[PRP] Trying To Make A Right (Menankith/Neiveth)

[Meepfur]

He had been selfish, to do as he did. It had been the right thing, for him and His, and yet a part of him feared - knew - that it had been the wrong choice. Dishonorable, to begin to pay suit to Neiveth only to give his attentions to another. But he had never been able to swallow telling a lie. To see a truth, and deny it. Wouldn't that, too, have been deceitful? Wrong? Has there been a right choice at all, or had he simply been stuck between two wrong choices? Or was he only making excuses for himself? In those moments in the Flight, he had been so afraid that if he missed this one chance to win Macuith, there would never be another, and he would lose him forever. Maybe that would or would not have been the case, but to live with that hurt, that regret, for always... He was deeply confused, and combined with all his recent frustrations in the wake of their first full Fall, he was in a turmoil. He had what he had desperately wanted and should have been happy, hopeful, but instead he was making himself miserable. For all the fervor and conviction he possessed on certain subjects, he was still just a young, inexperienced dragon, searching for a place and a way in the world he so wanted to change for the better...but along the way, he had made a mistake, and it was eating him up inside. Perhaps that was what he deserved.

He had wanted almost immediately, once he had come fully to his senses, to go before her and apologize, prostrate himself if necessary, but he knew that he had to wait. He could not interrupt her while she might still be in the company of the suitor she had chosen: the suitor who deserved her, as he did not. So too he did not dare ask to visit her on her ledge, as it was her private, personal space, where he did not belong. It would have been far too presumptuous, an intrusion. He waited to catch her elsewhere, perhaps in the Bowl or by the lake, and when she did not look otherwise engaged.

And when he finally did, Menankith approached slowly, with a low and slinking posture, and if she gave any indication that she did not want him any closer, would stop abruptly and press himself to the ground. He looked for all the world like a canine that had been caught chewing something inappropriate and kicked for it. He was one conflicted, miserable brown, and it hurt. His eyes held an even mix of yellow and gray, flecked by stray bits of white. Neiveth, I- I owe you an apology for which there are no words. But if she looked, which he left himself open to, all the guilt and confusion and pain were there, as he bared his mind for her judgement. If there is anything you would have of me that might even begin to make up for what I did, you have only to ask. But I will understand if that is not possible, and if what you wish is to never see or hear from me again, I will do my best to stay from your sight.

Which was the answer he expected to receive, in all honesty.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

Her boy was sick. Neiveth understood to some degree that it was her doing, but it hadn't meant she'd taken responsibility for it. She'd entertained Alucarth's company for as long as he wanted to lay about her ledge with her, but he'd not been kept for longer than a few days before she was once again attentive to her dearest, her only. V'kenti had checked in on him repeatedly, but he was only feeling mildly better. While G'lin had come to the ledge to offer her his love and adoration - never faltering, ever devoted, and only or her - he soon had been whisked back to eat and rest.

And she, for the first time in a few days, took from her ledge. She offered no trills or bugles of sweet song as she had made her way to the lake, a silent figure alone in the sky for once in a very rare while. Usually there were those of her wing she was entertaining, or those she would lure to join her in a flight as she had just days ago or....her G'lin. She sent him waves of love, hopeful balms for his burning mind. A small affectionate nudge back did wonders for her, though it still left her hearts aching. As she landed in the sand, she looked so sad, so somber compared to her bright, flighty self she usually strutted about, and the approach of the brown perhaps made her look all the gloomier.

She gave Menankith an appraising look as he slunk close, and had she been in a brighter mood, she would have looked about to see if there were other eyes watching for how silly it would have appeared. She, but a small green putting a brown that was nearly double her size into such fearful stances. It would have been so funny to her - but right then, it was not. Even though it was opened to her, Neiveth did not pry into his mind, though she seemed almost unenthusiastic with his words.

Oh, he was so young, but...so was she. He, barely even old enough to chase her and now he was racked with guilt and so many other feelings that were simply unsuitable. She sighed deeply as she stretched out her wings, leaving them still partially extended as she approached his cowing form. Her eyes whirled between a murky grey and a purple that leaned bluer than usual as she used her wings to pull the young brown's head up against her chest so she could dote upon him. Affection - though not of the kind she'd showered him in when she'd risen - was given openly across the mental wave she opened. It would perhaps be more like a mother, comforting their child.

Are you saddened by your desires? Or were they everything you wanted? Tell me if they made you happy. his apologies were swept aside, or perhaps, she was getting exactly what she wanted from him for his desired penance.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Her reaction was...not at all what he'd expected.  He did not protest when she embraced him - though he would not have even if she had struck him instead - and sighed against her, relief flooding into him as days of pent-up tension were released.  He had so feared that he had done a terrible, unforgivable thing in following his hearts, that achieving his desire, his love, had caused hurt to someone that, while not well-known and dear to him, was no less good a soul.  That she embraced him now was proof of that.

And it was an unfamiliar feeling to be held as though he were a child, nevermind that he was larger than she.  By his own choosing, he had never been close to his mother, never more than distantly cordial, because much like his sister Zenobiath, she was to him an avatar of the system that he hated.  He had never really given her a chance, an oversight that he was, perhaps, on the verge of realizing, now having been in and...enjoyed the company of Viandarth.

Though he barely knew Neiveth, he did not hesitate to answer her questions, matter how deeply personal they were.  He had promised her anything, and so he gave it readily. I am only saddened that it took me so long to realize them.  That I did not know until I...I thought I might lose him.  I feel a fool for not seeing my own hearts. Menankith had always been terribly caught up in himself, in his need to change the world, preoccupied with how and frustrated that as a weyrling he could do nothing, that even once he graduated it would likely be turns and turns more, and he had missed so much! I love Macuith, and Viandarth- Viandarth is a good dragon.

It did not disturb him to share his blue love, that Macuith had feelings for both him and Viandarth.  He had no solid preconceived notions of what love 'should' be, as his bonded's had always been vague and uncertain, and so the possibility of someone having more than one love caused no disquiet in him.  It was certainly too early to say that he had feelings for the bronze himself, but he...appreciated him.  Saw him as unique, for his ready acceptance of him.  It had all seemed simple enough to the brown, at least until his dearest green sister had approached him - that was the first indication he'd had that it might be odder or more complicated than he'd thought.  He was beginning to see that there was much that he had not seen, not understood - including that pursuing what felt right, no matter how well-intentioned, could result in collateral damage.  He was learning quite a lot, in a rather short space of time for such heavy revelations. I am happy, was the answer he finally decided on, But also confused.

There were just...so many feelings.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

That joy is more pure than anything I could have given you if you had stayed in pursuit, Neiveth assured with all of the bountiful love she was filled with, caressing his mind like a mother stroking their child's hair. She certainly was no such thing, but he seemed so stressed and uncertain about all of the recent events in his life that clearly that's what sort of shoulder she was going to offer up.

He was full of a lot of feelings, it seemed. Confusion is a fair thing to feel, Menankith. Is there anything I can do to ease it for you? she inquired. Ah, she had never suffered such confusions and any who had desired her had been clearly informed of her own feelings on such matters. Being unattached in the hearts in such a way had been for her, liberating. But not all could live that way and she knew it.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Thank you. Menankith could not describe the relief it was to have Neiveth's blessing, of sorts. I am sorry that I had such poor timing. There was so much I did not understand.

I...I do not know, he answered. I do not know if anyone can ease it. Somehow, though he had come to Neiveth to apologize and offer reparations, he was now leaning against her - more figuratively than literally, given the difference in size between them - held up by an overflowing love. I love Macuith, but I did not know that...Cynosuth had feelings for me, and I- maybe I had feelings for her. But we told each other wrong, and it hurt, and now I don't know what to do. Were there feelings still, could there be, or were they too badly battered to salvage?

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

Oh, her sweet spring child. There was certainly so much to do, now wasn't there? Neiveth thrummed, nuzzling her snout up against Menankith's forehead affectionately. You found it out precisely when you needed to. she paused, before adding quietly, Though you should recuse yourself from a conversation instead of dropping it in the middle of a sentence. That was a bit impolite. The green offered a wave of humor to show that she was absolutely not upset with him. Certainly, she'd been upset in flight, but...a flight was a flight, and she'd worked that out of her system.

For his new problem, however, she quietly hemmed and hawed - something she'd seen G'lin do when he was trying to decide how he was going to set about a series of tasks in the most time efficient way. How did she...go about this? You come to me, a near stranger to beg forgiveness for following your happiness. I should think you are made of the right stuff to go to this dear one of yours and offer a place of reparation. If it eats at you, it is the right thing for you to do, dear. It seemed he'd had quite the spectacle of the last few days. If you do not try, do you think she will feel she has a place to?

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

He sighed again into her affectionate touches, which at that moment were precisely what he needed. He had not been without affection, without a listening and sympathetic mind, for he had both Macuith and Viandarth, and had sought out Fenrith for advice and comfort, and during their daily tasks kept close to Aurinkoth for his pure sunshine, yet somehow what Neiveth offered was different, and every bit as vital: a mother's love, and a female perspective, given with no judgement and a much-needed dose of good humor. I promise that I will remember that, in the future.

At the time, he had been so utterly starstruck, but yes. That had definitely been impolite.

I do not know what to say, he lamented. What if it goes wrong again? I have never hurt like that. And, in a way, it had been absolutely terrifying...and fear was something he had felt very little of in his relatively short life. Hers did say that it is because she...needs to Rise. Would it be better if I waited until after? Do you think she would feel better? Maybe she would be less...less...whatever that had been.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

It seemed the lake was giving the poor boy all sorts of flip flopped experiences that week, now wasn't it? The insight that Cynosuth was supposedly due to the rise was an interesting one. Ah. I see. Unfortunately, she'll only rise when she herself is good and ready to, no matter how her body feels about it. I've seen girls who wait turns to do it. So waiting on that may not be advisable. Though she understood why Menankith may have thought this was the best idea.

Give her some time to settle first. A wound bleeds to clean it, even if it hurts. A day, maybe two. If she reaches out in that time, be willing to take it. If she does not, be willing to reach out. it was solid advice as far as Neiveth was concerned. Not all girls were fickle in her ways, and some were even more so, but....a sweet boy like this wouldn't have lamented over hurting a disastrous and unworthy green.

That will also give you time to think of what you would say. It may not work out at all - but you will feel better to have tried than to let it fester.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Turns? Menankith was rather alarmed by that bit of information. If this 'proddiness' thing was indeed what had driven sweet Cynosuth to be...that, the idea that she or anyone might wait turns to Rise was rather disquieting, to say the least. And it made him very, very glad he was a boy. Just. Yikes! I will not wait too long, then.

Even if it did frighten him that he or she would hurt again, that it might even be worse...but he could not hide. That had never been who he was. I do not know if she will ever want to see me again. And that...that was frightening, too, the thought of being without her and everything they had been. To think about her in a past tense. In the thick of all those moments, he had started to, because it had simply hurt too much. But I will try. I'm not good at words for these things. I do not know the right ones, and they get all twisted, but you are right. Perhaps, if I have more time to think about them first, they will be better.

If he could hold onto them, and not lose them to a tide of emotion.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

Of course, for a young green to wait turns to rise would have been at least slightly unusual if they were ready in body. Perhaps it was that certain feelings felt unsettled. Ah, or perhaps indecisiveness? Menankith already had so many ways his hearts wanted to go, would it be so strange to guess that young Cynosuth, with so many potential handsome suitors, felt similarly?

Though Rising, or lack of, would not fix that.

Your hearts are in the right place and I am certain she will feel that. Neiveth hoped it sounded assuring - as it was meant to be. Of course, it could still all catch on fire because of something or other, but she wanted in her hearts for everything to be alright in this little brown's life. Even if he was practically a stranger to her.

She oozed this confident assurance into his mind to hopefully bolster his confidence even if just a bit.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

That confident assurance was much-needed by brown, who had been feeling quite acutely the absence of his own confidence. Self-doubt was a very rare feeling for him, and to be so suddenly and deeply afflicted by it had left him at a total loss amidst the roiling mix of all of these newly-discovered feelings, so many of them sad and dark. Neiveth might have been a stranger, but she didn't seem it - so loving and open, so willing to listen and give, even to him.

He did not question her advice at all - every word of it was practically memorized as soon as it was given. As a green, she had far more and better experience with and insight into female hearts! And he soaked up every soothing touch, mental and physical alike, which were invaluable to the young dragon in turmoil. Menankith was deeply grateful for and to the green, one radiantly warm feeling in the troubled ocean of all the rest, and he presented it to her as the precious thing it was.

Thank you, Neiveth. More than I can say, for everything. She truly was a wonderful, beautiful dragon, from the inside out, and he would be always in her debt. If ever there is anything you want or need from me, it is yours.

Not as reparation, not out of guilt, but in thanks and fondness.

demon_pachabel

 

[demon_pachabel]

She felt both worlds older, and not very much so than the young brown - only a few turns, really - as she offered up her sagely advice as though it had taken years of pain and experience to find it. Truly, it was not all that hard won, but it was tested and tried true at the very least. Menankith's gratitude made Neiveth preen, though it seemed it made her more inclined to dote upon him than anything else.

Of course, Menankith. It is my pleasure, she thrummed, practically radiating a good mood all over. It was a notable improvement in her day with her rider sick. Ah, her poor G'lin. I need nothing, but I will always be here to listen for you as well. she offered in turn. Hopefully, however, he wouldn't be needing much more of that from her. But it would leave the shoulder open if he were to somehow worsen his mood with his attempts to repair bridges.

She doubted his sincere heart would fail, though.

Your company is plenty enough for me.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

Then you shall have it, he pledged with a hum, the vocalization one of few positive ones he'd made over the course of the last day. The concern and heartache weren't so easily banished, but they were soothed somewhat by the balm she offered him, and the lifting of even a few clouds was a great reprieve for him. It seemed almost an unfair 'trade' for her to want only his company, when to him it seemed as though he must surely receive more from being in her company than she did from being in his. But if she said that it was enough, then he believed her, and he would stay there with her - content to speak more or to simply be - whenever and for however long she might wish.

demon_pachabel