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More letters, and a development. |
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I'm reading through some of these, and I realize that I don't remember much of the events at court just before...this happened. I can't remember how I felt, what I was thinking, what was going on, who I was talking to.
I can remember everything else, up until a bit after the tension all began. But after that...it's blank.
The letters tell me little. I realize that I was either absorbing myself in other activities besides my deteriorating marriage, or actually talking face-to-face with him. Those conversations I can only keep in my unreliable memory..they are lost.
And many of my letters from him are lost, too. I only have these, in this period of time that I do not remember. Only one is from that golden time before this ugliness. It is so strange to see the dates on the letters keep moving forward and not understand what is happening.
As disheartening as they are, I must keep these letters. I must remember as much as I can. I find that it would be better to forget, but I cannot let go. So I shall keep it as close to me as possible.
~
On a happier note, I have come into contact with my sister. I came upon a servant of hers today, who barely recognized me with my rags and my new hair color. He delivered a letter expressing her worry and her promise of help from within the court. I am keeping this letter as well, because it expresses such a hope, and reminds me that I am not alone any longer. Though I do not want to involve her in any more danger than she is probably already in, I must accept her help. We will be cautious. The Lady Alice must seem to be distraught but utterly hopeless, so she can have no suspicion cast on her, and perhaps the King will overlook her.
I will ask her to accompany me to this prom. It will be risky, but I have faith that I will not be discovered after today. I saw the servant in my sister's colors and knew he would bring help, so I approached him. But he would not believe it was me for the longest time! He took quite a bit of convincing. But my sister and I must have each other at this prom, to share news and opinions on what we must do.
Even happier news! I will not only have help from within the court, but from out as well. My old favorite, the Lord Phil, has fled the court and by miracle found me in these streets. I should have hidden from him, but this was before I had received my sister's letter, and I was desperate to trust someone even in this dangerous time. Luckily my gamble turned out well. He is as faithful as he always has been, and it is such a great comfort to have someone nearby. I laugh at the discomfort with our new living arrangements and how he tries so hard not to show it. But we all must make adjustments now.
Finally, I have learned from my sister and Phil that my daughter, the Princess Momo, is safe, though she has been sent away from court to a one of the great houses far away. I fear it will be terribly difficult to send her a letter, as she will probably be heavily guarded, for the king cannot think I will simply disappear, defeated. But I also fear that she may be worried sick for me. I have decided that I shall send just one letter, assuring her that all will be well, for she is so young and should not have to bear such things. I will take the most careful precautions, and after that, pray fervently that it will reach her safely and cause her no harm.
That is all for now. Prom approaches and I find myself eager to move forward. This is terrible yes, but also, ironically, awfully exciting. I shall show this pretender king that I will have my rightful throne.
[b:a640e1acd8] heart Love, Ali! Or is it...never mind.[/color:a640e1acd8]
[img:a640e1acd8]http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m205/ObsessiveSquareEnixFan/Art/ladycopy-1.png[/img:a640e1acd8]
[[I want to feel it once more, that vivid music, interweaved with hope amid the darkness.]][/color:a640e1acd8][/b:a640e1acd8]
 LadyAlisyn · Sun May 24, 2009 @ 06:57am · 1 Comments |
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