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Yeah.. well... MAy has been in an interesting mood these last few days... and it keeps coming back..... *Sighs* Got the most sleep I've had in a week last night... a whole 4 hours... bringing my total up to 7. *sighs*
Depression no longer is just a feeling... its more like a state of being for me..... I dont know... soemthing has just been getting me down... over and over again... and I'm getting better at hiding it when I'm talking to people.... which some say isnt a good thing....
Sickness is in the neighborhood too... but thats my fault...for example... I just realized the window was open and its 12 out..... *sighs*.... lack of sleep and the coldness is playing with my system..... *Sighs and shrugs* no big deal... I'll get it over it eventually.... eventually my hands will get some feeling back too....
In May's Stereo: KLB (portuguese singing group)
Anyways..... feeling this way has put me in an interesting writing mood.... so... I post what I have been working on for the last few days... I might even keep typing and finish it... or keep working on it... anyways... enjoy....
Piercing dark eyes half glared, half marveled up at the starry night above them. The night that was supposed to be dark, blizzardy, and yet, contrary to all belief, here she was at midnight staring up in the cloudless sky in a small puddle of water at the end of her driveway. She sighed softly, the fifteen year old rebel brushing her black locks out her eyes and grinning at the young boy that approached her. ?Hey Ric,? she grinned, smirking at the year older boy.
The young boy approached her smiling back, not believing that he was standing alone next to the girl of his dreams. ?Hey Al? he replied, casting a glance over at her almost dark house and then to his own. No one seemed to notice they were outside, so he continued, still keeping his voice down as he spoke. ?So what?s the plan??
She grinned evilly and winked at him knowingly. ?It?ll have to wait,? she whispered, leaning over slightly, her darkened lips gently brushing his cheek as she spoke. ?It?s not snowing tonight like you said, so it will wait?? She took a step back and turned on her black small heels and started walking away, the fringe on her long skirt swaying around her legs as she started walking up the street.
He shivered slightly, but from her touch, the dangerous sound in her voice, or the way she walked away from him, he knew not. ?Where you going Al?? he said, watching her with a bit of lust in his eyes. His blonde hair laced over his eyes, but she knew still he what he was watching.
Without turning back, she waved, saying, ?Going out. Gotta meet someone a couple blocks up, so I?ll catch you later, okay??
She flinched hearing his footsteps run up to her, insistent on coming with her. She turned and put a single hand on his chest, her dark eyes piercing into his light ones. ?Please,? she said softly. ?I have to go alone, okay? I?ll be back in like an hour or two.?
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a tight and worried hug, much to her dismay. It was after midnight, and from the way she was headed, she was bound to meet some dangerous people, and he hated the idea of someone using her. She wasn?t exactly dressed to be discrete about her growing figure either. ?Al?? he sighed, knowing it was hopeless. He had grown up with her after all.
She pushed him away from her and with one glare he knew to back off or she?d hate him for life. She spun on her heel and walked away without another word. She disappeared around the corner, and he into his own house to watch the street from his window, waiting for her eminent return.
~~~~~~~~~~
?Where?s my baby!!? a woman?s voice screamed into the phone. Alicia?s mother was in tears by now, waking up late in the morning, only to find that her baby girl was missing from her bed. ?You go find my baby girl!!? Samantha slammed the phone into her ex-husband?s ear roughly, knocking it off the line again. She paid no attention to it though as she scooped up her keys and ran out to her car barefoot and still in her pajamas before throwing the car into gear and backing out into the foot high snow.
By now, there were footprints every which direction from the children around the street going out to enjoy the snow that had fallen early that morning. She sped around the corners, searching desperately down each of the streets, praying her daughter was there somewhere. Peering into neighbor?s yards, stopping at the convenience stores, anywhere in hopes that she could catch a glance of Alicia?s milky black hair.
After a couple hours of searching, she ran into the mini market at the corner to fill her tank, grab a coffee and interrogate the worker there. Thrusting a few bills into the young man?s hand, she studied his face. Tired, so he must have been there for the night. ?Do you know Ali??she broke and corrected herself. Her daughter went mostly by nickname after all. ?Al? Do you know Al??
The clerk smiled and nodded. ?Yeah, I know her. She drops by sometimes just to give me some company before she goes to school. Sometimes she stops with Eric, too. You her mum??
She breathed a small sigh of relief and looked him pointedly in the eyes. ?Have you seen her since last night??
The clerk again nodded. ?Yeah, she stopped by late last night. It was dead here so must have been like one or something. Why??
?At one? what was she doing out so late??
?Duhno really. I asked her the same thing and she just shrugged. Said that you didn?t care that she was out that late, so I didn?t think too much of it. She must have left like at 1:30 or something.?
?She didn?t mention in passing at all where she was going??
?Nope. She headed up town though I think. Why, Mrs. Johnson??
Samantha?s face fell as she turned around and headed out to her car. ?If you see her, tell her to come home??
~~~~~~~~~~
Another hour passed and Samantha found herself sitting on her front step, hands clasped in front of her, her face caught up in deep thought and silent prayer. A blood red car stopped in front of the house and out stepped her ex-husband, his new fianc鬠and his soon to be step-son. Hurried steps around the car echoed in Samantha?s empty ears as George raced up to meet her.
?Is she here, Sam?? George called, worried filling his chilled voice as he approached her with a quickened step. He received no answer, but with a quick glance at the look Samantha was modeling, she might not have heard him at all. He walked up to her and knelt in the snow on the step before her, placing his hands on her shoulders in hopes to bring her back to reality. A disapproving grunt from his fianc頣ould be heard, but he ignored it. ?She?s not at my place, Sam. Has she turned up here yet??
She blinked twice and sighed, shaking her head as she covers her face with her hands, trying to regain composure in front of competition. ?N-no George,? she said, her voice barely above a whisper, already cracking and laced with tears. ?I?ve been everywhere I could think of, and she?s not there. Where?s my baby girl??
Without even thinking, George pulled his ex-wife into a tight embrace and tried to calm her down a little, let her know that even though they were divorced, that he was still Alicia?s father first. ?We should keep looking, okay? Keep an eye out for her, but I?m sure she?ll be home soon, Sam.? He hugged her tighter, worried himself, but feeling confident that what he is saying is the absolute truth. His fifteen-year-old daughter was a fighter, tougher than himself even. She was independent, proud and strong. ?She?ll be home at latest in a few days??
Eric had been watching the scene unfold from his bedroom window atop the second story, practically disgusted by their sudden interest in the whereabouts of their daughter. ?Hypocrites,? he hissed and pulled his blinds shut, barring them from his vision as he swelled in anger.
He was with her the night she completely changed her entire look. She came over after dropping her backpack at her house and running next door to his, clutching her entire savings, as well as a good $100 she had swiped from her mom, bringing her total to around $150. He had picked up his own and left with her, walking to the small strip mall with her, picking out an entire different wardrobe for her, dark, dank, and lacy still. She stopped at the mini market too on the way home, grabbing dark makeup, and the black hair dye. In that one night she had gone from sad, torn little girl into a dark exotic enchantress. She heard it for that change too, but they had hidden her other clothes away, so nothing could be done. She seemed able to hold her face better in front of her family after that, broke when she was alone, still though.
She had come to his house many times, knocking on his door late in the night, even after her appearance change, clutching a pillow and her single teddy bear, often sprouting a bruise or tear stains. His window was right across from hers, allowing him to see her when she came in from school, throwing her bag down next to the door, and herself on the bed before screaming into the pillow. He knew how many nights she had fallen asleep crying just like that, face down and drowning in a pitiful world of hatred and sorrow. He felt her pain each time too, and just longed to reach out and take it from her, or deliver some vengeance against those who hurt her like this.
From his little vantage point, he had watched as she lost reason in herself, fell to self-hatred and believed some of what was told from her. He had watched as she got hurt, beaten, bruised, burned, cut, torn, broken without flinching, without batting an eye. He watched as countless times she slept with blood slipping from fresh wounds on her arms and legs, both in her own room and in his, just to try and numb the pain that coursed through her. Pain brought on by those that supposedly loved her, those that acted like they did in front of others just to save face. He had tried to help, but merely succeeded in making her angry with him, simply because she couldn?t accept herself.
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*will continues and edit later*
*runs off to go work on her homework if she can see through her tears*
Edit: 10:43MST - .... yeah... bad feeling just got a whole lot worse.....*Curls up in the corner, her head on her knees* anti-social... cause I got swamped with homework.... *sobs* thanks for the label people downstairs..... *whimpers and curls up tighter, listening to them laughing*..... I dont fit in.... no matter how hard I try......
 Marion-san · Fri Jan 07, 2005 @ 12:12am · 3 Comments |
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