Dear reader,
Sometimes in my alcohol soaked daydreams I think of myself as a darling of the silver screen. One scenario as the girl next door which guys would lay down their hearts and souls for in an idea to save the fallen angel which is doomed already in a blaze of sadness. The second as the leather-clad non-damsel in distress neé vampire slayer that is not a rescue.
Even something as superficial as a reality tv person, showing their pearly whites along with a cliche tagline. Sometimes I wonder what my dating show tag mark would be. Heart breaker? no. Maneater? no. Side Chick? no. hopeless romantic? maybe. Easily bored? more likely. I play a charade in love. I think I know exactly how to act but then flip hot and cold back and forth and quick to fall out of the beautiful tempered glass I have created.
I heard today a man disgribing love as a lightnig bolt tht once he saw his future wife's face, it hit him and he knew his number was up. I hope I get to experience a love like that. And maybe then I could stop daydreaming of being the girl in everyman's dream and going to someone's dream girl.
I'm tired of the comparison. At least when you read books of great loves you knew in part it was fiction. In the age of a quick upload and a filter over the reality, these fairy tales haunt me in my waking life. Deeming the reality, however good it may be, as a difficult picture to match. All in the name of comparison.
Wish me luck out there, in the pursuit of whatever makes the heart and soul sing.
Dysphoriic Community Member 
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