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 Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 8:03 am
yep, me again. this is related to my previous post, though. here's the deal, i'll make it simple:
sometimes i get mad at him for something he says or does, then he gets mad because i'm mad [call it "anger bcs i don't understand why u r angry" situation]. and so, we ramble on, both of us pissed and neither stepping down...it's not good. i really dislike it when things get like this. we hang up on bad terms and i have to sleep over it [problem is, like that, i don't rest much. so really it's as if i didn't sleep]. i used to hide my anger precisely because of this, and now i show it sometimes. outcomes point to "should have stayed hiding it". but i don't wanna. i get tired of hiding things. it pisses me off how i have to swallow my anger and yet when he gets angry [note, outside me gettiing mad] i have to swallow that too! scream it's not fair! but if i confront him when i'm angry, then he gets angry because of it. usually this happens during the week, and on the weekend [when i get to see him ::no, i don't get to see him all week::] then i'm all happy and all bcs i'm with him. then he goes and says: "why do u get bitchy during the week, but when u r with me on the weekend it's all peaches and cream as if nothing had happened?" it kinda bothers me that he says that. usually he doesn't apologize when i get angry, mostly bcs he thinks he didn't do anything wrong. but thenif he hadn't, why would i be angry?
so, yeah, short story here: i get angry=he gets angry. i hide my emotions, i still have to cope with his being mad sometimes. i wanna let it out, but that = i get mad and so does he. so....what do i do?
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Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 7:01 am
Hi, I don't know all the details about your relationship, but maybe I can help. Take some time, when you're not angry, to think about what sets you off. Think about the different things he says or does that make you angry. Is it one thing or many? Try to make a list. Next try to think of the things you have said or done to make him angry. You said that he gets angry when you confront him. Are you saying things that you shouldn't really be saying? Make a list of the things that you think that you do to make him angry. Now, when your calm and both of you are in a private place together, talk to him about it. If you both want for your relationship to work, then you'll find common ground.
Another tip is to try to not end an angry phone conversation while both of you are angry. I bet that he looses sleep over it as well. Try to find some peace before you hang up.
Hope that this works for you and you don't mind me posting it.
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Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 10:32 am
not at all. i'm glad there's ppl out there who can give me some advice. i'll try that list thing. might indeed help. he has said that sometimes i do the very things i claim he does to me that get me mad, so i should indeed think about evrything that i do that might bug him. THANKS, ABREENA!
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Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:17 am
Another thing you can do besides making a list is just spend time with him and figure out the little things he does. You can meditate for a little bit and calm yourself down or punch a pillow, scream, then call him back and say you're sorry for being bitchy. You have to be able to recognize when you are angry and cope with the anger to help the relationship. Once you can control your anger and release it in a safe way then you won't have it cooped up as much. If you're not in a place where you can scream or attack a pillow or something then you could do other phisical activities like jogging around the block or if you have a dog, go take him/her for a walk but make sure you call him up and figure out who should admit they're sorry or else you'll always hold a grudge agenst him or feel guilty.
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Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 2:26 pm
well if he gets angry at you because he got you angry thats just wierd.. he should be the one apologizing. Talk to him about it dont keep it inside you ,you cant be hiding forever.
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