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i give up...everytime i feel happy it just goes down hill immediately...i dont know who to trust with my heart anymore...i love him so much but...we cant be together at the moment...i've felt this way countless of times...yet i never learn...i should just accept that i am destined to be alone...would anyone even miss me if i disappeared without a trace? i doubt it...my heart feels so much pain at the moment...i love him so much that it hurts now...i cant be with him...i'm up to the point where i'm willing to do anything for him...but...i dont know...for now i will try to be positive but it's going to be hard...i will put on a fake smile, a fake image of happiness...like i've always have...my best friend tells me that i'm so tough...yeah right...everytime she says this i just smile...but inside i cry out...i am alone...so very alone...