My life is deepressing. During kindergarden-6th grade I had no friends. I dont know why, but they just hated me. My life is like Narutos most of the time.
Some nights I wish I could just go outside and walk in the soothing moonlight listening to Inuyasha music, but I have fear that someone will steal me. I do not fear much of death, I fear rape.
Now I am in 8th grade with many friends who have the same problem as me. My first "Freind" turned out to be just useing me. She never did like me, she only humilliated me more. That time I dident know what she was doing. Untill I was left alone for 4 more years. I dispised her. Now I only talk to her some during 2nd period at school. How can I not talk to her? she sits right next to me, so there isent rally a way not to notice her, considering Im not much of an ignorer.
There is 6 days left of school. Im sort of scared to be entering high school so fast. my mind is still trying to hold in everything that was cramed into it during the time I was here. I have a D- in math and if my parents find out they might hurt me. At least its not an F. It used to be, but I moved it up.
Gaia here hasent been the best for me ither. people ******** you off if you say one thing wrong. people reading this right now might yell at me saying that im stupied or something. Here at my house im the second youngest, almost the tallest, and im treated like the dummy. about a month ago my older sister got a boyfriend. The first thing I told her was to keep her pants on and she said that she wasent expecting to hear that from me cuse im the stupied one in the house. she worded that diffrent than what I wrote, though. But I feel like im still being used by people.
Lately i've been feeling restless. My dogs are keeping me company. but my youngest dog is getting into more and more trouble. some times I wish I could just take my border colie mix and go into my fantisy world of green hills and Live there by myself with her and no problems. But that will never happen.
Im haveing boyfriend trobles too. just today I was used by him as bait. He wanted me to get my friend over to me so he could beat him up. I didnt like the idea but I had no choice. The plan didnt work. I dont know what really happend after that but my boyfriend wasent there durning 6th period, mabye something happened.
I've seen and herd paranormal things. just last night I herd something weird and I kept asking everyone "Whats that noise?" everyone looked at me like I was insaine. The noise sounded like it was talking to me and only me. I couldent make out any words but I knew it was talking. It dident sound human ither. It stopped when my older sister closed her door. at least 5 times a day I get day-sha-voo. it drives me up a gawd damn wall though.
I'll write more later my dad is kicking me off the computer to yell at me.
crying
 Mari Kyomo · Fri May 19, 2006 @ 12:49am · 3 Comments |
