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 Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:00 am
My foot is sleeping
I remember how your cold toes touched mine
My head is aching
I remember how I used to rest it on your shoulder
My breath is non-existant
I remember how you always took it away
My ears are ringing
I remember how your voice used to fill them
My lips are cracking
I remember how your lips never seemed to want to leave them
My hands are shaking
I remember how you never held them
I was sitting on my mathlesson and doing... pretty much everythin except maths... Came to think about my last relationship and somehow realised that we never ever held each others hands... O.o So here is the result of that thought...
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 8:43 am
just a small critique and thats the "I remembered" thing was a little redundant, you could of tried something else, something like, "then it hit me that" or possibly even "then i thought ablout it and" nothing to big, i hope i didnt offend....
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:13 pm
Semi_Sanc just a small critique and thats the "I remembered" thing was a little redundant, you could of tried something else, something like, "then it hit me that" or possibly even "then i thought ablout it and" nothing to big, i hope i didnt offend.... Of course you didn't offend, I posted it to get some constructive sritique! 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 5:46 pm
Your poem is very insightful. I love it! It really hits home for me. smile Great job! Read mine...they aren't too personal, but I have more I will post later. smile More indepth ones. smile
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 2:55 am
Sharima Your poem is very insightful. I love it! It really hits home for me. smile Great job! Read mine...they aren't too personal, but I have more I will post later. smile More indepth ones. smile Thanks I'm really glad you liked it heart
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