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I had a pretty good Spring Break this week. It was... all laziness. Pure, pure laziness. xD; I played some video games and finished two of them. Shadow of the Colossus and Kingdom Hearts to be exact. Now I'm on Kingdom Hearts II and I'm also reminding myself that I need to hurry up and finish Zelda: Majora's Mask and Zelda: Twilight Princess. Twilight IS SUCH AN INCREDIBLE GAME! Oooo, man is it good! But now I'm stuck! Le sigh. I must pick the controller back up and figure out what it is that I must do next. With Majora's Mask... I think it's just the fact that I totally forgot. XD
I've been drawing a little, too. I drew a new picture that turned out very well. It's simple, but I really thing that's it's very pretty! I can't wait until I can get my pics up. ;.; I created a DeviantArt account, but alas, I have no art to put up. /: I really need to get either a scanner or a digital camera so I can get everything up.
I also dearly, DEARLY miss PhotoShop. I just... I reallllyyyy want it back. xd crying I have PhotoShop 3.0, but all that that does is fix the contrast, sharpen, and then you can remove red eye from pictures and crop. Nothing much, so it's pretty much useless to me. D: But that's why it's free, of course! =D
I am quite ticked off with my aunt. I'm trying very hard not to hate her and it's proving to be a trial. She's... just... I see my cousin in pain and it's so hard not to hate the person who is doing this to her. I really want to go and kick my aunt's a** until it falls off. D:<
And so I have to wonder how it must have been for my eldest sibling. Before my mom had me my mom would just go out dating and tell Cindy to take care of everyone.... And then one day she got pregnant and had me. I mean, really... am I even supposed to exist?
I don't know. But right now I feel kind of like a... I dunno. It hurts to say because of my mother, but I feel like a whore baby. I'm not supposed to be here. |:
I also feel bad because I was reminded of the time of when my father tried to take me away, and then that made me think of the time that my sister was talking to me and said that she was glad that I turned out alright. Cheh, yeah right. I wonder if I'll ever tell my family that I hurt myself? I dunno. I would like to, but I don't know if I'll ever the strength to. I'd be too ashamed. D,: I'm the pampered one and I have to wonder if I'm the one who's the most screwed up out of all of us. We've all had trials, like lack of self-confidence and my brothers dealt with drugs. That's all done and gone now with most of us, and it makes me happy to see my siblings happy. My brother Rob is sort of a heart stabber, though. He knows that no one likes his girlfriend and yet he's trying to get everyone to like her. He's manipulating me and I know this for a fact. I act silly and humorous offline to people that I know, so my brother thinks that I'm young and stupid. What an idiot. (:
While reading the Bible I can't be sure what book in it that I like the best. Maybe Romans, but I'm not sure. All of the books are very good and speak to the heart. It's strange... every time I'm troubled and I open it up and start reading there always seems to be an answer. I'm not trying to act like a saint or anything. I never want to act that way. People often think that we Christians are full of ourselves because we're always trying to save people and spread the gospel. Yeah, it is true, there are some people who say that they're Christian but go off and have the biggest ego's ever. But that's not what being a Christian is about. Right now I just want to talk about it because I want to talk about it. I'm not trying to smoother my ideas into anyone's head. I just share my thoughts about my belief and my belief itself. I don't want to force it. If you want to become a believer too, okay. If you don't, I'm not going to come knocking at the door and start smacking a Bible on your head. That's not the way things should be. So why do people have to take examples of some person that they see that acts wrong, are a Christian, and then have to go off and label every single Christian on this earth as self-righteous pompous asses? I don't say any of this in anger, it's more like sadness. I don't like it when people misjudge others. I don't like it when I think that way. When I do, I clear my mind and ignore how a person looks or where they come from and give them a clean slate. They write on it themselves and what they write decides how I'm going to think about them. I wish people could do that for me. I'm wondering when my biggest trial in life is going to begin. Every Christian gets persecuted for their belief. I don't want it to be someone that I love and care about, but it could very well be. When my bible teacher became a Christian his family was furious. They are all atheists and when he became a Christian they even turned against him. When his friend came to pick him up to go to church his father came out and started screaming at my bible teacher's friend for trying to take his son to church. I don't want it to happen like that to me, but I know that someday, maybe soon, it will. It'll hurt so bad. That's an immature way of putting it, but it is true.
So y'know, I am happy for the happy times that I have now. I am going to move again, I feel worthless, and I want to, for some reason, make myself sad. But I am still happy for everything that I have. Like my sweet little dog, Flo. And my two offline friends. It's not a big number, but that's okay, I don't mind. And I've got you guys, too. I was just studying my bible test and somehow ended up writing all over the paper and eventually your names ended up on there.
Doom
Rose
Isarde
Alika
Dark
Boyue
Miyu
Knightraven
Black
Shidobu
Rici
Kuro
Josh
ShoveIt
See? I've got a list of people. I saw it and saw how long the list was, and it made me happy. I don't know you guys offline, but y'know, I'm really to happy to know each and every single one of you. Sometimes I just want stuff, like a new video game, a new system, money... nobody's perfect. So when I realize that I'm starting to get greedy I have to stop and think. And let me say... I'm at my happiest when I'm with my friends.
Proverbs 10:13:
Hatred stirs up dissension,
but love covers over all wrongs.
 MythicalYoko · Wed Mar 28, 2007 @ 01:02am · 3 Comments |
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