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Witches In Tights
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Written by: Mark Wilding
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick
Season 5, Episode 05
Episode Number: 93
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[Scene: A club. It is packed with men and women dancing and having a good time. Piper walks through the crowd and catches Leo dancing.]
Piper: What are you doing?
Leo: DJ's really good, huh?
Piper: Yeah, too bad she's not really good at P3.
Leo: Right, sorry.
Piper: Focus. We are here on business not pleasure.
Leo: Okay, I know, I know. But don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?
Piper: No, I don't. This club has become the hottest thing in town and I'd like to know what they're doing that I'm not.
Leo: P3's still doing great.
Piper: Not as great as it used to be thanks to me.
Leo: Okay, well, Piper, you're having a baby, your priorities have changed.
Piper: Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now, it's been in all the papers.
Leo: Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?
(Piper spots two people making out on a couch.)
Piper: Ugh. Oh, for god's sakes, people, get a room.
(They stop kissing. It's Paige.)
Paige: Piper.
(She stands up.)
Piper: Paige? What are you doing here?
Paige: Well, you know, just hanging out.
Piper: You couldn't hang out at our club?
Guy: What, and miss this DJ? Come on.
Paige: Uh, this is my other sister, Piper and her husband Leo. This is Dave.
Leo: Nice to meet you.
(Leo and Dave shake hands.)
Dave: Yeah, you too, mate. Thanks.
Piper: I didn't know there was a Dave.
Paige: Oh, we've only been hanging out for like three weeks.
Piper: Weeks?
(Phoebe comes up to Paige and hands her a drink.)
Phoebe: Here you go. (She spots Piper.) Oh, hi, Piper. Hey, hey, wow, you're up late. What are you doing here?
Piper: Right back at ya.
Leo: Dave, how about I buy you a drink.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Dave: I've got one, thanks.
Leo: That's not gonna be enough.
(Leo and Dave walk away.)
Piper: Thought you said you were working tonight.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I mean, I'm actually working here, you know, I thought that guys could help me with my advice to other guys, you know. And that-that guy over there with the dimples... Hi! Yeah, huge help.
Piper: Well, see, yeah, I don't know what bugs me more. The fact that you guys are here or that you're here without me.
Paige: Well, we just didn't think it would be good for the baby, you know, all the noise and the people.
Piper: Yeah, I know, but sometimes it's good for the mummy to get out.
Paige: Okay, so you would've wanted to come?
Piper: No. But that is beside the point.
Paige: You're a very confusing woman.
Piper: It's alright, hey, it's no big deal. You guys, I'll see you at home.
(She walks away.)
Phoebe: Oh, Piper.
Paige: Still think this is a good idea?
Phoebe: Well, you know Piper. She won't slow down unless someone slows her down. I just don't want to do anything to add to her stress.
[Scene: Outside a building. It's dark. A boy is there drawing on a notepad. A demon appears.]
Demon: You seem stressed.
Boy: Arnon, you scared me.
Arnon: What are you doing out here?
Boy: Door's locked so I thought I'd practise drawing while I waited.
Arnon: Good.
Boy: Not really. I don't know, I just can't seem to make it work. I've done everything you've said, tried to focus.
Arnon: Then you're not trying hard enough. You have a special gift, Kevin, a very special gift. If you're to master it, you have to believe in it fully. You draw to see it better but it'll never be real, not unless you make it real in your mind's eye. Make it real, Kevin. Make it come to life.
(Kevin completes his drawing and stares at it. A tiger appears near by.)
Kevin: Oh my god, it worked! (The tiger growls.) Okay, how do we make it go away?
(Arnon rips the page out of the book and tears it in half. The tiger disappears.)
Arnon: Now, it's time to make that hero of yours real too, to take care of your little problem. And then, take care of mine.
Opening Credits
[Scene: A dark alley. Kevin turns a corner and a guy walks up to him.]
Guy: What are you doing here, fool?
Kevin: I'm just trying to get home, Caz.
Caz: Listen! (He pushes Kevin. Two other guys stand behind Kevin.) We've had this conversation. This is where I do my business. Alright, and I don't like getting bothered.
(Kevin looks at the guys behind him.)
Guy #2: Turn around.
Caz: It's gonna cost you.
(He grabs Kevin's bag.)
Kevin: Hey!
(He pulls out his drawing book and looks at a drawing.)
Caz: What is this? Is this me? Getting my a** kicked by you? (He hits Kevin across the face and Kevin falls to the ground. Caz throws the book at Kevin.) Catch ya next time, little man.
(They walk away. The wind blows the book open. Kevin smiles at a drawing of a superhero.)
[Cut to an office. Caz and a guy is there. The place is trashed. Caz picks up a bag of stuff.]
Caz: Alright, that's enough, let's get outta here. (They start to leave and they see a superhero standing near the door. He is covered in black leather and wearing a black mask across his eyes.) What is this, Halloween? Who the hell are you, fool?
Superhero: I'm the Aggressor.
Caz: The Aggressor? Whoever you are you just made a serious mistake.
(The guy gets out a knife and attacks the Aggressor. The Aggressor moves behind the guy in the blink of an eye.)
Aggressor: Behind you.
(He grabs the guy and throws him across the room. Caz gets out a gun and shoots at the Aggressor. The Aggressor deflects the bullets with his hand and they hit Caz. The Aggressor leaves in the blink of an eye.)
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is there making a huge sandwich. Paige walks in through the back door.]
Paige: Morning.
Piper: Morning. Did you just get home?
Paige: Yeah. (She notices Piper's sandwich.) Oh my god. Pickles and hot fudge sauce and mustard, are you seriously eating that?
Piper: That was the plan. Wait a minute, you didn't come home all night?
Paige: No, mum. Why?
Piper: I must be going nuts 'cause I could've sworn I saw you when I walked past your room.
Paige: Was it about 2:30? Was I half naked?
Piper: Paige, what's going on?
Paige: Nothing, I don't wanna bother you.
(She sits at the table.)
Piper: You're not bothering me. Why does everybody think they're bothering me all of a sudden? I'm not bothered. What's the matter?
Paige: Well, I was sorta messing around with Dave and...
Piper: Messing around?
Paige: Yeah. Having sex.
Piper: Oh.
Paige: See, this is why I don't want to talk to you about this. It's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway.
Piper: Well, uh, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant?
Paige: Err, I don't wanna know that either. Anyway, so we were doing, you know, and I was about to, you know, and suddenly I orbed out upstairs.
Piper: Oh my god, you didn't? Did he notice?
Paige: No, thank god, I orbed back in before the lights came back on. Talk about embarrassing.
Piper: Forget embarrassing. Paige, you could've had some serious explaining to do.
Paige: Well, I didn't plan on orbing out, Piper, it wasn't exactly my particular goal at the moment.
Piper: Okay, so why do you think this is happening? I mean, is he not getting the job done?
Paige: No, he's getting the job done fine. I think I like him a lot and other than Glen, he's been the first guy I've been with since I found out I was a witch and I think I'm so busy protecting this big old secret of ours that I can't really let my guard down. How'd you do it?
Piper: Marry an angel. (They hear a crash and Leo groaning in another room.) Leo?
[Cut to the conservatory. Leo and an Elder are on the floor. Looks like Leo orbed onto a coffee table. They get up.]
Leo: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, are you alright?
Elder: Been orbing long have we?
Leo: Hey, I'm a little nervous.
(Piper and Paige walk in.)
Piper: Leo, what happened? We heard a crash.
Elder: He missed.
Piper: Uh, who's the critic?
Leo: This is Ramus, he's an Elder.
Piper: An Elder? Really?
Paige: I thought you told us he wasn't coming til tonight?
Piper: Told us? Nobody told me anything. Leo?
Leo: Well, we didn't want you to worry about demonic threats until it was absolutely necessary.
Piper: What threats?
Ramus: Well, I suppose this will have to do.
(He walks across the room.)
Piper: Okay, uh, what are you two up to?
Paige: It was Phoebe's idea.
Leo: Uh, we were just trying to make things a little easier, that's all, relieve some stress.
Piper: Well, stop it, 'cause it's pissing me off, I'm pregnant not terminal. So what, what is he doing here?
Leo: Uh, Ramus is retiring. He came down to pass on his powers to a new Elder.
Piper: So...
Leo: So? There isn't a demon alive who wouldn't love to have his powers. So the Elders want you to protect him in case there's an attack.
Paige: Why can't he just orb out?
Ramus: Because my powers are mental, young lady, not physical. You'd think a charge of yours would know something as basic as that.
(Ramus walks around the room.)
Paige: Nothing wrong with his hearing.
Piper: No, just his attitude.
Leo: Piper!
Piper: What?
Leo: A little respect.
Piper: Ugh, for crying out loud. So who is this new Elder and when does he get here?
Ramus: We don't know who he is. All I know is that the transfer must take place during tonight's equinox or else I will lose my powers forever.
Piper: So we're just supposed to sit around here and wait?
Ramus: Yes. Unfortunately.
[Scene: An abandoned building. There are parts of aeroplanes scattered around the place. Kevin walks in.]
Kevin: Arnon?
(Arnon appears in a chair.)
Arnon: I was getting worried about you, Kevin.
Kevin: Arnon, you scared me.
Arnon: Sorry. Where's the Aggressor?
Kevin: He's, he's gone. I ripped up the drawing.
Arnon: You what?
Kevin: He killed a guy. Arnon, he killed Kaz.
Arnon: Isn't that why you wanted me to help you create your superhero in the first place?
Kevin: No, not to kill. I never wanted that.
Arnon: He was a bad guy, wasn't he? Just like Ramus is.
Kevin: I'm not drawing him again. Arnon, I'm sorry.
Arnon: We had a deal. I help you, you help me, remember? Now, I need the Aggressor to take out Ramus. To rid him of his powers.
Kevin: Why can't you just take him out yourself?
Arnon: I told you. I only have the ability to sense great powers, not possess them. That's how I found you, that's how I'll find Ramus. Now, help me do the right thing, Kevin. Bring your superhero back to life, before somebody else loses theirs.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Phoebe's there working on her laptop. Her assistant walks in with a box full of letters.]
Phoebe: Those are all life and death?
Assistant: Well, not literally. At least, not most of them.
Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? I can't keep up, they just keep coming.
Assistant: What can you do? Answer two or three a day and ignore the rest. You can't help everybody.
Phoebe: Yeah, that's the problem. (The phone rings.) I got it, thanks. (The assistant leaves.) Phoebe Halliwell.
Piper: So what do you say to an over bearing younger sister who's treating her pregnant older sister like a porcelain doll?
Phoebe: Thank you?
Piper: How about knock it off.
Phoebe: That's probably better advice. Are you mad at me?
Piper: No, not if you come home and baby sit Ramus.
Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, I can't. I've got a gazillion letters that I have to get to.
Piper: Well, Bored in Berkley can wait. I've got DJ's to audition.
Phoebe: No, believe me, these are a lot more serious than that. And you're not supposed to be going to work anyway.
Piper: Phoebe.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, can't I worry about my niece? Okay, look, what about Paige? Can't she come?
Piper: Apparently not. She's with Dave trying desperately not to orb.
Phoebe: Oh, for goodness sakes. Okay, well, what about, um... (Cole stands at the doorway. He clears his throat.) Cole.
Piper: Cole, watching an Elder? I really don't think that's a good idea.
Phoebe: No, b... p... you... Okay, I'll be home as soon as I can, okay?
(Phoebe hangs up.)
Cole: Phoebe.
Phoebe: Whatever it is, I don't have time.
Cole: No, you don't understand, this isn't about us. I need your help.
Phoebe: Yeah, who doesn't?
Cole: Have you ever heard of Edward Miller, the slumlord? He took millions from the city and renovation money but instead of fixing up the building he's trying to kick the tenants out.
Phoebe: Well, how is he able to do that?
Cole: I don't know but that's why I'm trying to get an injunction to stop him.
Phoebe: Oh, really? You? What's with all the red tape? Why don't you just turn him into a fountain pen?
Cole: Believe me, I'm tempted but, um, I've decided I'm not gonna use my powers no matter what.
Phoebe: Since when?
Cole: Since I tried to strangle you with them.
(Phoebe grabs her coat and bag and leaves her office.)
Phoebe: (to her assistant) I'll be working from home for the rest of the day.
Cole: Phoebe, listen to me. This is legitimate. These people are going to be evicted tonight and I can't get an injunction until tomorrow. I mean, if you could just threaten to expose him in your paper or maybe even link it to a TV station.
Phoebe: Cole, I don't have enough time to help my readers with their problems right now.
Cole: But we're talking about whole families here. Kids, babies, with nowhere to go.
Phoebe: Look, I think it's great that you wanna help, I really do. But I can't. I am powerless to do anything right now.
Cole: You may be a lot of things but powerless isn't one of them.
(Cole walks away.)
Assistant: Was he talking about Edward Miller, the slumlord? (Phoebe nods.) Actually, you did get some letters from some of his tenants.
Phoebe: Really? I haven't seen them.
Assistant: No, you haven't gotten to them.
[Scene: Dave's apartment. Paige and Dave are lying in bed.]
Dave: Did you?
Paige: No.
Dave: Didn't think so.
Paige: It's not you, Dave. Trust me, it's me.
Dave: You keep saying that, Paige, but what does that mean?
Paige: It's complicated.
Dave: Well, you're in luck. 'Cause I happen to specialise in complicated. Come on, talk to me, you won't scare me away.
Paige: Promise?
Dave: Mm-hm.
Paige: It's just that I'm really different than other girls.
Dave: I know, that's what I like about you.
Paige: No, I mean, really different, more than you could possibly imagine.
Dave: Okay.
Paige: So you're alright with that?
Dave: Alright with what?
Paige: Forget it.
Dave: Forget what?
Paige: Look, I'm not a freak, it's not like I have a tail or something.
Dave: Paige, I don't know what you're talking about.
Paige: Just forget I said anything.
Dave: But you didn't say anything.
Paige: You know, I think I got closer that time. You wanna try again?
(They kiss.)
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Ramus is meditating in mid-air. He has a blue light surrounding him.]
Piper: Leo? (Piper walks in.) Leo! (Ramus falls to the floor.) What are you doing?
Ramus: Would you mind? My meditation requires peace and quiet.
Piper: Well, then you're in the wrong house, pal. Have you seen my husband?
Ramus: He's upstairs.
Piper: Okay, could you tell him that I'll be at P3. He can watch over you until Phoebe shows up.
Ramus: I'll tell him no such thing. It is your job to protect me, not his. Those are the rules.
Piper: Hm. Well, history lesson. I'm not a big fan of your rules, in fact I take pride in breaking them.
Ramus: I know, you've been a real pain over the years.
Piper: Oh, you mean marrying Leo? Yes, I know you Elders were dead set against that.
Ramus: Not all of us. Some of us foresaw the special baby you'd be carrying.
Piper: Still, that doesn't... What do you mean special?
(Phoebe walks in through the front door.)
Phoebe: Hi!
Piper: Wait, what do you mean?
Phoebe: Oh, don't get excited, I can't stay long.
Ramus: (to Piper) You'll see.
(Phoebe rushes over to Piper and Ramus.)
Phoebe: (to Ramus) Hi, wow. (She shakes his hand.) It is an honour and a pleasure to meet an Elder... sir... really... wow. Okay, but I've gotta go. I'm sorry, but if I don't stop that dirt bag landlord...
Ramus: Oh.
Piper: What's the matter?
Ramus: Someone's coming... for me.
(The Aggressor appears in a blink of an eye.)
Aggressor: Ramus.
Ramus: Hurry, freeze him.
(Piper freezes him but he fights through it. He heads for Ramus and Phoebe pushes him out of the way.)
Phoebe: Paige!
(Paige orbs in, half naked.)
Paige: Damn it, I was so close.
Aggressor: I don't wanna hurt you, I just want him.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, forget about it.
(Phoebe goes to kick him and he grabs her leg and pushes her across the room. Leo runs down the stairs.)
Leo: Ramus!
(He dives on Ramus and orbs out with him. The Aggressor leaves in a blink of an eye.)
Phoebe: Who was that masked man?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in. Paige is now wearing a dressing gown.]
Paige: Okay, we should look under... actually I have no idea what to look under.
Piper: Well, he had a great big giant A on his chest, how about A?
Phoebe: I'm telling you, you are not gonna find him in the Book of Shadows. At a comic book convention, maybe.
(Paige starts flipping through the Book of Shadows.)
Paige: He could still be a demon.
Phoebe: Paige, he was in tights.
(Leo orbs in.)
Leo: Ramus is safe for now but he can't stay up there for long or else he will miss the equinox.
Phoebe: Oh, can't he just wait for the next one.
Leo: No, he can't otherwise he will miss his chance to pass on his powers to his successor.
Phoebe: But tonight's my only night to help the families being evicted, otherwise they'll be on the streets.
Piper: Uh, Phoebe, I think super villains trump slumlords.
Leo: Uh, Paige, where did you orb in from?
(Paige covers herself with her gown.)
Paige: I was dealing with some personal problems.
Leo: Well, I'm your Whitelighter, so if you ever wanna talk...
Piper/Paige: No!
Phoebe: Can we please just concentrate on the comic book guy.
Piper: Well, comic books wouldn't be a bad place to start. Remember the demon of illusion?
Paige: No.
Leo: He was before you. He literally hid in movies.
Piper: So this guy could be hiding in comics or coming out of them somehow.
Paige: So we need to check comic book stores?
Phoebe: Oh, that's gonna take forever.
Paige: Alright, you just go deal with your slumlord, I'll catch up with you later.
Phoebe: No, it's okay, we should do it together.
Paige: No, if I see some dude in tights, I'll just orb out.
Phoebe: Paige, it's dangerous, you shouldn't do it alone.
Piper: Well, guess what? She won't have to. Remember me? The invisible woman. Now you two have got to cut this crap out now. (to Paige) Come on, let's go get you into something less comfortable.
(Piper and Paige leave the attic.)
[Scene: An abandoned building. Arnon and Kevin are there. Kevin's neck is glowing. He is in pain.]
Arnon: How could the Aggressor fail? You told me you drew him invisible. The equinox comes around once in a lifetime. I don't plan on spending the rest of that life sensing power. I want power, Ramus's power.
Kevin: I tried.
Arnon: Not hard enough. (Arnon releases the light on Kevin's neck. Kevin coughs.) You'll draw a new Aggressor. Stronger. One that can handle the witches when Ramus returns.
Kevin: What if I turn the Aggressor onto you?
Arnon: I'd kill you before you could try. And then I'd kill the rest of the people in your life who still care about you. I may not have much power, but I have enough to do that. Now, draw.
(Arnon walks away. Kevin starts to draw a woman on the page that looks like Phoebe.)
[Scene: The slumlord's building. Phoebe walks in. The tenants are leaving their apartments. Phoebe walks up to a man in a suit.]
Phoebe: Uh, Edward Miller?
Edward: Yeah.
Phoebe: Phoebe Halliwell, Bay Mirror. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.
Edward: No, I don't think so.
(Edward walks off. Phoebe follows.)
Phoebe: Okay, so how does it feel to be the most hated man in the city?
Edward: Excuse me?
Phoebe: Well, at least not until tomorrow (he stops walking) when the morning edition comes out and everyone reads that your forcing innocent families out on the streets.
Edward: You print that, lady, and I'll sue you for liable.
Phoebe: Ooh, now I'm a little rusty on my law but how could it be liable when actually it's the truth?
Edward: Get outta my way.
(He pushes her aside and walks off.)
Phoebe: Hey! (She follows him.) Look, you can run but you can not hide, Mister! My newspaper's gonna do a huge expose on this. You won't get away with it!
Edward: I already have.
(Suddenly, Phoebe changes into a superhero, dressed in a tight red and black top and tight red and black shorts, black knee-high boots and a black mask.)
[Cut to Kevin. He has drawn Piper, Phoebe and Paige as superheroes.]
[Cut to a comic book store. Piper and Paige walk outside.]
Piper: Well, we have a few more stores to check out. Maybe we'll still find something.
Paige: Yeah, more lonely superheroes who have to hide their true identities. Which does not bode well for my love life.
Piper: Paige, let me ask you a question. Are you gonna marry Dave?
Paige: No, I just met him.
Piper: Well, then relax and worry about it when you've gotta worry about it. (Suddenly, Piper and Paige change into superheroes. Piper is wearing silver and black long pants with a silver and black top and black mask. Paige is wearing a short black skirt with a pink and black top, black knee-high boots and a black mask. They jump onto the roof top in a blink of an eye.) Oo-kay, what just happened here?
Paige: Uh, see I was kinda hoping you could tell me.
Woman's Voice: Help! Somebody help me!
[Cut to a car park. A man is pulling a woman out of the car by her hair. He throws her to the ground. Piper and Paige arrive. The man points a gun at the woman.]
Piper: Hey! (The man shoots at Piper and Piper catches the bullet.) Not exactly what I had in mind but it'll do. (The man starts to run away but Piper runs in front of him in a blink of an eye.) Hi, how's it going?
(Piper throws the man into a dumpster. Paige goes up to the woman.)
Paige: Are you alright?
Woman: Who are you people? Where did you come from?
(Piper and Paige help her up.)
Piper: Well, that's a mighty good question, lady.
[Cut to a building roof top. Superhero Phoebe is holding Edward by his ankles over the edge. Edward is panicking.]
Edward: They don't have to move. They can stay for a year. Ten years!
Phoebe: What about the cockroaches? Are you gonna do something about the cockroaches?
Edward: First thing tomorrow. Just please don't drop me. Please.
(Cole appears.)
Cole: Uh, Phoebe?
Phoebe: Cole! (She lets go of one ankle.) What are you doing here?
Cole: Well, I got a call from one of the tenants saying that, uh, Wonder Woman was terrorising the landlord. (He looks over the edge.) What the hell are you doing?
Phoebe: Well, I'm teaching my buddy here how important it is to be a better person. (to Edward) Are you a better person yet?
Edward: I'm slipping!
Phoebe: Oh, no, you're not slipping. (She nearly drops him.) That's slipping.
(Cole laughs.)
Cole: Honey...
Phoebe: Don't call me honey anymore.
Cole: I don't know what's going on here but this is not you. Literally.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? This is better than me. This is new and improved me. Now not only can I help my readers, but I can help the entire city.
Cole: Careful, he's got ears.
Phoebe: Oh, please, relax. The only thing he can hear right now is the blood rushing to his brain. (She pulls him up and he falls to the ground.) One more slip up, Edward, and we'll end up right back up here.
(Edward runs away.)
Cole: Phoebe, are you outta your mind? What if somebody sees you?
Phoebe: That's why we wear masks.
Cole: We?
Phoebe: Yeah, superheroes. Okay, Cole, I gotta go 'cause I have a lot of loyal readers that need my help, okay.
Cole: Okay.
(Phoebe zips across from building to building.)
Phoebe: Whoo!
[Cut to downstairs. Edward walks up to a security guard.]
Edward: I want you to find out everything you can about Cole Turner's wife.
Security Guard: His wife? Why?
Edward: Just do it.
[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper and Paige zip in.]
Paige: Ah, head rush. Let's do it again.
Piper: No, what if somebody sees us?
Paige: Sees us? We're blurs. Besides, who cares?
(Phoebe zips in.)
Phoebe: Okay, give me a sec while my organs catch up.
Paige: Nice outfit.
Phoebe: Back atcha, sis.
Piper: Yeah, okay, but where did we get them?
Phoebe: I don't know and I don't care. All I know is I'm on a role. I have helped so many readers... (she takes off her mask) today...
Piper: What?
Phoebe: I don't know but suddenly I don't feel so good about this. It's like the masks are clouding our judgement making us feel like we're invincible. (Piper takes off her mask.) See?
Piper: Yeah, unfortunately.
(Paige takes her mask off.)
Paige: I don't like it, I'm putting it back on.
(She puts her mask back on.)
Phoebe: No, Paige, we need to think clearly so we can figure out who did this...
(The Aggressor zips in and knocks Phoebe across the room. Piper rushes over to her.)
Piper: Phoebe!
(The Aggressor tries to hit Paige but she dodges really quickly. He ends up putting his fist through the wall. Paige punches him in the face. Piper kicks him and he lands in the foyer. He gets back up and heads for Piper. Phoebe gets up and punches him several times in the stomach, then throws him into the conservatory. He lands on a table and gets a piece of wood stuck through his chest. The girls run in.)
Aggressor: Thank you.
(The Aggressor changes into Kevin.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Leo is crouched beside Kevin.]
Paige: What are you waiting for?
Leo: How do we know if we heal him he's not gonna try kill you guys again?
Piper: Leo, he's a kid.
Phoebe: Plus, killers don't usually thank you for killing them.
Leo: He thanked you?
Paige: Just hurry up.
(Leo heals Kevin. Kevin wakes up.)
Kevin: What happened?
Piper: Before or after your alter ego tried to kill us.
Leo: Come on.
(Leo helps Kevin up.)
Phoebe: What's your name?
Kevin: Kevin.
Piper: Well, Kevin, you have some explaining to do. Are you responsible for these outfits?
(Kevin nods.)
Kevin: I was hoping to be able to stop the Aggressor.
Paige: The Aggressor? Don't you mean you?
Kevin: Yeah.
Phoebe: We were gonna kill you, we almost did.
Leo: Is that what you wanted?
Kevin: I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to hurt anyone else. And then after our first battle, I thought maybe if I drew you with more powers...
Piper: Hang on a second, Mister, what do you mean you drew us?
Kevin: I've always been able to imagine things and then make them come to life through my drawings. Like you guys, the protectors. I never told anybody about what I could do. I knew it would freak people out. Hey, it freaked me out at first.
Leo: Thought projection, a very rare power, means he's a witch too.
Phoebe: Why'd you make yourself a superhero?
Kevin: Because I got tired getting beaten up all the time. And Arnon came along a said he'd teach me to focus my power.
Paige: Arnon, who's that?
Kevin: Somebody I wished I never met. He used me to get to Ramus. Said that he was a bad guy, that we had to stop him. But all Arnon wanted were his powers.
(The Elders call Leo.)
Leo: The Elders, they want me to bring Ramus back down.
Piper: No, you can't. Not until we figure out a way to stop Arnon.
Leo: Well, I don't have a choice, the equinox is starting.
Piper: He'll kill Ramus.
Paige: He can't, not without the Aggressor.
Piper: We can't know that for sure. You have to wait until we find him.
Phoebe: Yeah, but how?
Kevin: I know how. Arnon doesn't know the Aggressor failed yet. So all I have to do is follow him back to his hideout.
Paige: No, that is too dangerous.
Kevin: I won't be in danger, not with you guys there. With all your super powers and your super hearing, you'll easily be able to over power him, trust me. After all, I drew you, didn't I.
Paige: Okay, but you have to do exactly what we say.
Kevin: Promise.
[Scene: Outside Arnon's hideout. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Kevin peek around the corner.]
Paige: Is this it?
Kevin: Yeah, through that door.
Piper: Do you hear anything inside?
Paige: Rats, dripping water, cockroaches, may as well be my old apartment. Don't hear any Arnon though.
[Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Leo orbs in with Ramus.]
Ramus: Well, at least you didn't break anything this time.
Leo: Actually, I think we'd be safer upstairs.
Ramus: No, here is fine.
Leo: With all the doors, if anybody attacks...
Ramus: Anybody who attacks doesn't need doors, Leo. Relax. (Ramus sits down.) There's nothing either of us can do to change what's meant to be.
Leo: What is that supposed to mean? What aren't you telling me?
Ramus: Actually, quite a bit. (He chuckles.) Look, Leo, you know as well as I do that there is a reason for everything which means that there is a reason for here, for now.
Leo: Well, how the hell am I supposed to protect you if I don't know what the hell is going on? Sorry.
Ramus: No, no, I like that. You could stand to be a little tougher sometimes. Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can't kick some a** now and again. (Leo sits down.) Leo, my fate is sealed, win or lose, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Which means that there is nothing more either of us can do to change that. But there is however perhaps something I can do for you.
Leo: What do you mean?
Ramus: I am an Elder and I can foresee the future enough of it anyway to give you a glimpse. If you're interested.
Leo: Isn't that against the rules?
Ramus: I'm retiring, what do I care? You can ask me one question and one question only.
(Leo thinks for a moment.)
Leo: Will, uh, will our baby be healthy?
Ramus: Yes, very healthy. And more powerful than you can even imagine.
[Cut to outside Arnon's hideout.]
Phoebe: Okay, listen, you're gonna go in there and summon him, okay, but when he comes call for us and we'll get you out of there in a flash.
Paige: The slightest peep, I'll hear it.
Kevin: Okay.
Piper: You don't have to do this, you know.
Kevin: No, I want to.
(Kevin heads for the door. An aeroplane flies above and Paige covers her ears.)
Phoebe: Are you okay?
Paige: Uh.
(Kevin walks inside the building. Edward is watching with a video camera near by from inside his car.)
[Cut to inside the building.]
Kevin: Arnon? Arnon? Arnon, it's me, K...
(Arnon comes up behind Kevin and puts his hand on his shoulder.)
Arnon: You betrayed me. (He holds up the drawing of superhero Piper, Phoebe and Paige.) Now that I know you can draw powers for others, you can draw some for me.
[Cut to outside.]
Paige: Stupid planes, all I hear is ringing in my ears.
Piper: Okay, forget it, we've gotta get him out of there.
(They zip inside and Edward catches it with the video camera.)
[Cut to inside the building. Kevin is unconscious on the floor.]
Piper: Kevin, wake up, come on.
(Paige picks up a drawing of another superhero.)
Paige: What is this?
Phoebe: Another Aggressor?
(The Aggressor zips in.)
Aggressor: That's right.
(He rips the drawing of the superhero Piper, Phoebe and Paige in half and the girls return to their normal clothes.)
Piper: Uh-oh.
(The Aggressor throws them through a wooden wall.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Outside Arnon's hideout. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are on the ground.]
Piper: Ouch.
Paige: Everybody still alive?
Piper: I'm not sure yet.
Phoebe: Oh, no complaining. You're the one that didn't want to get pampered, remember?
Piper: I take it back, I take it back.
(They get up.)
Paige: At least you have a baby that can heal you.
Piper: Yeah, open wounds but apparently not aches and pains.
(Kevin walks out.)
Kevin: Oh, god, oh, god, I'm so sorry about this.
Paige: It's okay, it's not your fault.
Kevin: I didn't have a choice. Arnon threatened to kill me if I didn't.
Phoebe: It doesn't matter, all that matters is that you're fine.
Kevin: For now until he needs me to draw even more powers.
Paige: He won't need anymore powers if he gets to Ramus before we do.
Phoebe: Okay, so how do we stop him? We're not superheroes anymore.
Kevin: I can make you superheroes again.
Piper: No, that'll take too long, he'll have Ramus by then.
Paige: So how do we stop him?
Piper: As super witches.
Kevin: But you couldn't stop my superhero as witches, how are you gonna stop Arnon?
Piper: Okay, so we'll rip up his drawing and turn back into the wussy demon that he is.
Kevin: You can't. He took the drawing with him.
[Cut to the manor. Leo and Ramus are there. Leo is pacing.]
Ramus: Will you just relax? You're making me nervous.
Leo: Okay, well, something isn't right, I can sense it.
Ramus: Leo, I've told you, you've already done your job. Now it's time to let your charges do theirs.
Leo: Well, I just don't understand what's taking so long. They should be home by now.
Ramus: They will be. They're just gonna be too late.
Leo: You know what? I-I'm getting you outta here.
Ramus: Mm. Oh, I'm afraid this is gonna hurt.
(The Aggressor barges through the front door. He zips in front of Leo and punches him, sending him across the dining room table.)
Aggressor: (to Ramus) Looks like getting your powers is gonna be easier than I thought.
Ramus: Enjoy it while it lasts.
(White lights flow out of Ramus and into the Aggressor's body. Ramus vanishes. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Kevin orb in.)
Aggressor: You're too late, Ramus is dead.
Piper: Leo.
(She goes over to him.)
Phoebe: Paige, now.
Paige: Boot!
(The Aggressor's boot orbs into Paige's hand. The Aggressor falls to the floor.)
Kevin: Left! I meant left boot!
Paige: Oh, for goodness sakes. Left boot!
(The other boot orbs into Paige's hand and she pulls the drawing out of it. She tears it up and The Aggressor turns back into Arnon. He stands up.)
Phoebe: Yeah, don't you just hate it when that happens?
Paige: Fortunately, since you have Ramus's powers, you should be able to foresee what's gonna happen next.
(Piper walks over to Arnon.)
Piper: It's gonna hurt isn't it?
(Piper blows up Arnon and Ramus's powers leave him.)
Paige: What the hell is that?
(The powers enter Kevin's body.)
Kevin: What, what just happened?
Phoebe: Looks like Ramus was able to pass his powers onto the new Elder after all.
Paige: An Elder? He's only thirteen.
Leo: Elders are like kings. They can be any age.
Kevin: I-I don't understand. What does this mean?
Piper: Well, for one thing, it means that nobody's gonna be pushing you around anymore.
[Scene: Outside Cole's office. Cole locks the door and starts walking down the hallway. Edward comes around the corner holding a videotape.]
Edward: You Turner?
Cole: Yeah, who are you?
Edward: Edward Miller, but you can call me Ed.
Cole: I've got nothing to say to you.
(Cole walks off and Edward follows.)
Edward: Yeah, well, I got something to say to you. As well as the little missus. (Cole stops.) You know, there's just a very certain special way that married people talk to each other. Very distinctive to the ear. Even when you're hanging upside down.
(Cole walks into an elevator.)
Cole: I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about.
Edward: Really? Well, uh, maybe this will jog your memory. (He holds up the videotape.) Maybe we should go talk somewhere a little more private, huh?
[Scene: P3. Paige and Dave are walking through the crowd. They approach Piper and Leo who are sitting on a couch, kissing.]
Paige: Ooh, looks like someone needs to get a room.
Piper: Cute, very cute.
Leo: How's it going, Dave.
(Dave shakes his hand.)
Dave: Never better, mate, never better.
Piper: Oh, really? How about you guys go get us girls some drinks.
Dave: Sparkling or still?
Paige: Sparkling of course.
(Leo stands up.)
Dave: (to Piper) Oh, by the way, congrats on the club, it's great and the DJ is wicked.
Piper: Thanks.
(Leo and Dave walk away. Paige sits down beside Piper.)
Paige: See, it's nice to know you've still got it in you.
Piper: Yeah, although I'm beginning to realise that being number one in town just isn't as important as it used to be. And neither is fighting demons for that matter.
Paige: What, you don't like being a superhero?
Piper: Oh, no, are you kidding, it was awesome. I mean, being a witch is still awesome. It's just that there's a new number in town.
Paige: Good for you.
Piper: Yeah. And apparently good for you. Since you worked through your issues with Dave I gather.
Paige: Yes, I did thank god. I was just about to join a convent.
Piper: Mm-hm. Must have been the pink leather, broke you down.
Paige: Don't laugh, but I think it might've been. Something about leaping over tall buildings in a single bound. I guess that'll free any girl up.
Piper: Yeah, and let your guard down.
Paige: Yeah, I'm gonna take you advice and just, you know, relax. If he's mister right I'll tell him I fly around on broomsticks.
(Phoebe walks up to them.)
Phoebe: He may find out by himself.
Paige: What?
Phoebe: Cole just called. He said the idiot slumlord wants to meet Cole and me now.
Piper: Why?
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. Something about having a tape of Cole's superhero ex-wife in action.
Piper: Oh, no.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Cole's apartment. Cole and Edward are there watching the videotape.]
Cole: What do you want?
Edward: Well, your wife off my back for starters. Then maybe fifty grand a month.
Cole: Fifty grand?
Edward: Yeah. And if they don't have it, they can certainly get it. Just put on those cute little outfits.
Cole: They don't have them anymore.
Edward: Well, they'd better find them. I wouldn't try anything if I were you, this is just a copy.
Cole: I can find the original.
Edward: Oh, yeah? How?
Cole: Well, I have certain powers too. But I'm trying very hard not to use them, very hard. I don't like what they do to me.
Edward: Yeah, okay, whatever, pal. Guess I'll just sell this to the highest bidder.
(He heads for the door.)
Cole: I can't let you do that.
Edward: Try and stop me.
(Cole uses his power and vanquishes Edward. Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Is he here?
Cole: Who?
Phoebe: Miller. Edward Miller, you said he was coming.
Cole: Oh, yeah, um, I took care of it.
Phoebe: What do you mean? (She starts backing away.) What does that mean?
Cole: Phoebe, he was gonna expose you. (She gets in the elevator.) What was I supposed to do? Phoebe, wait.
(The elevator doors close.)
 marshjazz · Tue Jul 19, 2005 @ 09:05pm · 0 Comments |
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