-month 10-
That is what I call it now. My illness. It strikes without warning, completely incapacitating me. When my melancholy overtakes me, I can do nothing but sit in my room alone, crying silently.
I fear it is even afflicting me with delirium. I dream constantly of approaching Edward...of casting away my pride and pouring out my anger and hurt...and finding out it was all a misunderstanding. But then Jacob would appear, and I would wake, my heart torn.
This civil war is already half-won...but after that, what then? Will I ever resolve this war inside me? Will everyone be at peace but me?
I feel such a traitor. How can I marry Jacob when my loyalties are forever divided between him and his worst enemy?
Oh, my heart hurts. I feel like a child. Every part of me is screaming, Make it go away! Just make it go away. So many times I think I've escaped this nightmare to find I've only fallen in deeper. I cannot bear missing the two of them at once. I just can't.
 LadyAlisyn · Wed Aug 05, 2009 @ 11:22pm · 0 Comments |
