3-24
So far, nothing. But damn my ear hurts! I ripped the opening of my piercing. Ow.....very annoying.
Dammit. I deleted everything i added. This is what i'm talking bout! Well you dont know cuz i deleted it....
So ******** exasperating how nothing goes right. Nothings mine. I don't have a choice in anything. The choices i do make, i regret. ******** it all!
******** blooming slave trade in europe should take me. I can at least handle that s**t being shoved down my throat. But this? No. I'm sick of school, religion, sexuality, where i'll live, pretty much my whole life being ripped from me, made, then shoved down my throat however someone else wishes.
Ok the whole idea of calming down isn't working. Still pissed at shea for drawing in my sketchbook. Still trying to crush those angry little thoughts. Monster at heart i guess.....
Ugh. Well enough writting. Sorry i deleted it. Was nearly done to. Oh well. Going to pray to whatever willing to listen that our trip isn't a living hell. Or for once that my mother is a pleasant, non bitchy, controlling, hippocritical, 'forgetful', demanding, bipolar pain in the a**. That'd be a refreshing change.
P.S. The other day i got her to admit it. She, like noah, not only doesn't appreciate all the s**t i do for them, but doesn't even acknowledge that i do anything. 'cording to noah it never happened, 'cording to mum it neither never happened or it was expected as being part of the family. They dare to b***h to me about their problems all day long. I'm not some lady in waiting to adhere to your beck and call, and to listen to your pleas with my head bowed! I do it anyways....but only cuz....well. Cuz i won't bother challenging them anymore. Noah thinks my life is perfect and my problems are insignificant and mum just yells at me for bitching and wasting her time. Chore after chore after chore all day. I'm probably gonna get in trouble tomorrow for not cleaning the kids room and just playing starcraft all day. 5hrs of playing on starcraft is going to justify anything she wants for days and the days past. Should've thought of that before i avoided her a**.
Being an introvert is seriously hampering my sleep....tearing all this s**t to pieces won't change a thing. Just keeps me from talking to myself. And makes sure i log into gaia. Havn't been doing that a lot. As much as i miss everyone, i can't bring myself to talk to them. If they talk to me, i can respond. But i can't initiate. I'll try, but then delete it all and close it out.
Ugh. My damn dream keeps popping up. Been pestering me all day. For once it wasn't scary or ********. Just....creepy. A painful, creepy dream.
Positive thoughts. Any positive thoughts. Nope. Terrific. Try again tomorrow....eventually something positive will end up in these accursed entries.
 BSPBleach · Sun Mar 25, 2012 @ 07:21am · 0 Comments |
