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3 is my lucky number, and St. Katherine Drexel was my Confirmation saint! Amazing coincidences, eh? I didn't even realize it until my math test, on which I forgot LONG DIVISION crying well, she usually throws one out or counts one as bonus, so it's okay. I only needed a decent grade, not the 100s I need in everything else (literally, everything else). I had to fix one of my civics questions b/c I'm an idiot. Apparently I did okay on my project, but that's not even possible. And Ourse scared me today. But I got 10/10, so it was fine. Of course, that wouldn't have been a 10 if he'd been grading it sweatdrop I lucked out big time. Granted, he had to tell someone to trade with me stare
I was antsy today. It was kind of a leftover from the shower yesterday, though. I don't do well with people, even my own family sweatdrop The video about eating disorders didn't help much. For one thing, it made me really hungry. Reverse psychology for ya. And when that dancer said that she started cutting herself, I started crying. I can't handle hearing about it yet. I hate it when people make jokes. I always did, but I hate it more now. That compulsion is always there, lurking, waiting for me to fall. After the first time I stopped, I was fine, I thought. I didn't even think about it, but I think it was always there. Something happened, and suddenly it was there and it just felt like the one thing I could do to just take my mind off whatever it was. And it worked. I was careless, though, and I got caught within a month. 6 months of the Nugent woman, and finally freedom (though technically I wasn't quite done ^^;;; ) My parents are so forgetful. Nothing really bad has happened since then, so I'm much better at resisting, but I don't think it's ever going to go away.
And it was never really about pain. It was curiousity. I only reverted back to it because it was comfortable, familiar, something I was used to. It was pure habit. It didn't help the inside b/c if it had, I never would've stopped. Well, maybe I would've this year. But I wouldn't have, if anything had been any different. Stupid Nugent woman couldn't understand that. It just had to be about feeling or not feeling, couldn't be curiousity. I gave up trying to tell her otherwise after 2 weeks.
My curiousity always seems to get the better of me sweatdrop
~... .- .-. .- .--. ..
 nepie · Tue Mar 04, 2008 @ 12:35am · 0 Comments |
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