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It was about a month after the ball when he finally proposed, a month that felt like a year to me. Despite my advisers' poor opinion of the Prince, everyone knew that, at least for that time, there was no teaching the Queen any sense. The suitors went home with sour faces, and the Prince and I spent nearly all our time together. I began to count down the minutes till we'd see each other, to look for him whenever I walked with my constant swirl of courtiers, to despair every time some business of his own tore him away from me. I could not concentrate on my own business...I had no patience for it.
I was becoming intensely infatuated with him. I would not call it love, but it was bewildering.
Finally, one day, as he was walking with me along the river, Edward suddenly and discreetly took my arm and rushed me forward, away from the following nobles. I was never allowed a moment alone with a man under normal circumstances. Not that I minded.
"I wonder, Alisyn..." he murmured, and I detected a very uncharacteristic trace of anxiety. I had never seen anything in him but his everlasting self-confidence.
"What is it, Edward?" I asked, allowing hope to catch me up in its treacherous arms.
He looked away, a spasm of insecurity and frustration overcoming his features. "It really is useless," he muttered to himself.
Despite our constant companionship, neither of us had dared to discuss marriage, even a casual marriage. Practically it was not the best choice I could make; his country was so small, he would inherit it when his father passed away and he would be absorbed in that most of the time, his own country's interests surpassing that of mine, and there were a dozen other more qualified princes.
And as to whether love or even strong attraction might be a reason for matrimony--marriage for love is a dangerous thing in a royal court. No one expects love; many deny it for a more favorable match. Love causes too many complications. It is safer to obey the brain over the heart, and everyone understands that.
Besides, because of this, the court often treats love as a game; promises and declarations were made, but it was all show--only fools fell for it, and were justly heartbroken. Edward and I had never even hinted at anything more than friendship, because we were both--or at least, I imagined that we were both terrified that what meant everything to one of us might only be a game to the other.
It turns out I was right to fear.
Also, I had never felt this strongly for anyone, but was that enough? Was it infatuation only? How could I know? I wasn't going to tangle myself in that mystery. Or, that's what I told myself.
Still, with all this running through my mind, I was a little impatient with Edward, if he was alluding to what I was wildly hoping for. Despite all my precautions...couldn't it be obvious what my answer would be? Despite all these reasons against us, wasn't it obvious that my heart would win in the end?
"Speak your mind to me," I pleaded gently. "I swear I will not think you foolish."
He looked at me, shocking me with the agitation in his eyes. "It is nothing more than a wild hope," he said dismissively.
Wild hope. This similarity made me bold.
"I command you to tell me what is on your mind," I murmured, more imperiously.
He smiled roguishly at that. "I'm not your subject," he protested, but then hesitated.
Finally, in full view of everyone behind us, he turned to me, dropped to his knee, and clasped my hands. As he looked earnestly into my startled face, he asked the question I'd been waiting for.
"Will you marry me, Queen Alisyn?"
All chatter died. I kept a very serious face though my heart was fluttering wildly. I released my hands and walked forward a few steps.
"Let me think on it," I said, still walking. But I could not help myself. In a very unqueenly moment, I ran back to the Prince where he still knelt with such a nervous expression, took his hands, and laughed. "Yes! I will marry you, Prince Edward."
The rest of the night, I am sure everyone commented on how a radiant smile never left my face.
~
I wake in my cell with a sense of acute happiness. But in the next few minutes a wave of disorientation comes over me, and finally I realize that much has happened since that wonderful day.
Overcome with disappointment, I just want to curl up and lay my head on my knees. But I sit like a stone, my face impassive. I do not cry.
I am a queen, and queens never cry. Especially over love.
 LadyAlisyn · Thu Jun 25, 2009 @ 01:40am · 0 Comments |
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