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Okay, so first things first. Gino Gambino is a drama llama. Now that I've got that out of the way, has anyone been to RPG.net? the forumgoers there do this thing called "Where I Watch".

The idea is, an uncultured noob, (in this case, me) who hasn't seen a particular series watches it, episode by episode, posting synopses and opinions on each, for the entertainment of those who've already seen it. When others are discussing episodes or plot points the noob doesn't know about, it's considered proper forum etiquette to hide the spoilers, like so:

(highlight space below)

HIDEY SPOILER IS HIDING!

Here are various examples to help you understand: http://forum.rpg.net/tags.php?tag=where+i+watch

So, if you're willing to go on a crazy journey with me, I'll be happy to have you! Are you ready? Let's go!

We open on a shot of silhouetted buildings against a wild array of blacklight fireworks. Pretty! Ah, now people are fighting in blacklight! Two opponents, one in black, and one in white, do the classic anime clash swords move, and we see that our M.I.B. has blazing yellow spot colored eyes. Wait, now there’s shooting? Oh, one has a lightsaber, and the other has a gun, I see! The two young men, as it turns out, are arguing over a girl, who is lying prone and bleeding on the ground. Shades of Spike/Julia/Vicious?

THEME TUNE! – Standard Shonen Anime Lyrics, not poppy, not catchy, lotsa pretty people flying around, they look more interesting than our leads, let’s see them! Back to the show!

A pretty half-face is intro’d with an ominous guitar sting as he stands with his jacket blowing in the wind. Big moon shot, then a priest with the voice of Father Cornello begs to be saved from damnation as one of the guys from the cold open, the dude in white, just… stands there. Creepy. Is… is he gonna kill Cornello?

A grizzled, eyepatch-wearing Bounty Hunter wants to catch Governor Gambino, and we soon see why: dude’s broke, and food costs plenty in this economy. Patch gets chewed out by his waitress for smoking in a restaurant, but she likes him enough to serve as exposition fairy for this episode: Since Governor Gangster Gambino got elected, the town’s been sleaze central. Patch is distracted by Gambino’s float passing by; he, and we, get a clear view of Gambino’s arm candy: A black-haired, blue-eyed pixie dressed in white, who Patch seems awfully interested in.

Suddenly, a scream! It’s a thug getting handsy with the other staff, and Miss Exposition rushes of to take care of it. Patch decides to intervene with some atomic fireball candies that behave exactly as advertised. He’s “treated” to a meal in return (eat now, pay later).

Johnny is walking away from the parade crowd, reflecting on some previous words of far too affectionate praise lavished on him by the man in white. He heads to his hotel room, feeds his white cat, stares up at the moon, and contemplates the horrible rictus face of the dead priest. After he tells his cat that the milk’s gone, we see a childhood memory… Little Johnny staring down the barrel of a gun, and someone telling him, “You can live or die, the choice is yours.”

Scanning the auditorium, Patch bemoans his situation for a while, then notices an open window. HEEEERE’S JOHNNY! Johnny moves quick as lightning across the auditorium while Patch tries unsuccessfully to stop him. Johnny knocks out Gambino’s closest bodyguard, then announces that he’s come to deliver some bad luck, shooting Gambino in the the back. He sends the whole place into a frenzy, which is why it’s awfully weird that no one notices him calmly walking away from the building… no one but Patch, that is, who lectures Johnny on his methods before nearly getting his head sliced off by a giant boomerang.

The weapon is wielded by one of Gambino’s bodyguards, who has an ax to grind. Johhny gets ticked, pinning the bodyguard to a tree before zipping off to who knows where. Patch leaves… but the Man In White comes to punish the bodyguard for hurting his precious Johnny. There is lots of spurting redness.

Patch gets the scoop on Johnny, and is told what we already know: He’s an assassin for Khronos, and, judging by the reaction of Patch’s informant, the most dangerous one out there. Later, Patch talks with Miss Exposition and tells us another thing we already know: Patch is a Bounty Hunter, or a “sweeper.”

Ep 2 - The Hesitant Cat

There’s that portentious moon again as we pull back to view a wall and see a shrieking, pigtailed silhouette and that of her creepily giggling assailant. He’s really enjoying her terror, and says as much, but is interrupted by a well-timed cop. The beam of the flashlight our officer wields reveals that Giggler isn’t entirely human. Just what sort of world is this? Giggler seems to have no problem taking care of our cowardly cop. This looks like a job for Johnny Cash! Now where is he?

On the roof, listening to Kimono Girl sing about rain, I guess. She proves herself to be even more of a manic pixie dream girl (who will no doubt teach Johnny to feel again) by stealing his milk, and says that milk is great to have after you sing, which proves she’s never taken choir: that stuff ruins your singing voice, and you shouldn’t drink it if you plan to perform. In honor of the Nostalgia Chick, who suffered through a review of Showgirls, enduring the escapades of a similar random character… I dub this girl… Nomiko!

Nomiko has a very long and pointless one-sided conversation with Johnny before noticing his gun: “That’s a sharp revolver!” I get that the translator is using “sharp” as a synonym for “cool-looking”, but calling a revolver “sharp” makes a person seem… confused, at best. Well, despite her oddness, Nomiko’s apparently a sweeper. She asks what Johnny does for a living, and he… says nothing. She pulls out the old “We’re not so different” speech before downing the rest of his milk and vanishing. My guess is, they’ll be together by the end of the series. That, or she’ll be dead.

Spurred on by her plentiful assets, Double N vows to defend Blondie from her pursuers, but fails spectacularly. It’s up to Sven to protect Blondie, and he does so, bashing the brutes with a spring mechanism in that magical briefcase of his. She treats him to a massive lunch, all while smiling sweetly… and this is my first real clue that something is rotten in Denmark. We didn’t get a good look at the girl that Giggler attacked, but we do know that she had blonde hair. Couple that with the fact that Giggler can supposedly take people’s skin off, and… oh, I just deduced the twist ending of this episode. Man, I hate when that happens.

Her dialogue reveals her fawning, Nadeshiko perfection, as the bartender spots that Blondie’s “attackers” are cheerily walking away with a fat stack of cash for their trouble; yup, she paid them to do it. AAAGHHH! We’re only ten minutes in and I already know how this’ll turn out! That’s usually a very bad sign. Blondie feeds him a line about needing to find her sister and pays him with an ungodly amount of moolah.

And back to boring Johnny, who’s just been assigned to kill somebody else, probably Giggler, but of course, he is distracted by thoughts of Nomiko. Back to Sven! Back to Sven! After the commercial break, my wish is granted, as Sven and the bartender, Annette, who quiz Blondie on why she needs Sven for this when the police could do better. Blonde Giggler gives a load of bull answer tailored to seem like flattery. Anyway, their target is Torneo Rudman, a gangster who supposedly kidnapped “Blondie’s” sister. When Sven agrees to take the job, Blondie has an odd slip of the tongue, referring first to a “Renslet(?)” and then to herself, “Elena”. Suspicious Annette is suspicious.

Ep 3 - The Cat in the Dark

The Moon. Blondie. Sven. They’re at Torneo’s vacation home, where Rinslet is supposedly being kept. Johnny points his gun at a little blonde girl… the one that Sven met before, I think… as Nomiko’s song rings in his ears. Theme tune. And now… Oh, I see what the writers did here. Johnny was sent to kill Rinslet, and Blondie is bringing in Sven to… take care of Johnny while she grabs Rinslet’s bounty for herself? We’ll see, but my opinion of this series just ratcheted up a few notches.

Sven stops Johnny from doing the dastardly deed, and Rinslet is creepy, oracular, and morose. A bunch of men with guns threaten the whole group, so Sven sets off a briefcase flashbomb, diving out the window with Blondie in tow. Johnny beats up the gunners while Sven and Blondie hangglide to safety. Yay for magic briefcases! Rinslet is shown to be safe and unharmed while the lead gunman, Torneo, waxes poetic about our soon to be Nakama’s imminent demise.

Sven and Blondie are holed up in a hotel. It is morning, and Blondie is suspicious as to why Torneo’s men haven’t come after them. Sven tells her to cut the crap and spill the beans. Here’s the reveal: Blondie isn’t even blonde, and she’s Rinslet! The little girl is a bio-weapon, created with nanotech Rudman stole from the military. Rinslet wants to snag the kid and sell her back to the military for big bucks. Meanwhile, Johnny hangs out on a roof, musing.

Johnny is interrupted from meditating on his gun by our obsessive man in white, Creed. It’s clear that Johnny doesn’t like the attention, but Creed’s not taking the hint, and gets all up in Johnny’s face about his botched job: He trained Johnny better than that! (Insert Crypt-Keeper cackle here.)

Creed plays Mr. Exposition, informing Johnny that the nanomachines within Eve have transformative properties that can change people into one of two different bioweapons, Angels, or Demons. (Guess which one Eve is!) These properties are called “trance”.

Back at the ranch, Rinslet is ticked that her bounty is gone. Sven insists that there is good in Eve, and that, as a gentleman, it his solemn duty to save a Damsel In Distress. Back at Johnny’s, Creed says that Eve isn’t too big of a threat to take down yet. Rinslet/Creed want the plans. The boys think alike: A distraction will draw out Torneo while they themselves get to Eve.