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(now these are all direct quotes of what I wrote, so it might suck. terribly.)
It's a pain having to write my journal entry down as written, family could find it and I type at least 3x as fast as I write. And when I type, you can actually read it!! Looks like I'm writing cursive oddly enough. But I'm not. It's slanted, rushed, hectic, medival and elvish twisted print 'Ok? Good. Now I can write. And hope I can read this later. Normally I can. Meh, its an iffy thing.
So eh.....Right. Role-Play. Well I'll skip the odd start, and dive strait into the begining, how 'bout it? I'm talking to myself. Terrific. Anyways, so my days are all generally the same. I wake up, normally to my mother yelling at me, I get on my computer for an hour or so, I go to the bathroom and all that, I go upstairs and get a drink of water. And normally a piece of chocolate. If mum is cooking or did cook, somethings out or something already, or I don't eat breakfast. Just can't be bothered really. Come back downstairs, get back on my pc, until my older brother and sister come home. Then I spend the rest of the day switching between the computer, chores, cleaning and babysitting until 10-ish. Somewhere in that time, mother makes dinner, or again I don't eat. Yeah I'm really bad about eating by myself. Anyway, I stay on the pc until 2am.
Every day is like this. So I role-play every second. I imagine myself someplace else, anywhere else. Weither its something I read or watched, or something read. I apply situations or stories to myself. My way of living through my mind since I can't in this world.
And of course my thought line brings us to Guardians of the sort. I begin thinking that maybe Guardians and other people like who do charities and stuff, that do it purely because the ywant to, because the ywant to help, is because their own lives are filled with pain, anger, grief, who knows what else. And maybe because of that cage, they cant be free of, they seek out other people in cages, knowing that they can be freed from the the outside. Maybe freeing others makes them feel better, if only for a moment. If only for a moment of blissful respite, like a glance outside the prison of their minds, reminding them why they live, why they try so hard to live and move on through their entrapment. For some, that momentary glimpse is what keeps them alive, maybe those around them as well. Keeps them under control.
And oddly, I begin to think on Naruto. A couple of releases ago, he really showed the fox whos boss. He talked about not destroying the hate, but that he'd 'take it on' for everyone and cure them of the world of their hate by taking for them. Made me think of what I want. I know I can't get rid of hate, but like Naruto, I would like to take it from other people and carry it for them so that they may live free of their cages. One life for many eh?
 BSPBleach · Fri Jun 03, 2011 @ 06:50am · 0 Comments |
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