[FIN] An Occasion for Starlight [Leukos+Sajahka]

[MissMisnomer]

“I can see where your mentality is coming from, but despite understanding, I don't think I can as ready ascribe to that lifestyle. It's a nice thought though,” Leukos mused, putting one of the last candied nuts on his tongue. “It's hard, when it feels like the world is…specifically targeting my life in particular, trying to make it go as far off course as it can. I wish things made sense. I wish we had answers for everything that happens to us. But we don't, and that's just frustrating at times.”

He shrugged, huffing quietly. Surely, the gods had a plan for every one of them. He just wished he could take a peek at the agenda.

“But…I am glad you seem so at peace with your life. Are you happy with the way it is going so far?” He propped up on his elbows, getting at a better level for speaking. “You've never really delved deeper into…what brought you here. At least, since the first day you arrived. Did you…want to tell me about it? About your friend?”

“It might not be my place to ask, and I don't have the whole story, but-” He bit his lip, glancing at the bricks, then back at Saj's eyes. “It seems, to me at least, that what he did to you…leaving like that, without considering the…repercussions your handicap might have on your life without him…was a shitty thing to do.”

[16/20]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Specifically targeting my life in particular…

Sajahka had to suppress the urge to laugh outright, and managed to cough a snort into his fist. Because—it wasn’t Leukos’ fault. He was sure the man didn’t intend to come off this way—but it felt so wildly self-absorbed, to feel that the universe was specifically focusing on him of all the infinite individuals-

It wasn’t uncommon, however. And like Leu, he did understand, somewhat, at the very least the appeal of the idea, despite not subscribing to it himself. People wanted to feel important. He could understand that. Still, he didn’t feel any personal need to imagine himself as any more important than he might logically be considered in the larger picture, and while that importance was incredibly confined in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t make any of it less real in the moment or to the individual experiencing it. Neither he nor Leukos would likely make history. And even those who did ‘controlled’ almost nothing. But they had lasting effects on each other, here, now, and on all the lives they touched, however many or few that might be. That, to Sajah, mattered far more than attempting to control the uncontrollable or imagine that he was a greater part of the infinite tapestry than he could rationally be presumed to be.

I am glad you seem so at peace with your life…

He glanced down, listening to the questions that followed, and eventually hesitating before rolling his shoulders. «Just because I do not subscribe to the idea that I control much of anything does not mean I am happy with everything, but…» He considered seriously before continuing. «I am happy with much of what has happened so far. I did not know what to expect of coming here…and I thought it almost as likely that you would turn me away as not, and I did not…have a plan beyond that, if you had.»

It wasn’t the proudest admittance, but it was the truth. And since they were beyond it now, it seemed safe to say earnestly. As for the rest…

He drew a breath, his thoughts wandering to Nyko for the first time in—days? Or perhaps it had only been hours. He liked to think that he thought about him less often now. Despite not specifically thinking negatively of him, it still was not the easiest of routes for his mind to walk. With Leukos’ prompting, though, he eventually had to shake his head.

«My ‘handicap’ is not his responsibility…he was my best and only friend for many years, and I still…» He frowned. «I care about him. But…I think it became clear he wanted more from his own life after attaining freedom, and I was not…the most useful of companions, despite my efforts to be. I hope that he succeeds in everything he hoped to find where he went…»

We're going to Belrea and when we get back you'll hear my name everywhere!

It didn’t hurt as much to remember now.

«I hope one day to hear him spoken of on the streets and appreciated for all the talent he had to offer the world…and though I wish it did not involve us parting on such unpleasant terms, I do think that perhaps things are better this way. I will not hold him back. He will chase his dreams freely…» He looked down to Leukos. «And I am happy here. It could have gone differently, but it did not. You might have sent me on my way, but you did not, and your boss may have thought me too much of a risk, but he chose to take it. I am learning skills I would not have, if I remained trailing at the songbird’s heels and hiding at the darkened edges of his spotlight, I am earning coin of my own to keep…and I am less dependent. The last thing I would want is to be a cripple at someone’s side, kept around only out of guilt inspired by my ‘handicap’…and perhaps one day we can meet again under other circumstances, having both grown more in our lives and finding different avenues for happiness.»  

[MissMisnomer]

Leukos could see the sincerity in Saj's words, and even though what had happened set his whole life on its head, he still did not seem to hold any anger towards his friend or the universe in general. And while what he put forth had some truth to it, Leukos couldn't help but feel that Sajahka was still giving the other boy too much credit. Just because things had worked out, did not mean that they would have worked out. His actions could have very well destroyed Saj's life, and it seemed like the other boy had not even considered that option.

Maybe it was just Leukos’ own personality clashing with Saj's mentality. He would not be able to let it go as easily. Maybe that made him more mature than Leu. Either way, Leukos held onto his lackluster opinion of the ‘songbird’, no matter high Saj wanted to sing his praises.

“Well, I cannot hope to form an unbiased opinion on the matter. But, you do seem content enough, so that's what really matters, isn't it?” Taking up the bottle, he drank what remained of it, setting that aside once again. “We'll just have to see how far your ‘songbird’ will rise into the stars in the end: I'd like to hear for myself what makes him such a big deal. Because frankly, I was not very impressed with our first meeting. Though, that was under very unfavorable circumstances, so maybe I caught him on a bad day.”

He scoffed, lying back down with his ankles crossed. “But I find that hard to believe: he just seemed like a sarcastic, ill-mannered p***k.”

Alright, maybe that last bit was a little harsh. But Leukos believed it, and he'd had enough to drink that he was feeling more inclined to say what was on his mind. Let Sajahka be offended, it wouldn't change Leukos’ opinion.

[17/20]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

“Mm.” Sajah nodded at the initial observances. He couldn’t imagine the opportunity arising even remotely soon, but it at least wasn’t impossible to picture a scenario at some point in the distant future where Leukos might have opportunity to hear Nyko sing. Particularly if he made a name for himself enough to make him easier to find.

At the mention of their first meeting, however, Sajahka had to snort — he just seemed like a sarcastic, ill-mannered p***k — and then laugh out loud before turning amused eyes back down to his company. «He is both of those things,» he admitted. «But…» Reaching, he tapped the tip of a finger lightly to Leukos’ nose, and grinned. «He is also adorable. Hard-working, passionate, ambitious…I…»

As his thoughts took a turn, back to his last actual engagement with Nyko, a frown settled in over his features in spite of himself. It truly had not been the highlight of their relationship. He couldn’t remember ever having seen Nyko so upset with him, and still those were the last words in the air between them. He breathed out, and studied instead the way starlight fell on the shape of Leu’s face and over the waves of dark hair.

«We ended…very badly, and I wish it wasn’t so. I hope we are given another opportunity to speak and that things are far better for both of us then. But…he was right about some things. I told myself that everything I did was for him, but after I met you…» Sajahka flushed, and hoped it wasn’t obvious in the night air. «I was very distracted. When he found a girl that interested him, I was unfairly jealous, and I spent my time elsewhere. He had goals that I could only ever hope to trail at his heels for, and as much as I loved him…» He hesitated. «I do not think I would have been as happy as I could be or fair to either of us if I spent my time cross that he had someone good for him.»

He eyed Leukos, and then gave a subtler smile.

«Besides, I seem to recall you thinking many foul things of me after our first meeting, and those too, were likely true in part or even in full. I just…do hope that he is safe, wherever he makes it to. I have known him to make…rash and poorly-planned decisions.» Their last days in Oba had been infinitely more complicated — and came close to getting them both killed — thanks to one such set. And I won’t be there to protect him. Sajah scoffed, shaking his head and dismissing the thought.

Nyko would be fine.

It was really the only thing Sajah could let himself believe until given evidence to the contrary.  

[MissMisnomer]

At the unexpected touch, Leukos wrinkled his nose, glancing up at Sajahka again. Who proceeded to bring up further points why he felt the way he did, and why Leu should feel silly for jumping to his own concrete decision. He huffed, eyeing him.

“Okay, you've made your point: I should not be so quick to judge people, your friend is probably more complex than I give him credit for, and you are clearly more mature than me. I accept defeat…for now.”

But Sajah had brought up valid points. Leukos had felt just as, if not more so, unfond of Sajahka as he did of his friend. But that had changed. It had just required the chance for him to get to know the boy. And now…he was distinctly more fond of him.

What a crazy world they lived in.

He shifted, scooting to lay his head on Saj's thigh. The boy could construe that however he liked, but the fact remained: he had not told Leukos to bring a cushion along, and the brick was hard under his skull. So, thigh pillow it was.

He moved a thick lock of hair over his shoulder, braiding it absent-mindedly. “Thanks for buying me dinner tonight. I enjoyed talking with you like this...we should do it again sometime.”

Leu glanced up at Sajahka, then down at his feet, shifting his head as he looked off to the side. “You know, you can…if you'd like…” His cheeks flushed a tad, twisting the strands around his fingers. “I'd like you to brush my hair. If that's something you wouldn't be opposed to…”

[18/20]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

I accept defeat…for now.

Sajahka snorted softly, smiling. So far as he was concerned, Leukos could think whatever he liked of Nyko—he didn’t know him, and given their limited exposure it wasn’t surprising in the least that he was unfond. Just as he couldn’t have been expected to enjoy Sajah’s own company without the benefit of slightly more context than one run in with him as a thief. It was just the way of things. But since Leu was content, so was he, and when the man shifted—his gaze darted down.

He had a lapful of Leu.

Or, a partial one anyway, and the warm weight of him against his leg was—well, certainly not objectionable, in any case, and he grunted, watching with easy interest as the man’s fingers wove through his hair.

«And thank you for coming to share it with me…» We should do it again sometime. Sajah didn’t bother over-thinking it or attempting to assign meaning to the warmth in his chest—or how generally good he felt, just like this, to have Leu resting against him and a full sky of stars overhead watching on. «I would like that very much.»

Then, Leu shifted, managing to look abashed for a moment of all things, and — I’d like you to brush my hair… — Saj blinked, and then grinned.

«I think I would like that, too.» His gaze moved again to where Leu’s fingers twined. «You have so much of it…» It would be nice, to have an open excuse to touch, run a brush through and work his fingers over the locks. Though Leukos clearly managed, he could only imagine it was quite the project to handle all the time.

And then, in spite of himself, it occurred to him that this would be the time he would have liked to lean, dip, and touch their lips together in a kiss after a night well managed. Leukos was laying right there in his lap, a light dusting of color still visible on his cheeks, and it would have been easy. His lips would have been warm, and under different circumstances, cooperative.

But.

Being that the circumstances weren’t different, Sajah lifted his gaze instead. «I suppose I should probably walk you home.» He had waited until the week’s end to make his invitation, so they at least did not have to concern themselves with rising early for work come morning, but still, Leukos likely had plans, and much as he enjoyed it, he couldn’t hold Leukos hostage on a rooftop with him all night.  

[MissMisnomer]

I think I would like that too.

Leukos tried to keep himself from looking too excited, bunching his toes inside his boots contently. It had been a while since anyone had done that for him, and it was something he enjoyed very much. Maybe Sajah could even help braid it for him. He was glad he had asked.

At his proposal however, he groaned in his throat, shaking his head at Sajahka. “No, let's stay here a bit longer. It's such a nice night, we don't have anywhere to be tomorrow. Besides…” He said, reaching and taking the last of the dates, holding it up by Saj's nose. “There's still food left. We shouldn't rush eating it. I hardly need to be ‘walked home’, so don't worry about it”

[19/20]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

Leukos’ visible contentedness was pleasing, and then — when he groaned and shook his head in the negative with regard to leaving —- Sajah found that that, too, was probably more pleasing than it ought to have been. But he didn’t concern himself with the details, instead chuckling and smiling in turn. He didn’t really want to leave, after all. He was happy to sit here just like this, and there was no rush. He had just been reminded by his own wants that perhaps Leukos would have places he’d rather be and things on the mind-

But to learn otherwise could only be satisfying, and Sajah tipped his head, taking the date in his teeth from Leu’s fingers with a pleased grunt.

«Very well. It is a beautiful night.» And he had beautiful company. He certainly wasn’t complaining. «I like high places,» he signed. «Climbing to them, and just being there. I feel as though I can look out on the world below and have a satisfaction to hang over it all…and, if it is especially high, there can be a pleasant rush that comes with risk.»

He considered, letting as much of the cheese flavor in the date as could linger at the back of his mouth before swallowing.

«I dislike poorly made anything. Blades, in particular, but…it seems wasteful and frustrating to deal with anything of low-quality.» Clothes. Weapons. Boots. Tools. Unfortunately, he couldn’t afford ‘the best’ of anything, but he knew durability and proper craftsmanship when he saw it, at least in some things, and it often wasn’t expensive just to do something right the first time. So far as he saw it, there was little excuse or reason for wasting materials on something not designed to last.  

[MissMisnomer]

Leukos was entirely pleased with the way things were turning out, the evening, and his relationship with Sajahka in general. They were really getting to know each other. He felt more comfortable talking to him, and being around him, without the expectation for anything more to come of it of the intimate variety. They'd never had that dynamic before. He enjoyed it.

“You would have made a great member of our troupe, you're certainly bold enough for it. We have a rope drawn high above the audience's heads that performers dance across, and a trapeze without a net…it's amazing. I used to have an act where I hung from the top of the tent on a long cord of fabric and did all sorts of things, like swinging and twisting, wrapping it around me-”

He frowned, pinching his lips as he lost the words.

“It's hard to explain if you've never seen it before.” He grinned, recalling how scared he had been the first time he'd performed the stunt in front of a full audience. “Not to toot my own horn too much, but I don't know if you can see anything else quite like that in the world. I should take you to see them sometime, someday. It will blow you away.”

Leukos tipped his head back, poking Saj's cheek. “I feel like I've talked enough about me to last a lifetime: tell me something else about yourself.”

[20/20]  

[Miss Chief aka Uke]

“Mmm…” It did sound exciting. Quite honestly, Sajah simply loved thrills. To feel some rush from something that made him feel wildly alive in a moment—life was so brief already in the greater scope, but also had the potential to feel so tedious in the moment if one didn’t take the risks to make it more than that. He felt genuinely that he would have enjoyed a circus, given the proper opportunity to practice.

Not that he considered himself much of a performer. He tended to prefer to be out of the spotlight, and have his talents shine in other ways—but, upon further consideration, it wasn’t specifically that he was shy by any stretch. His talents just hadn’t seemed to lend themselves to focus, and he didn’t feel that need for attention. Just the rush and the satisfaction of accomplishment. It might have been interesting, in another world.

«I would love to see it,» he signed. «I am sure you are breathtaking to watch in full show…» Leukos’ finger prodded his cheek, and at the press, Sajah scoffed, smiling. «Cheater. No. I started because you invited the game by asking me questions, so I have already told you more than you have told me, it is your turn. Besides, I am sure you love talking about yourself…»

And so the night went.

It was easy, relaxed, informative, fun—and after the first time he mentioned returning home, Sajah found that he lost entire track of time as they went on, finishing their food and then spending longer still just sharing company until the night and grogginess did demand that they eventually make their way back. But it felt solid and satisfactory. As much as he possibly could have hoped from the night and more in its own way.

Even if he never kissed Leukos again, he loved his company. And that, for now, was enough to put him to sleep happy.