liege?” He yelled loud over the roaring wind.

    “Because you forgot to lock the window last night! You thick troll!”She yelled back irritatedly.

    “We are in alliance with the trolls, My Liege! I would advise you to not be defame them!” He replied humbly.

    Groaning, she yelled back, “Our alliance is irrelevant at this time, GO CLOSE THE BLOODY WINDOW!!”Gasping in sudden realization, he laboriously gathered himself for the trek across the room. Not halfway across the room, Victoria burst in through the door on the far end of the room, ran for a moment, slammed shut the window, and held it closed shakily as she bolted it. The sudden calm broken by a loud “thud”, mother and daughter turned to the center of the room. Having been leaning forward against the wind, its sudden ceasing had knocked René to the ground.

    “Josephine! How dare you speak with such language!”Victoria yelled across the hall. Josephine opened her mouth to argue, but no. Picking his spindly self off the ground, René declared,

    “No, no, madame, do not blame Her Highness for her foul tongue. She was but chastising my unworthy self, my absent-mind.” Frightened by the icy glares he received, he scampered off.

    Victoria approached her daughter, having been fazed by the René-speech forgetting her daughter's use of swears; she concernedly inquired, “You seem rather gloomy. Does the weather make you so miserable?”

    “No. It's . . .My 90th anniversary is coming up, it was just after Christmas. . .”

    “You miss being human?” she asked, taken aback.

    “No, I suppose it's just nostalgia” she said, staring out the far window at the white sheet outside. “I remember Christmas. . .” she trailed off.

    “Yes. . .” minutes passed in silence as the two were trapped in their reverie. Gasping in sudden realization, Josephine exclaimed,

    “I've a wonderful idea, mum!”

    “Yes?”

    “No, no. I want to surprise you! Would you call the court together, mum?”

    “Yes, of course.” An hour later, the entire court was gathered in the throne hall.

    “Today, the 20th of December, I declare that we are to celebrate Christmas this year!” The left half of the group collectively stared at her with dropped jaws, while the right half looked around in complete confusion. After a minute or so of general commotion, one young girl from the right side cautiously raised her hand. Everyone suddenly silenced and turned to face her. Drawing herself in, she stammeringly asked,

    “Your Majesty, I humbly ask, what is Christmas?”

    “Oh yes, I forgot that you Filials don't know of Christ. On December 25th, some humans celebrate the birth of a past savior, Jesus Christ. Do you understand now, Ilena?”

    “Yes, but-”

    “She explained it you ignorant gene-y! Leave it to a gene-y to not listen- ” a man from the left opined

    “Well, excuse me lusty, if Ilena didn't quite understand the lusty-speak!” quipped a man from the right.

    “Are you disrespecting the Queen?!” He turned to face his group “Can you believe the nerve of the gene-ies? Look, now they even disrespect the Queen! What next!?” A raving, ranting argument exploded between the left and right sides of the room. Following the exchange with her eyes, a despaired and distraught Josephine cried out,

    “ENOUGH! AS LONG AS YOU ARE IN MY PRESCENCE, YOU WILL TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT!!”

    “But Your Majesty-”

    “No! You claim Marcus disrespects me; you disrespect me by disregarding my command! Now hush, and go prepare for Christmas! You are dismissed!” The group dispersed, leaving a flushed Josephine alone to ponder the vast array of evergreens available to her.

    Chapter 1

    There was a roaring fire in the fireplace, giving permeating warmth to the whole barroom. The warmth of the cozy tavern was only augmented by the sheer mass of people inside. There was barely enough room to stand; vampires, witches, elves, trolls, were all trying to escape the biting cold of the blizzard still blowing outside. Two vampires sat together at the bar. One, short with a long, black beard was now as rosy as the wine he drank, and the other was tall and slender with shoulder length fawn hair, which contrasted sharply with the amber beer he drank out of a stein as big as his whole head. Laughing heartily, they scanned the room, with an eye for the bosom and thigh. The Mediterranean one slid from his seat and swaggered over to a willow of a woman across the room, knocking into all in his way in his single-minded pursuit. He finally reached his lovely lady, crumpling into the seat across from her.

    “Your bozom s'like fragan rose! I wanna sweep't gains m'face.” He grabbed at her chest, but barely managed to brush away some of her platinum hair. She chuckled.

    “You must be so inebriated, vampire, it is laughable. You are seducing an elf, so-”

    “So? Yur preety. . . . . .”

    “I will save your life and reject your advances.” She stayed though, scooting over to make room for her friend to sit. Turning to the vampire and back to her friend, disgusted, the new elf inquired,

    “Why do you bother with this inebriated,” She glanced at his beard, now dragging on the floor with his stooped posture. “pile of hair.”

    “Drunken responses never cease to amuse me! What harm is there, really? The worst situation is that I walk away and leave him to kill himself with another elf.” Just lifting his head enough to see the second elf, he said,

    “Th'mo preety, th'bttr! Two preety. . . . . .” He attempted to get up to wrap his arms around their shoulders, but he was knocked back into his seat by his blond companion who now stood in his way. “No Feehish! Bot' mine!” The girls chatted urgently between themselves.

    “Ah, Ma'eus, godda shr th'wulth!” giving his friend a slap on the shoulder. The elf girls looked the blond, Felix, up and down, and with a final affirming glance at each other, spoke out,

    “Felix? The previous vampire Prince Consort? After what you did to your mate, whoring about is not the best course of action for you! You should honor her memory! Your reputation needs no further tarnishing.” and the girls walked off.

    “Bu' iz Crissus!” He reached out, and let his hand fall again. Shoving him a little, his companion, Malleus, complained,

    “Yu made preety go 'way. . . . . .” and they resumed their troll for girls.

    Chapter 2

    The church was unassuming, a small, whitewashed building with a wooden cross nailed to the door. Inside was no more ornate. There were ten or so wooden pews, wood floors, and a wood alter raised by a single step. There were ordinary, rectangular glass windows along the walls, now displaying velvety night, quiet and still. The only thing out-of-place was the congregation. They were silver and translucence instead of flesh and cloth. From what could be seen of their former appearances, they dressed simply, in colonial styling, church dress for descendents of Puritans. One ghost woman, right at the front, prayed, despite the growing ire towards the woman next to her. Aside from being a glaring sign of non-uniformity for her solid flesh, she was also being very loud and disruptive. She reached for a cross carved into the pew

    “Ouch!” shrinking her smoking hand back from the holy symbol. “Maybe if I touch it very fast, I won't feel it...” and she tried just that. “Ouch!” indicating that she had failed yet again. Trying to ignore the strange woman, the ghost refocused on the minister, who had just directed the congregants to turn to page 503 and their hymnbook. After barely touching skin to paper the befleshed woman dropped it like a hot potato. Trying again,

    “Ouch!” As she once again found the book untouchable and her fingers burned. Yet she reached again. “Damn it!” she cried upon dropping the holy book again. Everything hushed instantly and all eyes turned in her direction. She ducked imperceptibly fast, avoiding the eyes that searched for the blasphemer. When no offender was found, the Christmas service continued, and the flesh woman, Charity, popped back up. Her neighbor could stand it no longer, and quietly whispered,

    “Excuse me, miss vampire? I should like to know what mean you by disturbing our prayer so!”

    “I celebrate the birth of the Savior, as you.”

    “Lies! You vampires are an abomination before the Lord! Now tell me true! What purpose have you been defiling our congregation?” Charity sighed.

    “I do pray! I try, at least. The dictum from Her Majesty Josephine the Vampire Queen was to celebrate Christmas. Despite my unholiness, the Queen's command is not to be ignored. Thus, I pray.”

    “That is an unfortunate consequence-”

    “Do you believe that if I do not touch anything, if I solely pray with mind and voice, that I would be without pain?”

    “You could attempt it.” slightly miffed that she had been cut off, but feeling for the conflicted vampire.

    “Naught but dull, pounding pain inside my head.” And she sighed.

    “As I attempted to tell you earlier, unfortunately, your obedience and resulting pain are consequence of monarchical rule. I wish you luck in your prayer attempt.” With that, Charity went on with her doomed prayer.

    Chapter 3

    In the Queen's quarters, she, Arthur, Victoria and Jacob lit white and red candles, placing them around the room and the little containers on the massive evergreen that stood in the center of the massive bedchamber.

    “Josephine,” called her brother Arthur “how were you able to bring this tree inside during the blizzard?”

    “Having an alliance with the witches has its small benefits.” She replied through a smirk.

    “You know, I still don't understand this Christmas holiday; Joey's explanation was rather, sparse.” Jacob, now fully grown, put forward while placing a gift beneath the tree.

    “Well,” picked up at Victoria, as she put her gifts under the tree. “There is this human religion, to which we and most of the court used to belong, which venerated a man, Jesus Christ, as its savior. Christmas celebrates his birth, miraculous in itself, as his mother was still virgin-”

    “What is special about that?” Noticing that Josephine was struggling with the higher candles, he picked up the task.

    “No, no, she, it was a virgin conception.”

    “I find that hard to believe.”

    “Yes, but that's the story. He was supposedly the son of God, and it is well-documented that gods of mythology needn't have sex to impregnate a woman.”

    “Human mythology is very illogical... So why the tree and the candles?”

    “I don't know, actually, that's just the way it's always been done.” Having gotten to all the higher candles, he placed a hand on Josephine's shoulder, sliding it down her arm.

    “I always thought that the evergreen tree symbolizes the resurrection.” piped up Josephine as she started to light a candle. Jacob wrapped her hands in his, and she leaned into him, and together they lit the candle“Although now that I think about it, wouldn't it make more sense to have the tree at Easter?”

    “I read somewhere once that the tree at Christmas comes from ancient German traditions...” added Arthur, now sitting in front of a candle looking through a book a book of carols.

    “I'll ask Felix, then.” Suddenly remembering something, she turned and chirped “Oh dear, we need to teach you the carols!” She pulled him over to the piano. The room glowed warmly from the candles as it was filled with the sounds of “Good King Wenceslas” and “Lo How A Rose E'er Blooming.”

    Chapter 4

    Everyone was leaving the throne room. In their buzz about now having to celebrate Christmas, no one noticed poor Jenny having a panic attack.

    “But it's only five days away! How am I supposed to do all the shopping in five days! There aren't even any malls here!” She turned down the hall to her bedchamber. Away from the protection of the loud crowd, she tried to cool down. “Okay Jenny, calm down. Panic will solve nothing, logic. Think logically. Who I need to buy gifts for? Okay, there's Al, Maria, René, Julia; I should probably get something for the Queen and her family; maybe Felix too, he's practically part of the royal family now...” She counted off on her fingers “Al, Maria, René, Julia, the Queen, the Prince, Arthur, Victoria and Felix. Nine. Nine's not so bad; I can do nine. Think, where my going shop?” She entered the room. It was simple, with a small, white-sheeted bed, a mirror, a bookshelf and a table. There were a few items here and there that she salvaged from her home on her last hunting trip into the human's universe: a picture of her family, a Raggedy Ann doll, and two rings: a Claddagh ring and a replica of the Ring of Amara. She picked up the Ring of Amara, studied it. “Why can't we be like Buffy vampires, living in the human world.” She put the ring on, and turned. “Wait a second... Why don't I just go out to the human dimension? Oh God YES!!” She ran to her dresser, pulled out her purse, and her face fell. She had no human money. “Oh well, I don't think it's been a year anyway.” She walked back glumly to the table and sat down to think. “What can I get... Well, Elvish patterns seem to be in right now. Al likes music, maybe I'll get him a troll flute. A witch-made bookshelf for Arthur. Yes. Better get started.”

    She ran out of the castle into the raging storm. Blown back, she braced herself, and began running, stopping every few trees to catch her breath. After a day, she passed the bounds of the storm to the vampire country trade village. She perused the shops, growing more and more distressed; all the stores were dreadfully overpriced! “Too bad there's no Christmas sales! I'll have to go straight to the source.” She ran the short distance to the border with the Elf Lands. It was already the 23rd by the time she found a little bazaar in the far north. She browsed the clothing booths, picking up a lovely elf hair cloak, dress, scarf, purse and tunic, and from a jewel vendor, an elf-opal ring. She searched for four hours until she found a troll vendor. Picking up a blue and yellow flute, carved with pine-cones and oak leaves, for half the asking price, she proudly balanced her three bags, and headed east to the Witch Land. When she noticed high noon the next day, she began panicking again. She had 18 hours to finish shopping and head back to THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CONTINENT! She raced around for a town. When she found one two hours later, she walked into the woodshop and didn't even haggle; she just grabbed the shelf, paid, and ran out, doing the same at the blacksmith to get a sword for Felix. She was almost at the border with the Dragon Country, when she remembered something. She didn't have a tree! So she ran halfway back and another realization hit her. “There are no lights or tinsel here... Oh I just don't have time!”

    By the time she reached the Vampire castle on Christmas Eve, it was one in the morning. “Good, I still have five hours to wrap. WRAPPING PAPER! Where am I going to get wrapping paper?! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!” She ran with her presents to her room. She set them all on her table, paced all over her room, and her friend Maria walked in.

    “Jenny, you're finally back! Where-”

    “Oh God!” She ran in front of the presents to hide them. “Yeah. Man, that was stressful, but I finally got everything. You won't believe the deal I got on the troll flute! It's a Christmas miracle!Half off! But I've nothing to wrap them in...”

    “I got some elf hair cloth last week, would you like some?”

    “Oh yes! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!” She gave her friend a tackle hug.

    Epilogue

    It was seven in the morning on Christmas day, and the throne room was once again packed. Presents were being distributed, friends were meeting, and there was general merriment, except. . . Yet again, a fight was breaking out. Charity had met up with Felix, who was horribly hung over.

    “What in the world were you thinking? This is Christmas? What-”

    “Have a little fun! Though not so much, you need to stop yelling. . .My head hurts. . . What is Christmas for, if not for fun?”

    “You know, my ancestors didn't even celebrate Christmas! They couldn't stand the HEDONISM that you embody! I can't believe anyone would still do this!”

    “Lighten up, Charity-” He yelled in pain, “AHH!! My HEAD!!” while clutching his head with his hand. “I think I'm sobering up. . .” Josephine, again, could not stand the arguing.

    “WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME WE GATHER, THERE IS ARGUMENT?! DID ANYONE HEED ME LAST WEEK?! RESPECT! And now all of you are invited to a Christmas breakfast!” After the mention of breakfast, all tension melted, and they all filed out of the room to the tasty, yet non- nutritious, nostalgia that was food.