I'm in a really depressed mood and I just need to write this out. Lately I have been feeling really sad, I act normal so I won't worry my friends but on the inside I'm really hurting.So just bear with me while I write this out. My dad went to jail when I was about 2 because he shot a man my mom worked with. My dad was skitsofrenic and thought they were having an affair.We all got restraining orders and my mom also got countless new boyfriends. When I was 5 or 6 my mom went to rehab. I remeber seeing her leave and having that police officer lie to me that she would be back tomorrow. I went to live with my aunt Patty and uncle Joe and my two cousins Laniee and Caitlyn. She came home a year later and me and my sister left dorchester and went back to live at our new home. Between this age and 10 I spent my time focusing on school and when I got home working on wrestling beer away from my mom and dealing with the new boyfriends. I just wanna make this clear she wasn't a bad mother. She treated me and my sister great, she was just addicted. When I was 10 years old my mother was asleep on the couch, she was there for a day and 1/2. Me and my sister presumed she was passed out drunk again. We had a friend, Sean come over. He was a boy scout. We showed her our mother on the way to our room to play. He leaned down and she was cold. He check her pulse. There was none. I went over and felt her hand thinking this would be the last time I could see her.I ran out my house and to my neighbors, my aunt and told her to call 911. She died March 28th 2004 from heart failure. I am currentaly living with my aunt and uncle, trying to adjust to life, not being able to utter the word mom. I recall being young and saying the word dad and it sounding so foreign to my mouth. It makes me sad. I'm 14 years old and have already been through this much. Am I bad luck?
Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 8:55 pm
No no no no no. You are not bad luck, but you have had an awful lot of rerally crappy luck in your young life. Do not ever blame yourself. You did not cause this to happen to you. I hope that your aunt and uncle treat you decently. Ask them to get you help if you feel that you need it. Or talk to your school counselor or a teacher that you trust. You have a lot of years ahead of you and much potential for what you can do with those years.
BTW - I am a grown-up, not a kid. And no I'm not a perv. I just enjoy Gaia. But I hope that you will take my words seriously.
Wow. At 14, I almost lost my mom to cancer. I can't imagine imagine losing mine the way you did because. I know where you are coming from w/ you dad though. My dad's been in jail since I was a baby practically and he's mentally ill as far as I gather.
You've been dealt some serious cards for a girl your age. Not to sound religious but you're really blessed to have been able to live to through all of that and be able to reach out even here. I'm glad you did and I'm glad it occurred to to me to check this sub forum.
Like Cordelia said, you are not bad luck. I know you're gonna feel but you have to realize that what happened in you life is not your fault. These things happen. Time is a healer that workers at his pace. Maybe in time you will be able to utter those three words. In the mean time, perhaps you should try to release some of that pain you have pent up in there. Have you tried writing? is there something you like to do?
Btw, I'm also an adult on the site and... I think try to think of another response to your other question you have here. Add me or pm me if you wish.
Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:52 pm
Thank you both for reassuring me. And I try to write poetry but I'm not very good.
HotCamoEmoMuffin
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ObscureEnigma
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Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 6:42 pm
Don't worry. You are not the only young teenager who went through your type of drama. There are lots of children, who are even younger than you are, that are going through worse every day. There are children starving in African right now. It's not that I don't sympathesize with you because I do. Trust me. If I had to deal with all of that pressure at such a young age, I would be extremely traumatized. It's a good thing that you're holding in strong. My point is... you are not the only one who deals with these situations. It's amazing what children go through when their parents make childish decisions. My advice is just to keep holding on because you still have much to learn.
Ironically, I am an adult as well, but I am only five years older than you are. I have had similar experiences to yours, but not nearly as graphic. Both of my parents are still alive and out of jail. I have moved around a lot as a child as well. I will probably move around much more as well because I am a bourne traveller. It's stressful. I am terribly sorry that you or any other person has to deal with such trauma in general.
Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 2:09 pm
HotCamoEmoMuffin, let's list things that you have:
you have your sister, aunt, uncle, and the most precious thing - yourself
you have those good memories of your mother how she loves both of you (you and your sister)
you have learn to be brave, and being able to continue living even after all these not so good events happened on you.
you have your friends and you happens to be nice enough not to worry them by not telling what happened within your family (I think you should tell one or 2 good friends of yours when you can't hide anymore, it will do you good I think)
you have gone through all these, if you have went this far, I am sure nothing as bad can be compared to these if you continue to live your life and study well in your school. I can see lots of smiles to come in your future even with these memories in your mind. Stay positive mind is really important.
I am an adult too. wink my mum and dad are still living well, you make me cherish them more from now on with what you have told us here. You are brave girl and I am sure we here are really proud of you. Please keep smiling for people surrounding you and think who you will meet in future. heart
also feel free to private message me if you are really down and have no one else to tell your situation with. I am sure your friends care you enough to listen what you have in your mind smile smile HotCamoEmoMuffin. Smile. I know it's easy for me to say than for you to do. But please look at the sky and see high it can reach smile
I havent gone through as much as you but i have had my dad throw multiple things and jump on top of my mother to get the keys from her. He has put a gun in his mouth in front of my little brother. My mom is really stressed so everything is left to me. My problems might not be as bad as yours bt I have survived. And so will you....I also write poetry to express my feelings. But if you miss your mother, you might just want to start a little journal to her telling about your day and stuff. I am a year younger than you and even with that I want you to take this seriously 'Everything happens for a reason' you have a purpose in this life and even though it might not be clear right now...you will see t clearly soon enough. Just stay strong and stay true to yourself. Don't let anyone bully you and dont bully anyone else. People go through things like this everyday and 1 out of 10 commit suicide from it. But just remeber who you are and you will survive. Live day to day and live life to its fullist. You never know what will behind the next door that faces you but just take a chance and open it.
Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 5:22 am
not your fault at all my advice...
- be strong - continue your life - you still loved by your sister , uncle , aunt ,friends - don't blame yourself - find the real happiness while you're still breathing - don't do something stupid - be the real you
Thanks guys. And Coco_Bunny23 I'm so sorry about whats going on with you. I hate how kids get thrown into all these situations they should never have to go through, especially so young.
Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 12:00 am
ok my life sounds WONDERFUL and HEAVENLY compared to the people on this depression thing. i dont know what to say i have never had that happen before. i remember that i DID have the police come to my house once, and i was thinkin " WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ONNNNN??????" i figured out my mom had obsessive compulsive disease, a disease of the brain that makes things harder to do like your brain is saying "go get the mail", but you never DO it. luckily my mom didnt get thrown in the nutthouse, or else i probably would have comitted suicide by now (my dd is IMPOSSIBLE to live with, yes my parents are divorced) but the divorce is benifit for me, my dad is allergic to animals, hates sweets, i probably wouldve moved a lot if they were still married (moving i DREAD) yeah i talk to much...
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