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Confused. There is no other way to put it. I just can't get things together... I can't think straight and I just feel like crap. I feel... inferior. I mean I have no special talents, and I'm not fishing for complements. My Friend April has a very good drawing hand, I'm always second compared to her. I am not so good at drama, like Danaru and Char-chan. Day-Chan and Kohaku have so much Charisma that they have all the friends they want, they can do anything. I have... nothing... I just exist. I can't cry... I just can't, I can't sleep... and I hate myself. I have so much self-pity and angst, yet many people are far worse off. Like both Danaru and Char- chan's dad's are over protective christen freaks... they have them brain washed so I never get to see them. Day-Chan and Kohaku are left with parents who don't give a s**t. I should be thankful, yet I take and take. I have wonderful friends, Especially Apuru... I would never get through these past years with out her. I hate it, how I just… complain. All I day dream about is dying, being shot, stabbed, torn apart, Anything, just not to look back on how stupid, selfish, and what a bad person I am. I have no physical features that are stunning. I can't sing, I'm not a good dancer. In short I feel like crap, pathetic, worthless... I feel alone. If I don't write I feel as if I’m going to explode... what else should I do?
I want to drowned out the world, I don't know what to do with my life... I'm completely stuck, and I don't have a jack. I... I just hate all.
And what if my parents found out... oh god. What a great thing their daughter, The Psychotic depressed freak. What would I do then; I couldn't even imagine what they would say... I hope they never know.
I go to school and am happy, but by the end of the day I just want to go home and be alone. I'll sit on my bed for hours, just thinking. I hit myself, that whole day I could have said that, or helped that person, or did something. But I'm just stupid ol' me... and I can't... go on. I can't ever speak clearly, I can't ever think of anything on my own. I'm the "dumb one"....
What the ******** is wrong with me.
 darkwingedslayer · Thu Feb 24, 2005 @ 04:38am · 0 Comments |
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