When did I begin to face hardships? Surely not from the beginning. Or...yes...it was from the start?
I hadn't noticed my misery because I thought of you. My mind was filled with you alone. You were my strength. My source of power. My comfort. Shelter. Closest friend...always there for me.
What am I saying? Not were but, rather, are.
What made me stop thinking of you? Was it because we lost touch? Was it me who ended our relationship?
No, you still watched over me. Even when I pushed you away. Cursed at you. Neglected you.
I began to slip. I felt ignored by everyone surrounding me. Yet I knew if I had kept you close, I wouldn't have felt that way.
No one could see me in pain behind that foolish smile I wore. Yet you know, don't you? You know me best.
I cried myself to sleep. You secretly wiped away my tears.
I was suffering deeply. My world felt like it was breaking, piece by piece. Slowly and painfully.
I cried in public and I hate myself for that. Am I labeled weak by others? Strange?
But you called me strong. You called me unique and talented when I am not. Is this how I think of myself? I can't tell if this way of thinking is just a phase. Am I just emotionally unstable?
You would have told me, "No." I would reply, "Yes," and begin to cry again.
You would then comfort me, wiping my tears away with your gentle and caring hands.
Those times are over, right? I can't be loved like that again, right?
I'm sorry, truly. For everything: my mistakes, my actions, my speech.
I was wrong. All wrong. I took you for granted. I treated you poorly.
I am very, very sorry.
x-SincerelyAtlas · Wed Jun 09, 2010 @ 10:30pm · 0 Comments |