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They ruin every it everytime.. |
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I was in a good mood today, i felt warm and fuzzy, going to get my diploma.
I felt really happy.
In my mind I could have done anything. I'm going to college, I could learn Spanish, I could write the next great American novel, paint a master piece, save the world. You know, all the epic things one things when one feels like they can do anything.
All my hard work was, and I know it's just a piece of paper, for something. I know I graduated almost two months ago, but it feels more official.
All those sleepless nights of studying, going from someone who felt dumb to getting the best scores in AP classes, getting through all the drama, all the nay-sayers the disbelievers, reading, writing, laughing and joking. The pain everyone has caused me, the nights of silent crying, that I made it through.
High School for me wasn't just for college, it was important in itself.
I got my diploma, I went to the college to work on financial aid, but I couldn't do anything today and then I went home.
I talked to Charity, even Charity was doing well.
I mean, it's a good day when you AND your friend's day goes exceedingly well.
Well, of course Ashely couldn't have that. The first thing that she wants to talk about is the litter box that I was just about to clean when I was done talking with Charity. I clean it EVERY day, why wouldn't I clean it? And that went on and on until she was ridiculing me about worrying about important things.
"what? you and your 'future'" as opposed to my "make-up, lip gloss, hair, and her boobs."
All she ever focuses on is herself. And not even in a good way, she's so shallow. I thought I taught her better than that.
I keep telling myself that she's just whatever because she's scared about things changing. rolleyes
And my mom has an attitude just as bad as her. And "education" is not important. Her life has gone "so, well. I'm happy, at peace and I didn't make it pass the ninth grade."
Jaaaaaaa, high every day, homeless with friends that would stab you in the back for a buck fifty. Happy, I see it. Totally zen.
And every time she goes on about how schooling is useless, teachers don't do anything, it doesn't matter, it feels like she's....just putting me down. "Oh, hours studying, sleepless nights, for education? Ridiculous, you should be straighten your hair."
I'm tired of both of them saying that too. What's wrong with being happy with your natural looks? I'm not going to change myself to appease them.
My grandma is only slightly better.
The worse thing is I'm going to have to swallow it all and of course, help them out.
Sometimes it feels like the only ones that understand me are my cats. Pathetic, I know. They don't judge WHY I do something, they don't think I should do this or that, all they need me to do is feed them and clean their litter boxes. They really don't understand anything, so they understand everything.
All, I know is that today was suppose to be a happy day, and it was until I came back home.
 Desi the fuzzy fluffhead · Fri Aug 06, 2010 @ 01:57am · 2 Comments |
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