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It was a small masque to send off our eldest daughter. Victoria, aged ten, was going off to my parents' court, the prestigious court of Phoenicia.
Victoria and Edward had not been on the best of terms lately, and I believe the poor girl was jealous of her younger sister Morgan (whom I affectionately called Momo). But it seemed that this day, all would be well.
Until I sat down after one of the Queen's dances to find them arguing heatedly. Finally, little Victoria cried,
"Well, fine! I know you don't love me! I'll go off to Phoenicia and I'll never come back!"
They were so alike, father and daughter. The same easily hurt feelings. The same temper to cover up that hurt. The same unwillingness to accept an apology.
It was a disastrous combination. Victoria flew away to sulk in her room, and neither of us saw her again. She left without a word. I only had letters from her.
Edward seemed to brush it off, however. He was only mildly less cheerful. I did not know what to do. So I ignored it, as well.
There was a dance depicting all the young men of the kingdom trying to woo the beautiful Queen. A very cliche, traditional dance, meant to flatter a queen's vanity.
I sat down after this dance, smiling. But Edward's look was suddenly sour.
"Well now I see, Alisyn."
I looked at him, puzzled. "Pardon me, Edward?"
"I suppose you don't love me anymore, do you? I doubt you even like being married."
"Edward! Why--" How could he say that? We'd still never spoken of love. But I loved him more than anything.
"It can be that way, if you wish. It breaks my heart...but if you insist, I'll let you go."
"Edward! What are you saying?"
"Go!" he boomed, and the whole court was suddenly listening. "Go to Sir Tyler and Sir Eric, or Lord Michael! You have my blessing now! I know you fancy them, so I won't stop you!"
My face burned at these lies, yelled for everyone to hear and gossip about. "How could you say such a thing..."
But he stood up. "I'm off to bed."
I was alone. My heart felt like it had vanished. I couldn't feel it beating. I didn't understand what had happened. Was it Victoria?
Or had he simply tired of me? And he needed an excuse to get rid of me?
Or did he just want to prove to himself that he could hurt even the Queen, who was trained to take insults with a cool, self-assured smile even when her heart was breaking?
I wanted to cry, to beg everyone to tell me what had happened. But I could not leave, I could not cry, I could not beg. I danced the rest of the evening, late into the night, with a lighthearted smile on my face and my heart collapsing in my chest.
I slept in an empty bed for the first time since my marriage. Edward had gone into town and did not return for several days. When he did, my bed felt as empty as ever, for he never spoke to me then. Every time we attended a wedding and the bride and groom shared a kiss, I caught him giving me a cruel, bitter smile.
Other than that, however, everything was maddeningly normal. During the day we talked and laughed as we always had. But he never again called me his dearest wife. And I....I was a mess behind every smile. I could not mention that dreadful night, because of my pride. So I suffered in silence and in agony my every waking moment, until I could talk to him and pretend that nothing had happened.
Princess Victoria.
 LadyAlisyn · Tue Jul 28, 2009 @ 02:40am · 0 Comments |
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