i want to cry. It's just so much. She doesn't know about everything it makes me want to cry. She thought I didn;t care. I thought that she actually wanted to be like me. She acted like it. I thought she thought I was amazing. The only person in the world i thought that. I'm not amazing anymore. She looks at me like everyone else does. I feel like a knife just stabbed me in the heart.
Why do you love her. i can;t change her mind. WHen you said. {why did you have to mad at me that day. How is it my fault. It's not. I know that ,but some where in me wants to pretendit was my fault and give up my friendship of both of you so you can be together. Everytime we're at my house I'm thrown to the side. i don;t have to talk jst do whatever. We're too busy making out, Ellie. Just leave and go away or we'll just do it while your here. Let's go see ashleigh. Let's call Jordan. I just smiel and say ok. Bt I don't weant to do that. I hate that. it hurts. I'm going to give up on it. I'll just feel like crap everytime. I'm fine with it okay. The last time we were all thereI went in the other room to say how much I hated myself.i never saved you guys came in. Why Am I always put third or fourht or last. Why can;t anyone ever put me first. I feel selfish ,but I never am First I also last or close to last. I hate that. I never put qanyone first or second or third. i put everyone i the same place and cvan't choose between anyone ,but I'll just go whwere you put me. I'll be your last resort. I'm the only one you can talk to. That' sokay I want yout ot alk to me about your problems ,because then I'm put first. Even if it's just for an hour. If you love her so mcu then let's just go. I'll do it. Just so everyone is happy. I love you , ellie. Okay, I get it. I'm only good when I do somethign for you. THat's great. I'm not mad. i'm getting over getting mad at you. I hate being mad at anyone. I'm getting over it.
Just as long as I'm in a place. I don't mind ifI'm fouryth first third second. UJust as long as I have a place. Even if it's last.
 ACrimsonRevo · Thu Jan 31, 2008 @ 04:22am · 0 Comments |
