~Triggers Warning~
Read at your own risk


Morning on the seventh day always came far too early when he had spent the entire week working before that. All he wanted was sleep, but his sister and his brother, well they were still at the age where play was foremost in their minds and Rizdax couldn’t blame them. When a pair of knees hit his back, bony and small and unbelievably heavy despite the small human they belonged to, the eleven turn old rolled over with something close to a growl so that Izrad fell to the side. Xazri, to her credit, didn’t hop on him but the flop she gave onto the hay beside him was enough to send him into sneezing fits and he was forced to sit up and rub his nose against them. With watery eyes he peered at his younger siblings and sighed at the toothy grins presented him.

“Aren’t your mattresses more comfortable? You have to come jump on me?” Riz managed beyond the sneezing in a hoarse voice. Laughter met his posed questions and he hadn’t really expected a response from them other than that and he drug himself up with a groan, pulling the oversized shirt he wore a bit tighter with the belt he’d discarded the night before. At only 4’7” he was towered over by his younger sister who was already tall enough to reach plenty of things from the upper cabinets of the small shack-like house the three called home, he wore clothes that he’d managed to hold onto when their father left but they were far too large. Running fingers over the fresh scar he’d also been left on his cheek he gave a small inward sigh and stretched before he shooed at them. “Go and do something, I’ll get breakfast ready in a bit. Best stay close, i think we only have mush again.” Rizdax’s back cracked loudly when he pushed at it, eliciting a groan, “I’ll get some marks tomorrow to get you guys something real, I promise.”

“Xaz has a question for you!” Izrad spoke up in a crowed voice, the pride there was hard to miss and he turned back a bit so he could look at the pair out of his narrowed right eye, suspicious of what was about to come. Hair almost standing on end, Xazri clapped a hand over the youngest’s mouth in horror and his expression may have played a part in such a reaction.

Turning around fully so he could take in both of them with his pale gold eyes, Rizdax lifted one of his eyebrows at them and lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “You can always ask me anything Xaz, what do you need?” In his mind it was always a need, there was just so little that he could give them that his younger siblings were always in need of something or other. While it made him feel as though he were a failure he was getting older even if he hadn’t gotten taller in turns, so that meant he would be stronger and able to take on more work to get even more marks. Hopefully that would mean less needs and more wants in the future, for Riz wanted to give them as much as he could to set them up for success.

Casting one more glare at her little brother the tall redhead looked at her older brother with pleading brown eyes which instantly melted him and made his stomach flip with worry, “Well, you know my nameday is coming up in a month or so and I was wondering if I could... well if you would let me..” she trailed off quietly which just killed him a bit inside. His younger sister shouldn’t have felt this way, as if she couldn’t say anything and everything to him, was he responsible for this response?

“Oh yeah? What was it you wanted to do?” Rizdax had been saving up marks for months for her nameday and if he could he meant to get her and Izrad both a large bubbly pie to celebrate. Sweets were rare for the two kids and it made them both a bit sad when their friends ate some in front of them, he had seen that more than once. Clearly there was something else that had been niggling at his younger sister though.

“I... I know which craft I want to try, want to follow!” Determination flashed across her face so suddenly that his eyes widened a bit in response and he simply nodded his head dumbly. Had she... gotten so big, so old already? It seemed as if it were only the day before that she had been so small beside him and he had needed to protect her. “I heard a dragonrider talking about the dolphin handlers down south, supposedly there’s a whole hall that trains people to work with dolphins and I want to see the ocean so bad! I’ll work really hard to earn the right to train with them, I’ll work with you and do all the chores you do. Maybe if we can earn the marks I could pay a caravan and a ship down there? Please Rizzy? I just want to go try, if it doesn’t work out I’ll come right back up and I’ll send tons of letters and... and... please? Please big brother?”

It bubbled from her once she’d started, making him sit heavily on the dirt floor, legs crossed as he looked at her face soberly. Of course she was old enough to go and work in a hall towards a craft, what had he been filling her head with thoughts of since she was old enough to understand the weight of it? It had always been his hope that they would choose their own paths and Xazri had always talked of the ocean that their father had taken them to see once, it was her favorite memory. Though a numb feeling had settled over his chest when he’d realized what she was talking about, his sister deserved an answer, his only sister..

“Of course!” A smile spread over his face to hide the pain that had settled into his gut, “Like I’d ever hold you back from that!? Dimglow. I’ll talk to some masters at the local Hall and see if they know what we need to do. Don’t you worry about working to help, just keep dreaming about dolphins, I know you’ll make a great handler!” His hoarse voice was now only slightly the fault of the pile of hay he called his bed and more from the feelings coursing though him. Worry at the forefront of them all.

Squealing laughter came from both of them at his assent, Izrad just as excited as his sister was that he had approved, clearly. While he might have otherwise shooed them away again so he could get his scrambled thoughts and emotions under control, Riz instead caught his younger brother’s gaze tightly and held it.

“What about you? Been thinking where you want to go or what you want to do yet?”

“Of course! I’m going with you! Wherever that is, I’m not leaving.” the normally reserved little boy puffed up his chest proudly and bravely, casting an impish look at his older sister as if he was accusing her. When Xaz poked it he simply let out his held breath in a fit of giggles and lunges for her playfully. His sister was far too quick though, up in an instant and running out of the door with laughter and a face full of joy. “Thank you Rizzy! Thank you PERN! I’m gonna be a Dolphin Handler!” she shouted just as she ran out, arms in the air.

Izrad ran after her after he righted himself and suddenly stalled in the shadows of the doorway. Slowly he turned and looked back at Riz with wide eyes and pain all over his face.

“It’s not your fault.” the voice sounded too old for that particular morning, it was... it was the voice from...

Lurching to his feet, Rizdax threw him towards his brother with his hands out as the sky fell down upon them. “Stop blaming yourself!” His brother screamed, his face panicked and pained as he fell lifeless to the Thread that rained down on him.

Opening his mouth to scream his brother’s name he found that his voice was gone and the ground below his feet was sinking, pulling him under. Struggling against it, hands reaching out desperately as he was pulled under, Rizdax kept his eyes on his brother’s lifeless form as he screamed silently and was sucked underneath the ground at last.

- - - -

With a heave Rizdax rolled out of his cot into the cold stone floor, tears streamed down his face and the contents of his stomach roiled violently. Phin appeared by his head in a chittering flurry of fear and concern as his bonded fought his arm free of the blankets twisted around him so he could grab the bucket beneath his cot. Wrenching one out of the blanket it snapped to the wooden bucket the healers had given him for his issues and his stomach proceeded to empty into it as the scent of blood clogged his nose, all the while trying to be quiet for the Candidates around him who had managed to stay asleep. Once he’d finally finished he realized the blood was his own, having bitten through part of his tongue and his lip when he’d landed.

Coughing blood and foul tastes into his hands, Riz extricated himself from the rest of his sweat soaked blanket and folded it swiftly, placing it on his bed gently. Turning he grabbed the little fire lizard and wandered out of the barracks towards the healers, hoping at least one would wake to look at the blood pooling in his mouth, memories of the dream following behind him in the form of ghostly laughter.

Just a dream within a memory. Just a shadow now...