Welcome to Gaia! ::

I wish to tell you a story, that will lead to a resoultion and hopefully a solution for you. Mind you, that I do not wish that everyone will read this, but I see it nessecary, for this is my past, that is currently like your own, but different. The story is in dark blue, you can ither choose to read it or not. My advice is in red.

When I was eleven, my best friend that I loved in the how world committed suicide. For weeks, I went without sleep, eat, nor drink. I was cold inside, a place that should have been numb, but was to filled with sorrow, in the sorrow I found my only friend - pain. Not just any type of pain, self inflicted. I did not do drugs, nor did I take to alcohol, I took to self mutulation - that was my "drug." I became addicted to the pain, to the bleeding, for in just a nano second, I felt mental relief.

I was in this state for years, than when I was thirteen, I was kidnapped by a so called "friend of the family." For days I was gone, trapped in a state of permintate physical torture. The man beat me, raped me, and stole my virginity. Finally, I got away and never told a soul about what happened to me, until a few months later when my period stopped coming. When I soon realized that I was with child. I started to feel something other than pain, a hope that blossemed inside of me - that for once there would be someone to finally love me. Unconditionally.

I stopped cutting when I found out, that I was pregnant. Within my six month of the pregnancy, I saw the guy that raped me. He knew that I was with child, and that the child that was growing within my womb was his. He beat me again, within an inch of my life. When I awoke, I was in the hospital, I didn't know how many days that I had been there. All I knew was that I had lost the one thing that gave me hope. To a man, a man that was a *****, a rapist of little girls, to a man that was a murderer. To a man that wasn't really a man at all, but a monster.

The police came to my hospital room that night, and I confessed to them what had happened. I even told them about the rape. My family didn't know what to do or say. So I was left alone in the torment of losing everything that I held dear in the world. When I finally was able to see passed the rape and the torment of losing not only a dear friend but I child aswell. I learned something new, that I could help others who are more or less like me. Who have lived a life not of their chosing.

First, I would go to your family, tell them that you where raped, than tell them that you are with child. If they want you to get an abortion, tell them that you do not wish too, that although the childs father may be a monster, that the little one growing inside of you is not. Ask them for help and support in raising the child. And I do mean, sit down with ALL of them, at the same time if you can, it will make it less tramatic for you that you don't have to retell the story over and over.

Secondly, once you have gotten your family out of the way, call the police and file a report. It is the best action to take and will make you feel so much better. Knowing that the man that raped you, will not do it to some other victim.

I would also talk to your mother about her type of relationships. They aren't healthly for her or for anyone. Alcoholic relationships often land in abuse and some in death.

Depression, is a nasty little bugger that is with some people throughout their whole lives. But with help, not just from antidepressants, but also with a good ear, you can over come it.

Good luck to you. And if you need me. I will be here, just send a PM whenever you are in need of a listenor or a friend.

#1 the fact that ur scared that u wont be enough is a good sign, when i was 17 i had spent the night at my dealers house, the next morning i woke up naked i got dressed and went home christmas eve i realize im late, ok pregnacy test, oh s**t 2 lines, took a** hole to court but that never went anywhere(im not saying you shouldnt try you need to)neway so i became single mom got jobs went to school the moral of this story i now have a smart happy 3 yr old and on top of it i got married(my husband adopted my son so he has his last name)neways u can make it no such thing as a perfect parent(just do what i do the exact oppoiste of anything my parnets did) good luck you can make it pm me if u want to tyalk about it k

My sympathy is with you in you're current situation. As far as the abortion goes, I'm really not going to give you advice because I don't think that my advice would help your current situation at all. But you should definitely report the guy who raped you, as the others said, scum like that doesn't belong on the planet. About your parents...that's a whole issue right there. I am also depressed (along with the whole suicide crap), have been since second grade, and my parents still don't know. The thing about your dad is, he'll always tell your younger sisters how great they are because they are younger than you or they really just don't understand depression in the least. Young kids need to hear positive things otherwise they will get discouraged too, so I wouldn't worry about that too much (although that's easier said than done). As for your mom, she has no right to kick you out of the house after all the stupid stuff she's done to you. At least you had a good reason for everything, she was just lonely...you were abused...there's a difference. She either needs to suck up her loneliness and deal with it or find someone who's half decent or she could spend time with you and actually try to be a mother! Although, if I were you I would try to find some way so you don’t have to live with your mother. I know everyone else has said that you shouldn't live with your father because of your depression, and it's understandable. However, being 15 and all, I really don't see much more of a choice. I hope that this helps at least a little, even though I don't have as much personal experience. Good luck to you. heart

Have faith in yourself, and have faith in God.

You can do like so many people do, and just pick up the bible. I'm not saying you have to. I've never read "the Good Book" myself.

Have faith, and be strong. Do not let anyone take the child from you. Start carrying some form of protection with you. If your mother finds out, she may try to do something about it... or she may ask her new "man" to do something about it. I would suggest both pepper spray and a knife. Pepper spray to the eyes, then a quick stab with the knife to a shoulder or the ankle (preferrably the Achilles Tendon (just above the heel)). It is all a matter of self defence, and the most likely thing to be done is they remove you from the area. Possibly find some more distant relatives.

I am hurt by your story, and obviously I am having trouble correlating all of my thoughts, so forgive me if I am not making much sense.

Just be prepared to take any step necessary to keep yourself and your child safe. Finish highschool, any way possible, apply for "Welfare" and food stamps if you need to. Provisions need to be made at this point in your life, and you need to make them. If your family is of no use to you, drop them. Let them rot in the filth that they have brought unto themselves. All that matters now is you and your child. Remember how terrible they made you feel, and make a promise, on your life and soul, that you will do your best to let your child be happy. Do not follow the patterns, and do not accept things for how they are. Even if the "man" who raped you does not get sent to jail, you can legally force him into paying child support, while maintaining full custody of you son/daughter. If at all possible, leave your home state, and do not let your family know where you are going. Possibly see about stopping in one state, and then going to a completely different one. Change your name.

All your family can do now, if they choose to stand against you, is to hurt you and your baby. You must protect yourself and your child. Remember what it was that happened in your life, and make sure that your child never has to experience the things you have had to. If it becomes possible, take some courses part time at a junior college and get some sort of degree. You'll get a better job, and make more, and be able to pay for things easier.

Mind you money is not required for happiness, but better jobs also tend to have health coverage as well.

wow. your story. its just wow. it makes me realize that my life is better then i thought. but as for you and your baby, you dont have to kill him/her and you dont have to keep him/her either. i know it might make you feel bad but once your baby is born you should but him/her um for adoption. but before all of that, you will need to to tell your mom. though, your diagnosed with depression, you still should take the consequences of your actions. now i know getting pregnant was not your fault, but still it partly is. i know fer sure you dont want to hear that but it is sweetie. if you would have walked away from the drugs the man offered you, no matter how much you didnt want to, you still should have. so explain to your mom exactly whats happening in your life and she should understand. after all, she is your mother and no matter what your do, she will always love you. even if it doesnt seem like she does. but... when tell her your story, leave the pregnancy thing for the end, or you can just show her your post and she should understand.

ill try to keep it simple.1st do not abort just because your having the baby dosent mean it is your life to take away.
2nd if things at home are realy as bad as you say leave go to a friend or someone close that you trust.
im not trying to preach or anything but maybe you should confide in your faith whatever it is ive have noticed generaly people who seek comfort from their god are more likly to find it.
sorry im not much help ave never been in that situation.