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Masterharper Vice Captain
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 Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:39 am
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The dark haired boy couldn't believe what he'd been told. It was outrageous! He couldn't accept that his sister had agreed to it, and that soon, very soon, he'd have to collect his things and move somewhere else! Surely, there had to be some mistake! Pandyr wouldn't willingly agree to him being fostered, would she? She was his sister. They'd always been together, always been a team, and she and Lazulith were the only ones he had left!
Why... why would she do this to him?
Was she sick of him being there? He tried not to get underfoot. He tried to be helpful and patient; he could run errands for her, could help her with Lazulith, could keep her company when she was lonely. Surely, it couldn't be because he was getting in he way. She'd never said so before. Didn't he strive to ensure he wasn't underfoot? He tried not to cry when she was around, and certainly did his best to keep a brave face. He was no sissy, thank you. But. . . but why then did she want him fostered?
The boy grew more and more upset with every stomping foot. His skin was flushed red, and his throat was clenched with sudden angry tears. He fought them back -- he wasn't going to give the Weyr the satisfaction of seeing him cry! -- but oh, he just didn't understand why. As he approached his sister's room, it occurred to him that maybe.... maybe she just couldn't stand to be around him. His guilty conscience whispered that maybe she was just reminded of everything she lost just by him being there.
It was his fault she'd lost her arm. If he hadn't been astride Lazulith, maybe she would have gotten away unscathed. Instead, she'd saved him and gotten scored... and then he hadn't been able to fix it! He'd tried to clean the wound, tried to wrap it tight, tried to heal it with all the aid he'd known... but it was too much. It did indeed get infected, and she'd almost died. If he'd been better at healing, like their mother had always been, maybe thing would have turned out differently. Maybe... Maybe he was going to have to live with someone else, because Pan just didn't want him anymore.
Some part of Val rejected that to be true. But the guilt he hung onto, the grief he hadn't entirely processed, and all of his fears of losing his only living family member whispered these terrible insecurities and falsehoods. It was hard to see the truth among his shame, and it did make the most sense for why she would foist him off on someone else.
Someone he'd be meeting after the evening meal.
He had a few precious hours to pack his things, and then Casgar, or one of his assistants, would introduce to him to who would be taking him on. Savor or Saver or someone. He didn't really remember much about what Casgar had told him -- he had been too stunned to listen, too shocked to really hear what he was being told. All he'd been focused on the knowledge that he was going to be taken from the one person who made this place feel like home.
Opening the door to the back way of Pandyr's weyr with as much fierceness as he could muster, Val stomped into the room. "Pandyr!" His anger turned more into a cracked sob. "They're fostering me out tonight!" He didn't know what else to say. He had wanted to yell at his sister, wanted to demand why she was getting rid of him, but . . . he couldn't. Not really. He loved his sister, and knew this was somehow his fault. She was blameless, really. It was just.... hard to think about leaving her.
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:55 am
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For her own part, Pan had been pacing the floor of her weyr, too distraught to be still, ever since Casgar had told her that she had to allow Van to be fostered out. What was it he'd said? Healer's orders. That was it. She was being forced to give up the family she had left because the healers wanted her to focus solely on healing and caring for her dragon.
Did that mean they thought she was neglecting Lazulith in favor of her brother? The thought slipped out before she could stop it and she tensed as she felt her blue ponder the question.
Never. Neither of you has ever neglected me. But Van will feel very hurt, I suspect. None of us has ever been separated since That Day.
"That's true, love. But it doesn't make any of this right. If Casgar hadn't assured me that this S'vor was from a similar background, I never would have agreed. I want Van to be happy! I want him to be safe! And he's probably going to think I'm tossing him to snakes like this."
Was it her imagination or did Lazulith have a sadly resigned tone to his mental voice? We cannot control what Van thinks, mine. All we can do is reassure him that we care.
Pan would have said more, wanted to say more, but settled on venting her feelings by kicking a stool across the room. Just as Van stormed in.
Oh balls.
Rather than trying to immediately speak, she stalked across the weyr and looped her good arm around him, wanting to pull him close.
"I know," she answered with a rough voice. "Little brother, I know and I'm so sorry."
Outside, she could hear Lazulith crooning softly, trying in his own way to bolster them both.
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Masterharper Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:28 am
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The sudden crash of a stool did cause the boy to start with surprise, temporarily piercing a hole in his anger and hurt. But before he had a chance to respond, or do anything, his sister came over and pulled him close. He stood rigid for a few moments, trying hard to resist.... but the other part of him, the needy, clingy part of him, just couldn't stay upset.
Slowly, he relaxed into the pull, reaching out with his arms to loop around her, clinging to the familiar figure. He didn't know if it would have been better or worse for all this to have happened after his arrival, but he hated it. If a few tears rolled down his cheeks, it couldn't be helped -- but at least his face was hidden.
For a few moments he said nothing, just stood there, clinging to his sister, hoping that maybe someone would say this was just a bad dream, or an awful joke. But he knew it wasn't the case. For whatever reason, he couldn't stay with his sister, and had to be taken under another's wing. "How long did you know?" He asked, maybe a little accusingly. He wasn't trying to be angry, but, it was hard not to lash out. He tried so hard to be good, and yet, he was still being turned over to a stranger. "Why can't I stay with you? Am I in the way?" His words cracked again, and a few more tears slipped out. Tears he quickly rubbed away because no, he was not going to cry in front of his sister. He was too old for that.
But... it did hurt. And he was (secretly) afraid.
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:50 am
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Sighing a little into her brother's hair, Pan was suddenly struck by how much taller he was. When had her little brother started to grow?
I suspect you just haven't had the time to notice, mine. Children do grow. You complained often enough about how quickly I grew, after all, the cheerful edge of Lazulith's words caught her off guard and she nearly burst into a bray of laughter before remembering that Van would be terribly hurt since he hadn't heard the dragon's words for himself.
Loosening her grip slightly, Pan gently steered the both of them towards a comfortable bench, thinking this would all be much easier sitting down. Sighing again as her missing arm gave a throb of phantom pain, Pan wondered if she would ever get used to missing a physical part of herself. Then decided she probably wouldn't. It was always going to be there as a reminder of what was lost.
"Van, I didn't know a thing about this until this morning. Casgar came to talk to me to get my consent. And he was armed with healer's orders to boot," there was a bitter twist to Pan's mouth as she spoke those words. They sounded like such a miserable excuse! It didn't matter that it was true. It still sounded sketchy. Using her good hand, Pan smoothed the hair away from her brother's face before giving voice to her earlier wonder.
"You're growing," she said in an almost accusing way. "You're going to end up taller than me, I think. I wonder if that's not part of why Casgar ambushed us both today."
She fell silent, feeling Lazulith at the back of her mind, radiating love and compassion. And if her voice was sharp when it came to Van's next questions, it was due more to shock that he could ever believe something so vile of her.
"Of course you're not in the way! Little brother, I would keep you tucked away safe in here for the rest of both our natural lives if I could," she cocked her head as her dragon gave an oddly whining protest to that. "But Lazulith tells me that wouldn't be healthy for anyone. He also says to tell you that we will still love you no matter who you're bunking with. Fostering out doesn't mean that we stop being brother and sister. It just... it just means that you deserve to have more attention than I'm able to give you right now."
Now she sounded ashamed, as if she knew how much she was failing her only surviving family by being too weak to be able to care for Van. And as much as she hated to admit it to herself, she wasn't able in any capacity to care for a boy entering puberty. She loved her brother more than anything, but she was at a complete loss as to how to make sure of his total well being as he grew up.
"Did Casgar tell you anything about S'vor?" she asked, anxious to veer out of the unpleasant mental waters she'd found herself in.
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Masterharper Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 11:38 am
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Val settled himself on the small bench, still not quite letting his sister go. He still couldn't bear to look at her, though he was beginning to feel a little better. He had been so angry when he'd been told of the change, but now that he was with his sister, back in her little weyr, and knowing Lazulith was there... he couldn't help but feel better. More safe, more secure. What was it going to be like with some stranger?
Honesty, Val didn't know what his height had to do with anything. He had outgrown some of his clothes this past Turn, but the Weyr had always been good about supplying him new things. "I guess," he answered quietly, not really sold but not wanting to argue, either. So what if he was getting taller -- why should that matter anyway?
When his sister mentioned letting him stay there forever, he almost perked up, almost said they could do so. But, he did hear the strange noise that came from Lazulith, and quickly fell back to quiet despair. Maybe... maybe he was getting in the way of Pan and her dragon. Riders tended to be incredibly busy. Thankfully, his sister explained what her dragon had said, and he had no reason to doubt the truth of the matter. "...But...But...That's not true! I'm happy here. I'm happy with you and Lazulith. And who says this... this other person is going to like me, or want me around. They're not---" He couldn't even spit out the words. Bringing up his mother and father was still a sticky point. Instead, he finally looked up at his sister, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she'd give in. "Do I really have to go?" He knew it was futile. He just needed to know that Pan knew it was too.
Heaving a heavy sigh, swallowing back his anger and tears for another day, he slumped against Pan. When she asked if he knew about S'vor, he gave a little grunt. "No." Okay, that wasn't really the truth. "I mean... He said some stuff, but I... didn't really listen." He knew he should have paid more attention to the Headman, but he'd been too distressed by his confirmation of being fostered. It didn't really matter who they gave him to, did it? They would still be a stranger and he'd still be alone. |
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 2:01 pm
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Nodding slowly to show that she was listening, Pan felt a lurch in her gut when her brother so carefully avoided mentioning their parents. Even without Lazulith whispering in her head, she knew that was not healthy.
Giving Van a little shake and hug, Pan sighed and decided to finish the sentence herself.
"They aren't going to be Mum or Da. It's okay to say it, little brother. And I've been happy to have you here, too. But what if you find a nice boy or girl you want to spend time with? Or what if I do? Neither of us is going to want the other around overhearing that."
She risked a half smile and widened her eyes comically. If she could just get Van to laugh a little bit at the sheer ridiculousness of one or both of them trying to have a private moment with the other right there...
"As for the rest, I had no idea until Casgar said anything, but rather a lot of folk in the weyr have been going to him to ask if they'd be able to foster you. S'vor is the one that he decided would be the best match of all of 'em. So I don't think you have to fear not being wanted or liked."
Holding her brother tightly as he slumped against her, Pan kept her voice soft and thn reached to tousle his hair.
"No, I guess when you're shocked, it's hard to really listen. It's all right. Well, I was told that S'vor comes from a family a lot like ours was. So there will be something in common. And I think... I think S'vor might've known Mum and Da. Casgar wasn't exactly clear, but the implication was there. Maybe he was part of one of the other families we used to team up with. Tell you one thing though, I'm going to be there with you when you meet S'vor. And if I think for half a breath that he's all wrong, I won't let you go."
Lazulith trumpeted outside the weyr and Pan jumped slightly before shaking her head ruefully.
"Lazulith says to tell you that S'vor is a good person and that, as scary as it seems, weyrling dragons must go between at some point if they wish to become fully fledged dragons. Tell you what, come outside with me and help me scrub the Fount of Wisdom while we have some time."
Privately, she thought her dragon's statement a little too on the nose, but even she could see how true it was in Van's case. She didn't want to emotionally cripple her precious brother by keeping him forever at her side.
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Masterharper Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2017 7:52 pm
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Valendyr was a mix of horrified and embarrassed when Pandyr brought up the idea of spending time with boys or girls. If his ears turned a bit more red, and his cheeks darkened it couldn't be helped. On the one hand, his anger was still righteous -- how could she joke at such a serious time like this!? Did she not care!?
On the other hand... that would be kind of awkward. Especially because what if he did find someone cute, and brought them back to hold hands, and . . . maybe steal a kiss or something. Maybe. Oh, but maybe not. He'd never actually been kissed before, and he certainly never had a boyfriend.
Or girlfriend.
The idea of either of them still made him strangely uncomfortable and curious, and now his sister was distracting him from his upset. He was getting fostered. "I mean... I g-guess not," he stammered, still a mix of two competing emotions. It was difficult to hang onto his anger, but now he felt even more of a burden. But making one of those sorts of friends did see a bit impossible; he didn't have any good friends at the Weyr yet, despite having lived in the place almost two Turns. So really, it wasn't a good point... unless Pandyr herself had wanted to bring people back to her weyr. "But you're supposed to be healing, not... not doing any of that," his voice dropped into a little mumble and he looked down at his shoes.
"But I guess... letting you have your own space is inevitable." They were siblings; he wasn't her child, and she wasn't his parent. A small part of Val understood that she would inevitably want and need her own space, and moving in with some stranger was probably the best. In fact, he knew that, despite his outrage, and his anger, and his shock.... He just was afraid. And while he didn't want to admit that, his life had changed so much the past two Turns, that having it change again seemed overwhelming to him.
Even if it was jut switching up what room he slept in, it was a big deal to the slightly needy child. But. There was nothing more to do about it-- not if Pan had agreed.
So, Val listened as his sister explained a bit about this... S'vor. He knew that there was likely nothing wrong with the man, and the fact that the might have known his parents definitely helped. He wanted to know what he knew, and if he knew them, and how well and . . . and maybe he'd recognize him, even. The name didn't sound familiar, but he wasn't going to doubt what Pandyr or Casgar said. He'd find out tonight, at any rate, who this one...
The fact that others had been asking to foster him did surprise him -- Val wasn't sure if his sister was just making that up to make him feel good or not -- but even so, it was an idea that flattered him. He didn't expect anyone to notice him in as big and bustling as the Weyr. Faranth knew he hardly noticed anyone outside of Pandyr.
... and maybe that was the problem.
"Does Lazulith still like me?" He finally had the nerve to ask. Sometimes he wondered if her sisters blue ever resented him for everything that happened. Sliding off the chair, he waited for his sister, not wanting to go too far. This was their last night together, and every moment was precious. "You know I didn't mean for... You know I really tried..." His voice cracked and he couldn't quite finish the sentence.
If he felt the sting of tears, he did his best to hold them in.
It was just a . . . rough day. And even though he knew he could still visit, and that it wasn't as if he was being sent away from the Weyr, it still felt as if tonight everything would change for good. His imagination could already conjure thoughts of his sister getting too busy, and their schedules no longer aligning. He didn't know what S'vor would expect of him, or where his place would be in the Weyr. He also knew dragonriders were busy -- hadn't he heard some weyr brats talk bout how their parents were too involved to see them? Wasn't that why they had foster parents?
Well, just in case, he wanted to be sure they both knew how sorry he still was. Because if he was going to admit this to anyone, it was going to be them. He wasn't going to let this S'vor know him to be such a mess. It was hard enough letting Pandyr know. |
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