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Okay... It's March 30th...
(I think...)
I think I'm going to treat this thing like a diary. So, here I go.
School, Benjamin Russell High School to be exact, was boring today, the same as all week. The week before was my spring break and I was doing my best to avoid everyone that I know and kick back. My Mum (yes MUM) was gone a lot and my brothers were even scarcer. They're skateboarders, just like me, though much better. Eddie is 15. Jonny is 13. They're both lazy bums who exist to make me homicidal...
Some of my best friends at school are Diana, Cookie, and Ashlie. Cookie is a budding doujinshi artist. He is insanely quiet. Really, it's like talking to a carpet square... (Wonder what brought up that simile...) I still have a crush on him, though Diana would say it was insanely burning love. Ashlie is a crazy little strawberry blonde chick that's almost as crazy as me. She really sucks at algebra. Diana is my bestest friend! She is insane (like me), perverted (like me), likes anime, drawing, and writing (like me), and we both have mental boy problems (like me...and her... YAY!!!)
It's kind of crazy how we met. It was my first day at BRHS. I had transferred from another school close to the end of the year. I'd had someone show me around, but by third period, I was lost. Deciding that I would follow the next random stranger till I found a teacher that could help me, I saw a girl and I felt a kind of... pull. I knew she was like me. I don’t know how or why, but I decided that she was a kindred spirit. I followed (not stalked, Diana!) her. It turns out that I didn't have to ask directions because we were in the same class! It was choir and we weren't doing anything.
There were groups of people all around talking. I felt kind of alone and I noticed that she was alone too. I was too shy to go over and talk so I pulled out some paper and began drawing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her drawing too. I knew it wasn't note writing by the way her hand moved. I was drawn, but, as a newbie, couldn't force myself to approach her. In the end, she came over. I'm guessing I was just that pathetically lonely looking. Her very first sentence, "Hey, do you like anime?" or something to that affect, had me hooked. We've been fast friends ever since.
In short, I'm now in the IA3 (International Animation Appreciation Association... AKA: Anime club) along with a bunch of other people like me, a friend of the entire group, and still stuck to my first and best friend.
I LOVE YOU DIANA!
Back to this week though. Feeling hot for Cookie. Stupid Cookie... I remember that I was thrilled the first time that I got him to open up and talk to me. All it took was him missing the bus, three hours, and a few paper airplanes. I was so happy that when I told my Mum all about it, I started spazzing out. Diana thinks I should tell him, but it's not that simple. The short truth of it is... I'm totally enraptured by him whilst he's head over heels in love with a girl named Juanita. I don't think that he even notices me like that. I try so hard to be nice and to hint at my affection. My most painful memory of this whole year involves him. I'll tell you about it.
It was maybe four months ago, winter. In the mornings, it was too cold to stay outside so our whole group (and the rest of the school) trooped inside the lunchroom so that our bits wouldn't freeze off. At the table that we had claimed, it was him, me, and a few other people that I cannot quite recall. I was talking to him and he to me in the most normal way possible, as if he was totally fluent and not rock quiet. I was melting, warm and so ******** happy that I felt like a balloon floating higher and higher...
Suddenly, his face lit up in a way that I knew I couldn't have caused. I felt as if my bubble had been burst and I was falling, spiraling down into some dark abyss. It took less than the time it took for me to turn towards the door and I knew exactly who had walked in. I knew before I saw her, before he smiled at someone other than me, before she sat down, totally oblivious to my heartbreak. Juanita. When I saw her, I literally felt my heart stop and my chest hurt so bad that I couldn't breathe.
I had to get out of there. I ran out of the lunchroom with tears streaming down my face, but he didn't notice. His softly slanting brown eyes that I was in love with, were too full of her to
See me or my pitiful retreat.
Don’t get me wrong, Juanita is a good person and she's really nice too. She never went out of her way to attract his attention. She just does it naturally. She doesn't even like him like that. It’s like this: Rufus ->me ->Cookie ->Juan-chan ->Yoki...
I'm so sad and pitiful. You see why I can’t tell him. Sure we're friends, but I'm not the one he wants.
As for the rest of the week, I was tired and it was boring.
Bye-bye for now!
 Zamos The Red · Sat Mar 31, 2007 @ 06:42am · 4 Comments |
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