Dear Journal,
Driving home from work today I turned off the radio and had a conversation with God. There's this new guy at work, so it started out as me asking God not to let him have a girlfriend. Anyway, then it turned into a deeper prayer. I told God I felt like I needed a break from my crappy life. I asked why I had nothing: I was the good kid! I told Him I understood He made me the way He did for a reason... I just didn't know what that reason was. I told Him I understood there was a reason why He made me not able to have children. I asked Him what it was. Then a thought struck me: it was the passage in the Bible when God cursed Eve with the pain and labor of childbirth. I think God was telling me He did it to spare me the pain! And for the first time in six years I don't feel sad about my medical condition....
To prove my theory, I tried to think of myself with-child... and I couldn't! I no longer feel that need. Now, I still want children, but I'm no longer depressed that I can't have them naturally! I'm so happy I no longer feel that hatred and pain inside. It was eating me alive!
I does feel odd, however, not to feel that way anymore; I'm even trying to feel that way again, and I can't! I feel like I've missplaced something and can't find it, but it wasn't important, so I'm not fretting over it.
Loves and God's Best,
Tora-chan, Nya! =^w^= heart
 Tora Yukino · Tue Dec 18, 2007 @ 06:50am · 2 Comments |
