Songwriting! Tell me what you think? =/

[myheartbeats2hgb]

Some lyrics I wrote, working on setting them to music right now. Critique, if you will.

Remember Me?

I'm standing here at the door
On your familiar front porch
Everything is still the same
It's been a year, but nothing's changed

Have you missed me?
Have you thought of me at all?
Am I just another face?

Don't you remember
All the moments that we shared?
I was always right beside you
You were always there.
Don't you remember
How we made each other strong?
There was good and there was bad
But we still got through it all...
Remember me?

I've finally moved on
It took a year, but now I'm strong
But still I can't help thinking of
You and me, and first true love

Have you missed me?
Have you dreamed of me at all?
Am I just another girl?

Don't you remember
The day of our first kiss?
It was raining and you held me close
It's a memory I've missed
Don't you remember
That night when we stayed out so late?
On the bus ride home, I slept in your arms
And still you stayed awake...
Remember me?

And I know it's been a while
Since we broke each others' hearts
I forgive you, can you forgive me?
And can we go back to the start?

Don't you remember
That day I walked away?
You tried to explain
But still I thought of you that way
Don't you remember
The day you told me that you'd leave?
And I wouldn't admit I missed you
And I wouldn't let myself believe...
Don't you remember me?

 

[myheartbeats2hgb]

Oh, come ONNNN.

Somebody has to have an opinion!  

[xFairytale]

♥-♥-♥
&& IF THERE IS NO LIGHT TO SPARE
I SHALL LOVE HIM AT THE SPEED OF DARK


it's awesome! 4laugh
any idea of how it would sound set to music?
it sounds like a fast/slow mixed song to me. 3nodding

 

[NOCTVRNVS]

Considering it's only words, it lacks originality; I mean in the world of music we've all heard a thousand songs about the exact same thing. So, in this case, you will need memorable music to save the piece.

There are songs that are either really originally written, or really original musically. And then there are songs that are neither, and we call that "pop".

I mean I know that you wrote what you felt, that's great, that's what you have to do in music. But the thing is, it's just that everyone feels the same way at some point and thus everyone has written a song about it. Give this song you have started a good tune and don't give up, but try to draw inspiration from something else.

I find the best songs are about something strange or esoteric, reflecting the subject matter in the music in such a way that it creates the image that the writer desires. Such as Boyd Rice's "Watery Leviathan", it's inspirational and makes you feel strong, and at the same time references the mighty Biblical creature the Leviathan.  

[NOCTVRNVS]

Also, check out the track "Replica" by Sonata Arctica, it's about a similar subject as your piece here, and it shows that writing lyrics on overused subject matter CAN still end up making an amazing song in the end.  

[AmethystForever]

It's nice. I hope you can work on music to go with it. :3  

[Doc-Bot Ratchet]

that was pretty good,i like it!  

[Shatter-noise]

*o*
I love it~ heart  

[sublime_necromancer]

NOCTVRNVS

Considering it's only words, it lacks originality; I mean in the world of music we've all heard a thousand songs about the exact same thing. So, in this case, you will need memorable music to save the piece.

There are songs that are either really originally written, or really original musically. And then there are songs that are neither, and we call that "pop".

I mean I know that you wrote what you felt, that's great, that's what you have to do in music. But the thing is, it's just that everyone feels the same way at some point and thus everyone has written a song about it. Give this song you have started a good tune and don't give up, but try to draw inspiration from something else.

I find the best songs are about something strange or esoteric, reflecting the subject matter in the music in such a way that it creates the image that the writer desires. Such as Boyd Rice's "Watery Leviathan", it's inspirational and makes you feel strong, and at the same time references the mighty Biblical creature the Leviathan.

I agree with this whole-heartedly...this piece would probably be accepted by the masses...and probably end up an American Idol pick...but it's not original...if you're going for that kind of thing...great...if not...it needs work. Then again, I like a lot of satire...so songs like this would NEVER appeal to people who are into satire. Okay, okay, that's a generalization...but I'm confident a lot of people would agree with me.