This is going to be weird...

[Rune Wraith]

This post is going to be weird, and possibly rambling as I try to make sense of something thats been bugging me about my depression and anxiety. It may veer into strange territory, so fasten your seatbelts and hold tight.


Does your depression make sense to you?

I ask this because sometimes mine simply *doesn't.* I mean... when something horrible happens, when you're hurt, when things dont go as you hoped or planned... you kind of expect it. But then there are the other times, when your going along fine, holding your own and although there is apparently no trigger or cause for it, you find yourself slipping down that slope into depression.

I've noticed it sometimes when I'm doing ok, and somebody says something negative about you, and I've noticed it happen when good things occur, and I've noticed it sometimes when I am doing nothing more than reading a book or watching TV.

Or... there is a something that triggers a reaction in you that is far out of proportion to the actual cause.

Intellectually, you recognize it. You can say to yourself "Y'know... thats completely irrational, and it shouldn't be having this sort of effect on me." but emotionally, you really can't do anything about it. Its like a disconnect between your rational mind, and the center of your emotions: One has little effect on the other.

There are certain techniques that therapists use to help bolster confidence and promote 'positive thinking'... but what do you do if the positive thinking really has no effect on you?

We all perceive the world in different ways from one another, but we also perceive the world in different ways through our own eyes. We see the world in a rational way, and that is very much the level on which relate to every other person. The rational mind is based on observable and provable facts that can be shared between different people, right? You know, for example, that if you walk down the street and pass 1000 people, the odds are that most of them aren't going to hurt you, so why do we fixate on the 1 or 2 that would? Rationally, the odds are in your favor.

But emotionally, we cannot really relate to others except through your *own* emotions. You can read the same facts as another person, but you cannot feel the same emotion that they feel. If a person says "I love you" you can't know to what degree that is true. If I person says "I hate you" you run into the same problem. In some cases, a person who tells you that they hate you might be better for you, and a truer friend than someone who says they love you.

Emotions are very personal things... words can't really express them in a way that others can relate to. It takes art, or poetry, or music: Things that communicate through an emotional reaction rather than simple information.

It always bothers me, then, when people tell me "Think Positive!" because to me, it doesn't work, and people have a hard time understanding that just because it works for them doesn't mean it will work for me. If it was as simple as that, I wouldn't be suffering from depression, would I? They know, Intellectually, as I do, that the depression is simple not rational... but to them, to a person who doesn't suffer from depression, they can turn it around by 'looking on the bright side' of things (*hums the Monty Python song from Life of Brian*). They can't conceive of the actual emotional turmoil within someone who simply *can't* do that.

Where am I going with this? I don't know... like I said, I'm just trying to make sense of things.

In a way, it reminds me of magical theory. Isaac Bonewits, when he made his list of 'the laws of magic', discussed what he called 'personal universes'... that is, the universe not as it is seen, but as it is perceived. No two people perceive the universe in exactly the same way...

...and if that is true, there are people out there that are farther removed from the way you perceive your universe than others. They will not, no matter how much they might *want* to, be able to comprehend what you are experiencing.

The stumbling point there is that Bonewits also notes that you can 'change your perception' of your personal universe... but he doesn't give an indication of *how* this might be done. If it is simply a re-tread of 'The power of positive thinking* then I don't really see how it can be done.

So, the question I am left with is this: How do you get your emotions to correspond to your intelligence? How can you get them to react in a way that makes sense to your rational mind? How can we reconnect these two parts of ourselves?

I, for one, am sick about feeling guilty when I've done nothing wrong, sick of feeling depressed when nothin bad is happening, sick of feeling anxious when there isn't any stress.

*sighs*

Wanna know something sad? I got depressed just thinking about this whole mess that I wrote. I'm going to post it before I just delete it forever...  

[Merrin Spicer]

Heh. Emotions and rationality, my dear, do not mix. As much as humans try to make them mix, they do not. I always overreact to the dumbest things, and I look back and wonder, "Why the ******** did I do that?" Simple: because your emotional state compels you to do such. Don't worry. I wonder such things myself. And depression does make sense. It is an emotion. Emotions exist; therefore, it makes some sort of sense (then again, I exist, and I don't make any sense at all).  

[jandlholmes]

I tried to live without emotions once. Way back in my youth. I thought if I don't feel things then I won't get hurt. But it's impossible not to feel. It's how you react to how you feel that gets you in trouble. I suffer from depression pretty badly (enought to be on a lot of meds & counseling). I try not to sweat the big stuff and to try and live in the moment. If I focus on the past or the future I just get too upset. Emotions are what makes us human so don't try to hide them but be cautious of them and make sure they are appropriate for the situation. Like just because somebody doesn't call you doesn't mean they don't like you it may just mean that they are busy so call them and ask them to coffee. biggrin  

[ObscureEnigma]

Funny. I am doing a research paper on emotions and rationality, so to speak. I have also discovered that it is difficult to connect emotions and rationality. I assume that the two do not collide at all. And I also tried (in vain) not to feel emotions. It is a totally unhealthy way to live. Trust me. I felt myself melting inside when I tried that.  

[poggles]

I figure the emotions we can't do anything about. All we can do is channel them in the right direction (that being the logical side of us) and end up doing the best we can.

That said, it's hard to do.

At the moment I'm aiming to twist depression into caring about my friends more, and into doing more schoolwork (mainly ceramics work - ART!! biggrin ) by using logical progression of thought.
eg. I feel terrible.
Talking to my friends and cheering them up makes me happy as well.
Not helping my friends when they feel sad makes me feel worse.
So, help them. smile Even if it doesn't work, it stops me feeling bad about not helping them, and gives me the chance of feeling better.

I don't know how well that's working though, it needs some modification. But on the whole it should work, I just have to find the balance between letting them cheer ME up and worrying about them. >.<

Or I'm just totally WRONG, either way. I can still try razz  

[Reptiliac]

will the flood behind me?

Oh, this is beautiful, in many ways.
If you want me to comment, and if you don't, I will anyways.

You state that it's impossible for two people two share the same emotion level, yes?
Well, that's true, and we know that.
But what you just typed, in the first post, was emotional on a level of two people compreheanding it together.
That's the beauty in this topic, (This has to be my favorite of the topics in this sub-forum).

My statement other than the above is this:
I'm suicidle and I know what it's like to feel when down when nothing happens and when I should have the "right" to feel depressed.
What's different about me that others wont ever be able to understand is that I like feeling suicidle.
I love the feeling that I could end it whenever I want and the outcome would be huge.

(I've got a problem with control.
I grew up isolated from the outside world as best my parents could,
It was an overprotection error.
I learned things of the world not to long ago,
My freshman year of high school was when I really was openned up and tore to shreads, ((last year)).
I never had any control over anything then when I figured I was depressed last year that I've been depressed as far back as I can remember,
Made me relize that nothing is for my favor and blah, blah, blah.
Hence, I'm a control freak who lets others stomp all over me.)

But that's not all.
I'm the person that people came to when they wanted help,
And I'm very intuitive.
Psycology and counciling are the only things in this world that give me pleasure.
Sadly if I'm to feel depressed, how will I be able to help others?
I've grown worse since the begining of this past year, much worse.
I thought I was bad off before, but boy was I wrong.
Now, I'm just dissappointed that I can't be both depressed and a counciler to others at the same time;
So I chose to be depressed.

put out the fire inside?

 

[Quirinia]

I'm a depressed councilor. Honestly, I think it helps me understand others, and it certainly heightens my creative output.

I'd post more, but I'm really hungry, and that's interfering with my brainmeats.

Oh, and depression isn't caused by thoughts, but by hormones. Can't think those to behave. (I have two hormonal problems--hypothyroidism and major depressive disorder, so listen to what I'm sayin'.)

Seriously, though, I'm hungry.  

[Merrin Spicer]

Depression caused entirely by hormones? I am sorry, sweetheart, but that is a completely asinine comment. In fact, it has to be the most asinine thing that I have heard in my life. People react to situations, sweetie. Hormones indeed are a major factor in being depressed, but I believe that the major cause of "depression" is the series of situations that a person has been in. It is how a person reacts to the situations, which surely cannot all be hormonal. It has to do with one's mentality; it has to do with the situation at hand. There are all of these causes to depression, and you think that it is all hormones. Sweetie, you're off your rocker on this one.