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Finally ,i can see the sun again, atleast for now. It was Andy's (one of my best friend's) 16th birthday...party today biggrin It was a Murder Mystery themed party, and my role was.....*drum roll* Sally Major (S&M for short) The Sadistic Nurse. One of the things i had to do...was basicaly hit on Michelle, because her character, Phil, hired me to work as the head nurse at his hotel because he liked...the way i treated my patients with... lmfao basically kinky sex. So, there were whip marks and bruises from handcuffs on the victem's body in the autopsy report because i was having an affair with him, treating him for back pain. It made Michelle pretty uncomfterble X_X but i was just doing what the paper told me.
Bah, thats something that really bugs me about Michelle, she hates it when i get all perverted...but she never had come out and told me that. i only know because of the way she acts and because Alyssa told me.
i had a Rockstar before the party, and a Vault during. So i was/am pretty hyper. I actually had a lot of fun today ,which is really good after being sad for what feels like a long time...even though its been less than a week.
Beh, tomorrow i have to make a total idiot of myself on film for a project.
I am happy i think, because i haven't had time to think about things. And...i wasn't getting totaly ignored at the party. So, i feel like that bullet hole in my heart is patched for a while and i feel almost whole again for a while. Eventually,m that will leak out and i will feel empty and alone again....so for now i am going to enjoy that swelling feeling of joy in my chest. I took a lot of time to draw Andy's card, and i wrote a lot in it. i always do. Its a lot more personal and special than a store bought card, or one that just says 'happy birthday love sarah' i told her how lucky i feel to have her as such a close friend and how she always makes me happier when i am with her, no matter how depressed and down i feel. i told her never to change the goofball she is and to keep shining. Always and forever Sarah.
i dunno, i just know something like that would mean a lot more to me than just 'Happy birthday' Treat others as you want to be treated.
Seriously, i feel so stupid and shallow when i think about it....Andy just might be my best friend, the closest out of all of the people in my small circle of friends....and when Michelle first introduced me to her in 4th grade....i didn't want to have a thing to do with her. Then a few weeks later, i really started to like her. Now she may be the friend i love the most, just because she is my sunshine. I can't ever stay so sad around her. She always can make me smile and lift my mood a little, if not a lot. And i mean we are close.
Over the summer, i got really confused after some things happened....and i basically had a crush on her X_X and it was driving me crazy. And...i told her. but like right after i told her, she had to get offline (i was talking to her on Yahoo Messanger) So my nerves were shot and i just broke down crying because i was so scared that she would get all weird on me and not want to be around me anymore. But when she got back on later, she told me she was flattered that i felt that much for her, but she didn't feel anything like that back for me (i mean as far as liking me in a more than friend way). and nothing has changed between us. we still act like total whores around eachother, she punches me in the boob (D: which hurts) and we slap eachother's asses and she will sit in my lap and i will hug her. She doesn't act all weird around me or anything. I love her so much, like a second sister. If anything were to happen to her i don't know what i would do. i lover her so much...she is a peice of my heart, my soul....She is part of who i am.
...I would hurt so un-imaginably bad if i lost her. If she had to move away, i would cry. If she died.....i would want to die too. (i am not saying that i would but i would want to so badly) She is just such a bright lanturn in my life, my world would be so much darker without her. I can't even guess how long i would cry. A long time i know....but i dunno how too long. i want the best for her and if anyone were to ******** with her i would kick their a** without a second thought. I would do whatever i had to do to protect her.
hmm....I need Andy. I would be so lost without her now. If she were to be gone from my life forever, i would feel like i would never ever see the light again. I have special feelings for her, and they are so strong. i love her so much. She is so important to me i can't even put it in words.
confused right now i am gettign a feeling like someone has died...but i don't know of anyone who has died....its weird...
X_X ok, i am done ranting, i have to go to the bathroom...I drank too much at the party....
 HatsuharuRocks · Sun Nov 05, 2006 @ 05:24am · 1 Comments |
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